Broke up with my boyfriend. Why am I feeling like a part of me just died?

It has not been going well with my exbf and me. Learned he cheated on me and lied a lot about the contact with them. So after talking a lot and he only told lies I broke up with him and asked him to move out (he moved in with me 1,5 year ago).

Thought i would feel relieved that it is over, instead I'm left with this huge pain insude of me. I really don't know what to do and the pain is killing me.

I really need some help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're grieving. Just like when you grieve the loss of a loved one due to their passing away, you are mourning the loss of the relationship, your partner and the life that you pictured together. His relationship values and yours are different. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with a man who is also seeing other women? If the answer is no, then you need to accept that you are both incompatible. It's only natural for you to feel like there is a gap in your life, but the yearning for him to come back and be the man of your dreams is your mind resisting change.
    You will find someone who gives you butterflies again, and there are PLENTY of guys who are loving, caring, committed and faithful.
    Be gentle on yourself. You're going to have some sad days, but they will be further apart as time goes on and you will be ok. I promise.
    Try to read up on the grieving process and understand the stages you will go through so you can recognise, and accept them as they come, and go.
    Take good care of yourself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are going through the feelings of betrayal. It's very normal and I will request you to feel all of it. Beating him up would have helped but you dealt with it as a generous person. Not everyone is as kind as you are,
    so I have to salute you.
    BUT! Don't let that scumbag get back or! anything and everything that includes you taking him back, because - if he was the one, he would have done better! NOT WORSE! YOU ARE FEELING THIS WAY BECAUSE HE DID YOU WORSE!
    And they will keep on doing this to you - till you are completely finished and over!

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    • I would and could never hurt someone who I loved. If i did, i woudnt be any better than the other. Thank you for saying that it is a good thing.

      He already had a chance to make it right, he chose not to so I chose to break up. I'm not going to get back to him, i think he's angry now at me as he unfriended me right away. So you don't need to worry about him coming back.

    • Good for you. you can now move on. And just for the record, why even bother? consider that person doesn't exist. Have feelings for people Who feel just as same as you do. That means the ones who take you very seriously.

What Guys Said 15

  • You did right, do t feel bad about what you did, he has a cheating heart, and he will probably cheat on his next girlfriend.

    You're heart broken, it's ok, it'll get better. Many people have had broken hearts, (myself included), but as time goes by, your heart will heal. Just take the time to mourn the loss, I know it hurts, but what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. You will be a better person after this. I know you feel that void in your life right now, but it just happened, and you will miss him for all of the good times you spent together.

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    • And all of the bad times that you spent together. You'll do all this and miss him even more, but just don't forget why you left him, and you won't feel bad for what you did. I know it hurts and that it feels like you world is turned upside down, but it will all get better.

      Find things to do to keep you busy, spend time with friends, go to the gym, find a hobby.

  • When you get very close with someone, physically and mentally, there is a bond and a joining of sorts. When that connection is broken it can cause a great deal of pain. Because you literally did lose part of you.

    You were, at some moment, a part of each other. This is why divorce can be so brutal, it literally tears 2 people apart.

    It's difficult, and you have to be very careful not to quickly fill the void with another person, this is what 90% of people do and it's usually the wrong person, but it makes us feel better because the void is gone.

    I fell hard for this girl once, even asked her to marry me, but a couple months later I caught her, in my house, with another man. it got worse, but in the end I was destroyed. Another woman came into the picture and I accepted it, destroyed and torn, she was the WRONG girl, but I stayed with her for 10 years.

    Looking back, it was so stupid, but at the time, I thought it was helping.

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    • that's true, we were already making plans for the future (moved in with me). Moving to a place that we could make ours when we got jobs, raising children etc.

      When I learned that he cheated and that he kept on telling lies that picture shattered in thousand pieces.

      Was not planning to do that. First i need to rebuild myself.

    • I am so very sorry this happened to you. It sucks, but try to remember something very important. It is HIS loss, not yours.

      I am happy now, sure there are rough times with everything, but it all takes work to make it. Nothing is easy, but it can definitely be worth it.

      You're on the right track. The pain will lessen, be careful about building too much of a wall between you and others, you might just miss something wonderful.

  • You will be fine you just have to heal and be strong. It will take time to get over the break up. Just try to be happy and keep busy and stay focus.

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  • It will pass. Yes, that's what it feels like.
    Walk, go to the gym, do stuff you like to do that isn't about him.

    It takes some time. Then you'll wonder why you were so hung up. LOL

    And besides, usually there is enough BS that you should likely feel lucky you dodged a huge bullet. Like a serial cheater. Meh.

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    • Yes i got that feeling when I talked to the ex who he cheated with. She also had problems with an ex of his when she was in a relationship with him (which he still had contact with till the end). That ex is also the reason why I didn't trust it anymore.

  • The weakest part, that's what died.

    thevertoviandog.files.wordpress.com/.../...01a.jpg

    Now, you live again.

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  • Brake ups are hard but keep yourself busy with stuff and spend a lot of time with your family and friends. This way you will help yourself or speed up with the grieving process and of course like always it might take some time to heal your bleeding heart. As they say: There's after every dark night a brighter day.

    Good Luck.

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  • Well a piece of you is now gone and it's going to take awhile to heal. Best thing to do is talk. Talk to as many people as you can.

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  • Because you were vulnerable and trusted him to be lied to. Like maybe you weren't good enough or blame yourself for what happened. That all that time, for what? I don't know if this applies, but I went through the same thing, it's a shitty feeling that tears you up inside, where you just want to block out every feeling and just be dull... dead. It's something I had to deal with for a while unfortunately.

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    • I did think that after I learned that he cheated on me, that I'm worthless. That said, he's the one who is worthless as this is one of the most shittiest things someone can do. So I already stepped up from that place.

      Have no sucidal feelings. Things do feel dull, but i know that it can be never worth that. I'm very sorry you had to experience that feeling.

  • everyone feels the same when they go through their break up.
    so dont worry.
    try to give it some time, you will move on

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    • and if you feel like crying then cry as much as you can

    • Show All
    • it's just that he was my everything and we were already talking about the future. To learn he was cheating on me and lied so much about it feels so bad.

    • people are assholes, you can't change them, they are gonna hurt you, and betray you. so its best that you move on and be very careful that with whom you spend your time with

  • I know how you feel my suggestion is to think positive
    and i know it makes you feel bad but I think you've made
    the right choice.

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  • been there. it will take time for you to move on. the best way to get over him is to date another. hope u find some good and caring.

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  • It's pretty normal. You still feel attached. You have known him for at least a year and a half. So, you can't forget him in like two or three days. it will take some time but you'll definitely forget him as he's been no good partner/friend to you.

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  • It sucks to break up with someone but this is for the best.

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  • It is terrible experience better to sleep

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What Girls Said 3

  • When a relationship comes to an end it's inevitable you'll feel a sense of loss, even if the relationship was toxic. When someone's been part of your life then suddenly they aren't part of it anymore you are left with an empty space in your life.

    The future plans and dreams you once shared together won't take place , and you now have to rebuild your life and make new plans for a future without him being part of it. That can be a daunting thought. So you aren't just grieving the loss of a failed relationship , but the loss of a future you envisioned with him.

    You made the right decision by ending it. It's best to die a little inside after the breakup, than to be totally destroyed inside, and having your heart repeatedly broken by staying in a toxic relationship. At least you have a chance to heal and grow to your full potential now.

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  • It's the end of a relationship. You're going to feel a little sad because break ups for anyone is still a loss and requires a grieving process.

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  • Because a little piece of you just did

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