Should I give the relationship more time if hasn't bonded with my kids?

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Before you say all of this is too soon, save it. This is how we've chosen to operate and I don't like wasting time.

He has a daughter and I have two sons. His daughter can be very difficult to deal with, but despite that, I've bonded with her quite well and we do lots of stuff together. She takes structure and discipline well. Because she so enjoys dress up, coloring, etc. she really tries to behave for me. I told him that I know she's with her mom most of the time but we still need to encourage her to be good. We have challenges but it's been pretty good.

I don't see him much trying to bond with my kids or show the same effort. He's nice to them and all, but I don't see him really trying to engage with them at all. He has lots of ideas about how I should discipline them and I have heard him correcting them before. He says it's because he wants then to be successful. Anything I do or say with them could be done better if it's done his way. I have talked to him before to the point of tears telling him I don't think I can do anything right. He said im an amaxing mom and so amazing with his daughter and he loves that im sweet but think im too sweet and my boys will walk all over me.

I think he may be right in some ways, but I fear he's too quick to point out their flaws while he lets his daughter get away with way more than he should. Im willing to work with him and point out what she does right. I just love them both anyway. I feel people should be built up not not picked for every little thing they do wrong. I don't know if I should give this more time or not. Im beginning to think this relationship is not the best for my kids.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • no relationship is best for kids unless its their father end of the day they are strangers maybe his only interest is you you can't expect him to love someone elses kids like his own it wouldn't hurt to bond with your kids he obviously i think the choices are put up with it and deal with the fact that he's only interested in you or find a man who does bond with your kids i do think breaking up with him for this would be extreme but at the end of the day no relationship would be good with your kids if you want whats best for your kids then stay single and wait till ther adults then look for a partner but by then you would probably be getting on so it will be much more difficult to find a partner as every decent guy around your age will probably be taken or at least have his own kids but thats the point you make a comprimise so both of you are happy you and your kids

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What Guys Said 3

  • I would just let the relationship go. As you stated you don't like to waste time and this is how you operate and things aren't going as quickly as you like so might as well start over and see if another guy and get things done with your kids better in 8 months or less.

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    • Where did I say things aren't going as quickly as Id like?

    • When you stated this how you operate and you don't believe in wasting time.

      I think it's too soon to evaluate personally but you stated for us to "save it"when it comes to the too soon part. So I'm giving the answer based on that.

  • it probably isn't if he is showing your kids his daughter comes first instead of being equal because you can't have a proper family unless the whole family feels appreciated which is to me sounds like he isn't wanting to try he wants you to do all the work. your kids should be on the sane level of equality as his daughter.

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  • dear, guys with children are just like that. why she's always with her mom? it's because he's not able to take good care of own daughter. he'll be like this be choose wisely.

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