So I dated a guy for 2 years. We broke up shortly after the 1st year, but he came crawling back a month later. We stayed together for a year after that. But the whole time, he took me for granted and always made me feel on edge, like he could go any time. And I was always stressing to find ways to keep him convinced that the relationship was worth it. But he always had to have things his way. I've always been a strong, confident girl. But he made me feel like
any decision he made, I'd have to go along with it or he'd start questioning the relationship. One day I woke up and realized it and I didn't agree to one of the things he wanted. And sure enough, he decided the relationship "wasn't working anymore". I warned him that if he let me go that would be it, I would be completely done. And he did.
It hit me that I deserved so much more than that. I got over him weirdly quick because suddenly I was back to my strong self again. I'll never go back to that cowardly girl I was before.
But though I'm over him and have moved on, I still feel anger towards him. Like that after all I did for him, he didn't get his way once and he gave it all up. But he's HUGE into having forgiveness and closure. He had to meet up with his ex while first dating me to have closure with her. He said he was so glad to have it because he felt he couldn't totally be with me without it.
So I knew he'd want it from me too. And I refuse to give it to him. He's tried to meet with me tons and I reject him every time. And it feels good. And his mother has said he's been torn up about me not forgiving him. But I feel like I could never let him feel forgiven because then he can just stroll off happily off the hook and never give it a thought again. And I can't have that, he doesn't deserve it.
I know you're supposed to show forgiveness. And I can honestly say I would never ever be with him again, not if he begged. But why can I not forgive him? Why do I still want to hurt him after all this time?
Most Helpful Guy
You can't forgive because:
-You feel like you've put too much effort into him already and he fucked up
-You feel that he doesn't deserve anymore of you're time
You still want to hurt him because:
-You want to show him how bad he fucked up cause he doesn't realize it.
Overall you're doing right by you and thats all that matters :)
It's your life girl, you do what you need to.1
Most Helpful Girl
It's natural to feel resentment and bitterness towards someone who hurt you. Even though you're over him, you are obviously not over the hurt. You just want him to go through the pain you've felt so he knows what it's like.
It's been a year , so the best thing to do would be to work at moving on from the hurt. If you don't, it'll eat you up inside and your resentment and bitterness will be prolonged. That's not healthy for you. You don't need to forgive him, just let go of the pain he's caused you1