Is it weird that I still want to hurt my ex after almost a year of being apart?

So I dated a guy for 2 years. We broke up shortly after the 1st year, but he came crawling back a month later. We stayed together for a year after that. But the whole time, he took me for granted and always made me feel on edge, like he could go any time. And I was always stressing to find ways to keep him convinced that the relationship was worth it. But he always had to have things his way. I've always been a strong, confident girl. But he made me feel like
any decision he made, I'd have to go along with it or he'd start questioning the relationship. One day I woke up and realized it and I didn't agree to one of the things he wanted. And sure enough, he decided the relationship "wasn't working anymore". I warned him that if he let me go that would be it, I would be completely done. And he did.

It hit me that I deserved so much more than that. I got over him weirdly quick because suddenly I was back to my strong self again. I'll never go back to that cowardly girl I was before.

But though I'm over him and have moved on, I still feel anger towards him. Like that after all I did for him, he didn't get his way once and he gave it all up. But he's HUGE into having forgiveness and closure. He had to meet up with his ex while first dating me to have closure with her. He said he was so glad to have it because he felt he couldn't totally be with me without it.

So I knew he'd want it from me too. And I refuse to give it to him. He's tried to meet with me tons and I reject him every time. And it feels good. And his mother has said he's been torn up about me not forgiving him. But I feel like I could never let him feel forgiven because then he can just stroll off happily off the hook and never give it a thought again. And I can't have that, he doesn't deserve it.

I know you're supposed to show forgiveness. And I can honestly say I would never ever be with him again, not if he begged. But why can I not forgive him? Why do I still want to hurt him after all this time?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't forgive because:
    -You feel like you've put too much effort into him already and he fucked up
    -You feel that he doesn't deserve anymore of you're time
    You still want to hurt him because:
    -You want to show him how bad he fucked up cause he doesn't realize it.

    Overall you're doing right by you and thats all that matters :)
    It's your life girl, you do what you need to.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's natural to feel resentment and bitterness towards someone who hurt you. Even though you're over him, you are obviously not over the hurt. You just want him to go through the pain you've felt so he knows what it's like.

    It's been a year , so the best thing to do would be to work at moving on from the hurt. If you don't, it'll eat you up inside and your resentment and bitterness will be prolonged. That's not healthy for you. You don't need to forgive him, just let go of the pain he's caused you

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Its natural to feel that way and as long as this thought isn't constantly on your mind then it isn't a problem. Time is a great healer and eventually the thoughts will subside and he'll just be an ex you once had.

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  • You were hurt and wanna screw him over, the way he screwed you over. It's normal.

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  • You still feel hurt and haven't fully moved on. Let your anger go. It doesn't help anyone.

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What Girls Said 9

  • It's not helping you to hold onto anger and resentment, and if you're doing it just out of spite so he "can't be happy he's forgiven" that's really immature. You can forgive and let go over so you can actually move on, it doesn't mean you have to be friends or even nice to your ex, but you obviously aren't moving on if you're still angry about it and thinking about how it's "so good to make him feel he isn't forgiven". Deal with it and move on in a healthy, mature way.

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  • you have a strong feeling of hatred towards him so its normal to feel this way

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  • Yeah it's useless. It's way more productive to focus on your positive feelings towards (other) people.

    I broke up with my ex because his mental problems were making him an awful person. He was manipulative, jealous and kept dragging me down with him. He still hates me for letting him go when he needed me - but I warned him for months he needed to stop some behavior if he wanted to keep me. It felt liberating to be out, but I would have loved to at least stay in touch and end on good terms.

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  • Yes it is weird. U still have feelings for him and this kind is unhealthy. Just forget and forgive and move on. U are putting more importance in ur ex life and ur own life

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  • i can't read all that. but i do understand it girl. i know u want revenge play a prank on him. put his number and a sexy pic on any social or dating site. he will recieve tons of perverted msgs and calls. it is mean but it is not below the belt.. and you will feel wonderful. m telling from experience😉after this you just gotta forget him

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    • Ananya Kis bechare ke L lagwa diye Aapne ' Miss. Telling from experience'.

    • Show All
    • Hehe.. I like it, that is confidence!.. Never loose that confidence!.. That confidence is really sexy!.. Wear it like and jewelry,.. It should shine from your face more then make up!.. And you can land any guy you want 😉!..

    • i want that man and i can't have him damn

  • Not weird to me

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  • I would honestly forgive him and work towards closure by seeing a therapist. It sounded like he emotionally abused you.

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  • yeah it is normal ı had that feeling for 2 years lol

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  • It's normal to feel hurt and to want revenge it sounds like he was very shitty to you. My advice is to make sure you're over him for good

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