How to dump a really good guy and not be a horrible person?

So my best friend (practically my sister) went through a tremendous amount of pain when it didn't work out with a guy she was 100% in love with. So to get over him (against my better judgment) she started dating a really super sweet guy but they just... they don't mesh and she's kind of miserable in the relationship but she doesn't know how to dump him. She doesn't want to hurt him. Her biggest problem is that she can't get over the first guy. She's miserable and hurting this nice guy. How should she break up with him? And how should she get over someone she loved?

Updates:
Alright cancel everything I just said. She was with him tonight at a family thing and when she was leaving he got mad she only kissed him once and he grabbed her throat. She told him he was joking her and he said idc. Then he grabbed her boob and wouldn't stop molesting her even when she said "no" and "stop" until his mom called him away. she can dump his ass idc how

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She should take the time to grieve properly and to find closure, rather than trying to find distraction in another relationship. Escapism doesn't work as a solution, it is just avoidance. Problems don't tend to just go away with no action, they just wait for you.

    What she needs to do with the guy she is seeing is to be honest. Not cold, not rude, but honest. She needs to say to him that she got into a relationship with him when she was in a vulnerable place and at the time if felt right, but as time has gone on she realises that she's not over her ex boyfriend and that she is not ready to be in a relationship. She can say that she is sorry for letting things get this far but that she has to say how she feels because anything less would be dishonest.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She needs to admit her mistake and be firm, but kind.

    "Hey, you're a great person but I screwed up and started dating too soon. There's nothing you could've done differently, I just thought I was over my ex and wasn't. You deserve more and I think we should break up."

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What Guys Said 11

  • Doing it nicely or just being honest are not going to make him feel any better, so you might as well be straight up with him so he can work on himself and learn from the whole thing

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  • Say exactly that: that she can't get over the first guy so that she can't commit to the nice guy because her heart cannot be totally into it at this time.

    This is perfectly understandable.

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    • YEP: I can see from that update an instant red flag. Too bad she didn't have a gun to shoot him. If I was her father and found that out, the bears in the Adirondacks would soon be getting a fresh winter dinner.

    • I almost got my gun out! But she just dumped his ass right then and there. It was beautiful to witness

  • i see it like this: the more you wait with dumping him, the more cruel it is. if she canĀ“t get over the first one, it was a mistake to get with this guy. making mistakes is totally fine. just be open and honest about it.

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  • wow... what a bitch, used this poor guy and now wants to be the pitied one? If the guy snaps and kills her, i'd not lose a moment's sleep over it.

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    • She's not a bitch and I'd appreciate it if you reframe from referring to her as one. She isn't asking for pity. She doesn't want to hurt him because she made a stupid mistake when she was vulnerable.

  • just tell him how it is , rushed to quickly from one guy yo the next without fully getting to terms with the break up resulting in her being upset over the first guy she belives she is still in love with

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  • To be honest, the best way to break up with someone is by telling him/her in person. No texts nor calls. Face to face and with a valid reason (nothing like "you're not my type" or "you're too good for me", cos that sounds like bullshit). Tell to be honest and to tell the guy that she still thinks about the other one.
    Secondly, she should move on. He doesn't like her, welp that's it, life continues! Maybe she should appreciate more what she has... nice guys are a bit difficult to find nowadays :(

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    • Wow people can rather change really quickly or hide themselves reaaally well lol.
      Did the dickhead actually grab her throat? Tbh you can actually call the police for that. What a twat.

  • There's only the possibility of dumping him as early as possible and explaining her feelings and maybe offering to sty friends prolonging it will be bad for everyone

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  • lol

    goo guys and nie guy problem

    inseucre women love men like this, women with options will plainly say he's gott have an edge lol

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  • This Has Stupidty Written All Over It.
    She Leaves Nice Guy
    She SayS She Will Find Herself And Not Date
    She Runs Into dude Who fucks Her and hurts Her
    She Begs Him And He continues To Destroy
    She Tries To Find nice Guy Again And thinGs Repeat.

    Thats Just Girls Nowadays. You Think she's Not Thinking Of Dating The Guy Who Hurt Her. I Think She shouldn't Date period. Completely Unstable

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    • Um she's not gonna go back to that guy. She's also a very good person. She's just made a mistake and started dating out of hurt feelings. It's not an uncommon thing.

    • That's what they all say. It surprises how little women know about women

    • Generalizing at its finest. Listen, she's 16. She made a mistake. The other guy is so far removed from both of our lives he really doesn't come into the equation.

  • Ahhhhh, going back to the abuser

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    • She wasn't abused, the thing is, her first love was also her childhood friend. He doesn't want to date her right now bc he's focusing on academics and athletics. But it hurt her a lot so she's trying to get over that and she made a mistake

  • There is no way to dump a really good guy, or girl for that matter, and not be a horrible person. So your best friend is a horrible person, simple as. How should she break up with him? Who cares. She doesn't care, besides "not wanting to feel like a horrible person"- and she is one anyway for doing it, no matter how she does it, just the same as someone who kills a baby's a horrible person no matter what method they use to commit infanticide. And how should she get over someone she loved? Same way he'll have to- that person didn't love you at all no matter how much you loved them, boo hoo, who gives a fuck? No-one's entitled to be loved, so get over your entitlement and your privilege. HE, SHE, DOESN'T LOVE YOU- NO-ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. So give up on them, give up on love. Move on, and switch to casually fucking people without any emotional investment at all, just like everyone else does. Easy.

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What Girls Said 1

  • She is NOT horrible for breaking up with someone who isn't right for her, she would be if she stayed with him knowing it's not working just because she doesn't want to be alone.

    She just needs to be honest with him.
    He's a great guy but she was in a vulnerable place and rushed into this & it's just not working. She hopes he finds the one, it's just not her.

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