How to get over a breakup?

It's been two months since the breakup and I don't feel like it's getting any easier. We were together for 4 years. It was a messy breakup and I am the dumpee. I haven't contacted him. We haven't spoken since the breakup. Sometimes I feel okay and then not okay. I cry at least once a day. I feel like the pain hasn't gotten any easier. How does one cope? Any advice?


0|0
94

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm partially plagiarizing the last opinion I just posted to another question, but the answer (IMO) is the same...

    You discovered that the relationship you were in was not the right one, and it sucks. There's not much that can be said to make this less painful than it is, but give it time. Not only does the sting wear off, but you will recreate your life with new friends, and eventually a new boyfriend, and things will be better than they ever were before. You will be able to look back and think to yourself "Wow, that hurt at the time but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise!"

    Life has it's ups and downs, this is a big downer but don't let it destroy you. Move on from it and look towards the future with your head up and eventually a smile on your face. Learn from it, and don't dwell on it.

    Get busy with activities and friends... Use some of the free time you have now to get a gym membership and start working out or start volunteering at an animal shelter, spend more time with friends who you haven't been spending as much time with as you used to and start building new friendships with new people from work or school or other social circles...
    What you want to avoid is idle time. Moping around for the rest of time isn't going to bring you ANY happiness, and the sooner dust yourself off and move on with your life the sooner the pain you're feeling now will go away and the sooner you'll be back to truly happy.

    Keep moving forward! You can move on. One step, one day at a time! :-)

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Four years is a long time , so it's inevitable it'll take a while to heal from the pain. When a relationship ends you go through a grieving process, because you feel a sense of loss, not only have you lost the person you love , you are grieving the loss of a future you envisioned together. The plans you made of a life together

    You now face the daunting task of rebuilding your life, a new future without him being part of it anymore. That's not easy to let go of.

    People tend to feed memories by reminiscing on the past and dwelling on what could've/should've been, but that just feeds your pain by keeping it constantly raw

    The only way to let go of someone is to keep your mind occupied on things other than him , and focus your attention on building new memorires without him. Remove all traces of him from your life, by cutting all means of contact and destroying all messages , pictures or anything of sentimental value. Gradually your memories will fade so the pain will ease.

    People often say time heals pain, but that's untrue because it's what you do with your time that heals it. That's why it's important to keep busy and active, and remove a traces of him from your life. If not, you'll never fully move on from him.

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • It was a long time that you guys were together so I suggest just trying to stay moving it will take a long time but eventually you will notice improvement

    2|0
    0|0
  • Find another guy. Time fixes everything except death and cancer.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 8

  • I won't say forget about him, but what helped me (I never was in a n relationship but I was hurt a lot) is to distance yourself from him (it worked for me as I'd ask them out on the last day of school so I had months to recover and not see them). Do what you want to do, do fun things that won't remind you of him. Go out with your friends on movies and just girl nights. Go to a gym and exercise with music (that doesn't remind you of him) and/or learn a martial art. Do things that won't make you remember him, but since you were with him for 4 years, it may be hard. Just know that the best way to get over something is to distance yourself until its just another thing to get over.
    In a way, we want things we can't have, but after awhile we will want something else and forget after longing for it for too long. So in context, you wish for him now, but as the breakup goes on for a longer period without seeing much of him, you will soon forget your heartache. You may even find someone else. And that's something you should do after you know for sure your over him. If someone says date someone else just to forget him, it won't work as you still have feelings for him and it won't be fair to the person you date after him when the only thing you see him as is your ex-boyfriend.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am sorry you are going through this. I use my faith in Jesus and God, because they help me through all things in life. Forgiveness helps, forgive them for any wrong they have done and ask them to forgive you for any wrong you have done. Focus on other things, not necessarily another relationship because you have to process learning and healing from the first one to make sure you know why it went wrong and what you want in life. I listen to music, Christian music that tells me of God's hope. God loves you, even if you are not with this man. Break ups are hard, but divorce is even harder so remember to heal and know what you want in life so when you get married divorce isn't an option. I pray you feel better!

    0|0
    0|0
  • You may not want to hear this, but I was in a 3 year relationship and it's been 2 years now and I still feel crappy about it sometimes. The things that help the most are distracting yourself with friends/family/hobbies, and NEVER talking to your ex. Ever. Each time you do, it will be like a reset button on your healing process. If he contacts you, you should ignore it and don't let him suck you back in because it will just hurt more that way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Keep yourself busy. It can be focusing on work, school, friends, family, new hobbies, but you need to distract yourself from your ex. The more time you have on your hands the more time you will think about him. That is not what you want,

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly, I just go to the gym, hang out with friends, read, listen to hypnotherapy

    0|0
    0|0
  • it took me a whole 4 years to get over someone I loved. I can't call it a relationship, I don't remember touching him or talking sweet to him over phone. he said yes when I asked him out and played with my feelings. he asked me to sleep with him in just two days and I said no, so he dumbed me. lucky me. the problem was I had a crush on him when I was around 13, my love was one side for 2 years and then around 16 I told him and he said he felt the same way and later boooom he asked me to sleep with him out of nowhere, he also told his friend that he'll dump me eventually after sleeping with me. I knew and I was wise, I'm not a stupid girl. I said no and he dumped me, he came back again when I was around 17. he told me he changed and he dumped me again. he came back again, I said yes and dumped him the next day. he wasn't worth. he must've felt the pain of rejection. that dumbass. I'm over him now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • make ur mind busy

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is okay to feel terrible or down at times. Find yourself a new hobby. I was going to gym for running regularly and lost like 10 pounds, which made me skinny nicely... which i am already a normal weight person. But i heard and read losing 1 pounds or getting better body makes a woman happier than having sex. Dont rebound by the way. Try to first deal with yourself and process your feelings. Stay away from social media, in front of computer etc. if you are not ag work or not working on hw projects etc if in college. Go out, even to mall just to pass time. You can also get a hobby like picking an instrument etc. something challenging, or a cpr course or pottery. I also went for a month of backpacking trip alone in Europe. To discover myself and meet others. Just to relax. If you can't do any of those due to financial restrictions, i suggest keeping a journal regularly to write your feelinga down and cent out. These are what i did. Good luck. You're not alone so keep your head up.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...