Can't decide if I know the answer or need some moral support. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we signed a lease together a few months ago.
The problem is that I feel as if I have recently become bored. My partner does not take the initiative to take me out on dates or do something outside of our comfort zone. Also, our sex life barely exists. A lot of it has to do with him being exhausted and he has gained some weight so he complains about not feeling well a lot of times but this has been going on for months now. I've discussed these things with him several times and have been honest about how he makes me feel like less of a woman by constantly rejecting me knowing my sex drive. He admits to understanding that he needs to be better but even after several conversations, I don't see much of a change either in bed or outside. I can't deny that he does sweet things like surprise me with making dinner after a long day and coming to a clean home and throwing me an amazing birthday party and not to sound ungrateful but that doesn't quite cut it after a year of not doing anything exciting thus making me less patient and more annoyed of a lot of the things he does on the daily. I also put in effort to surprise him whether it is with dinner or very special texts or lingerie and I try very hard to always make him feel special despite sometimes being very annoyed by him.
I'm still attracted to him and lust for him but I mentioned recently that sometimes he makes me feel as if I am settling because at 20something years old, I do not wish to spend the remainder of my life working and going home. I take into account what he does but I can't fight the feeling of complacency and it's driving me crazy. Do you think there's a way to amend this?
Most Helpful Guy
Ahh the grass is greener syndrome type of girl. You should look it up, I think it will do you some good. Basically now that the honeymoon phase is over you're bored and want that thrill again, but it's just not going to happen, not with him. It can't always be exciting like it was in the beginning of a relationship. You'll have your moments again when there's a lot of passion, but they'll come and go, it's natural.
See your problem is not just him, it's relationships that pass the honeymoon phase in general. Lets say you breakup with him because you feel like you're settling and then find another guy who ignites that fire in you like your boyfriend once did. Guess what? Once the honeymoon phase is over with the new guy you'll feel the same exact way as you do now with your boyfriend.
The grass is always greenest where you water it. You both haven't been watering each other's lawn so now it's looking dry and patchy, just about any lawn looks better than that, that's why you feel like you're settling. You need to speak up to him and tell him exactly what you want, he's not a mind reader. Tell him you want him to take you on dates every week like he used to and tell him it's extremely important to you and that he needs to start making more of an effort because you feel as if you're stuck in a routine. Tell him what the problem is, why it's a problem, and how it makes you feel. If nothing is changing I suggest you two take a month break from each other with absolutely no contact (I know almost impossible with you two living together) but that will definitely make you two miss each other and appreciate each other more.
I'm sorry to say, but this is a problem that's always going to be popping up in your life since it's really not a problem, it's just a natural progressin of relationship phases.0