Girls, my girlfriend dumped me recently, why is she checking out my online dating profile?

Last week the woman I was dating dumped me. It surprised me as I thought things were going well. We previously dated, she broke up with me in early November, kept reaching out to me (I went no contact for a while, eventually responded since I missed her).

We had just spent the holidays together and we're out together all day, when she suddenly dumped me after dinner on Monday. She said she wasn't sure how she felt about me. This is just a couple of days after her telling me how happy she was and how I treat her better than any other guy she's dated and how excited she was to start the new year with me. She also said I was very good for her since I was able to help her take on new challenges that she wasn't confident enough to take on before, and was able to give her new experiences that she liked, but previously would have dismissed. Overall, she said our relationship was a good influence in her and she was happy to see what the future holds for us.

She has had a history of dating guys who treated her poorly, she was even engaged about 3 years ago to a guy who didn't seem to offer much, so she left him. She said once that she isn't sure why she never feels a total connection to anyone, and was going to therapy to talk about it. She has no relationship with her dad who has substance abuse issues. Not sure if that's a factor into her issues.

Given that we had only been back together a month, my online dating profiles hadn't expired yet. So after being dumped, I jumped back on to start my search for someone special.

Last night i noticed that my ex viewed my profile. Any thoughts on why she would do this? She did the same thing last time she dumped me. She has this thing where she breaks up with me but never quite leaves, we manage to run into each other, or she will check my dating profile, or will just flat out contact me. She always seems to leave just when things start going really well and the relationship is progressing.

Any thoughts on what this might mean?


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What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like she has been hurt a lot in the past which has caused her to become insecure in the relationship between you two. I think she does have feelings for you since she is looking you up and you said before she has flat out contacted you, but is scared and unsure about fully committing to you. Also she may just be testing you to see if you'll come find her and try to get her back. Which would give her security and confirmation that you really want to be with her through thick and thin. Sometimes when you've been hurt a lot in the past you become overcautious and worry what ever really good thing comes your way will disappear very quickly because you see more negative things than good things happen to you. So you need to protect yourself by doing these things to validate the relationship and your own value.

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    • Thank you for the very thoughtful feedback. Yes, she has been hurt in the past. She was engaged once and left the guy for a few reasons. I think that still bothers her. She has also dated some bad guys, one left her during a friend's wedding, another dumped her right before she was supposed to meet his friends.

      I know she trusts me and she acknowledges that I always am there for her and never let her down. However, it is confusing to me that she leaves me despite saying how good I am for her and how much she cares about me. I have called her out on her stuff multiple times when we have broken up in the past. I even asked her if she is scared of the relationship. I also told her if she keeps running away from a good relationship, she will continue the cycle and ends up exactly where she is now. I have asked her to give us a real shot and see where it can go. I said I'm scared too, but that I would like to try, and don't want to look back years from now and regret losing her.

  • Honey you're free to chose too, and if she is looking at your profile that means she's looking for someone too, don't go back to her just break up.

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    • Thanks. I know she is online which means she is looking for other options. But what would be the point of seeking out my profile? She knows me and has seen it before.

      Also, she is the one who always initiates the contact again with me. I've never reached out to her to initiate a discussion either time we've broken up.

      I just don't get why she says she wants to end things but then keeps trying to keep close tabs on me.

    • Because she know she can control you she controls you because she know that if she says BARK you'll do it she know she has power over you and that you will take back anytime Dont do it again please don't fall for her game I'm sure she even makes fun of you with her friends since she knows she can have you as a puppet

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