How to stop jealousy driving me to insanity?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.. At the start of our relationship, he cheated with his ex. I found about 5 months into the relationship they were messaging and talking. She lives in his home country. He is a student and goes home twice a year for a month during which he manages to see her sometimes due to mutual friends gathering etc. He usually though not always tells me when this happens because I've become a complete jealous wreck... i constantly question him, call him a lot. I get so nervous when he is at his home country, I almost passed out twice and had hallucinations from anxiety once.. im really losing my mind. I dont think deep down that he is cheating anymore at all but you can never really know for sure... but when something marginally doesn't add up in my head i lose my shit and its affected our relationship too not just me. He is always saying stop expecting me to be such an asshole, he thinks i dont trust him and i think it hurts/angers him to see me like this too. We go to the same uni and see each other daily. Weve discussed ending it but we both dont have the heart too. I just want to feel happy again.. this past two years I've compared myself to the ex every day, I've been self harming, being paranoid, i even called up his friend in his home country to ask if they are cheating and she told me no.. he's the first serious relationship I've had. I can tell he really cares for me so I dont wanna let go, but does anyone have any solutions apart from therapy and breaking up?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, I would seek professional help. Certainly nothing wrong with it and no one will fault you for it. They can help you sort out your feelings, implement exercises to help, and identify strengths to build on. If you don't like the first one fire them and get a new one, 'till you find one you click with that will help you moving forward.
    You're being what I call 'completely unhinged'. :)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He cheated, relationship over, whether you want to accept that between you or not. He didn't value it enough not to cheat, you don't respect yourself enough to end it. If you accept that behaviour, which you have, why would he respect you? Since he's already deceived you and cheated, why would you trust him? The two of you should stop play-pretending because it's not going to become a good relationship when it has already been damaged that much by deceit, lies, and disrespect. You can't get trust like that back, he isn't going to be more "faithful" over time, because you already let him get away with cheating. You're just wasting your own time until it inevitably ends.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It's hard to get over a SO other cheating, so don't feel bad there. Once that trust is lost, it's hard to get back. But here's the thing, you're either going to have to forgive him and trust him or you have to leave him, bc you can't go on living the way you are. If you can't forgive him and trust him anymore, then I would say leave, bc you're going to be miserable until you leave and find someone you can trust.

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  • After I read that he cheated on you, I stopped reading the rest. He did it once, he can do it again. You should've left in the beginning.

    You are hurting yourself. That's not healthy. Go leave.

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  • If a person cheat you one single time in this life, there's no guarantee that he won't do it again. Run away from people like that or regret whole of your life.
    The choice is yours.

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  • If you're in a relationship and becoming a wreck from it, GET A NEW MAN. Jesus why is this so hard for women to figure out?
    3.5 BILLION MEN out there.

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