Would trying to communicate with my ex be a bad thing?

My ex and I dated for about 2 months I think and we stopped talking in the beginning of December. He wanted to break up because he was still depressed from his last relationship and thought he was ready to move on but realized he wanted to be alone to figure out his life and he just doesn't care for anything anyone or himself and he didn't want me to deal with that. He thinks I deserve better. He still has a hat and DVD I lent him. So I'm still in debates about asking for them back. He offered to give me them back but I live a bit away and we have different work schedules.

would it be weird to just message him out of the blue? I wanted to give him space and everything. But now I want to know how he's doing and make sure he's okay. When we stopped talking he never really wanted to ever get out of bed.

i miss him. He was the only guy I ever met that I clicked with so well and we have so many common interests. Like I feel there is a possibility of us being able to get back together I don't want to screw it up. I mean he looks at my snapchat stories and stuff so that's a good thing right?

would it be fine to just send him a text and ask him how he is? Or should I send a text with more of a purpose and ask for my things back?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think in your case you should talk to him. You have a man that is insecure. Ask him why he thinks he's not good enough for you. When he answers, make sure you point out why his reasons are invalid. It very hard to be with an insecure man. Usually the man is insecure in many more thing besides women and it impacts you as well. Does he make decisions or always defer to you and wait until you make the decisions. Will he pick a movie or is that your job? Is he comfortable in public settings like parties, clubs, etc. where he will meet new people? These are just a few things that insecurities can come into. Bottom line, I think you should contact him to set a time you can talk. If possible. it's much better to do this in person if you can. Texting is very impersonal and leaves holes in the conversation. I hope you can work this out.

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    • I've never been out at a club or any parties with him so I wouldn't know what he would do. When we try and figure out what to do he'll give a few suggestions and on our first date he kept asking what I wanted to do and that he's very indecisive which he is.

      He told me that he was depressed doesn't feel like doing anything. He said can't love anything or anyone at the moment. He also said that he doesn't care for himself friends or family. Just in a super depressed state. His last relationship was 5 years long and he dated me about 4 months after that relationship so he pretty much just jumped into a new relationship pretty fast. I understand needing time to be alone and think about what to do with his life. He was with this girl all through out high school and some of college. I wish he wouldn't of completely pushed me out of the picture.

      He sent his break up text and I replied but he never responded back to what I had to say. im not sure how to initiate a convo with him.

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    • No, when we were together he would be getting off work as I was going to work and when I'd get off work he'd be going to bed. The only time we really had to talk on the phone would be weekends but I was always with him on the weekend so there was no point of calling him haha.

      Doesn't sound mean at all. I totally understand. I was trying to forget about him and I did pretty good up until last weekend and all this week. I just can't seem to get him off my mind. We were pretty great together and my roommate told me how him and I were perfect and so much alike. Mental issues are like the unknown. Everyone handles things differently. I've been in his place before where I just could think about relationships and he was the first person I dated after I got out of my funk and things were great.

      I know you shouldn't waste time trying to help someone who isn't asking for your help. My biggest flaw is always wanting to fix people and help them be as happy as I am.

    • First, it's never a waste of time trying to help someone. We just need to know when to quit. What you described about him are strong signs of depression. You can't fix his problems because it's in his head and you don't have the tools used by professionals to go through the steps of therapy. Most people seem to think having a mental illness is the same as being crazy. It's not even close! If you can't talk to him and he has no desire to get help, You will keep what you have now. Only you can decide what you are going to do. If he isn't willing to do something, you have to decide how much time you want to waste on this guy. I know how hard this is for you. Don't let your emotions guide you on this. In this case that is a poor thing to do.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know how you're feeling. If you guys haven't talked for a bit while then it doesn't hurt to check up on him :)

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    • Thank you, I'm bit scared to but I think it's because I'm scared that if he doesn't say anything back I'm going to drag myself down a rabbit hole and obsess over why.. he kind of left the break up incomplete he messaged me that he wanted to break up and gave quite an essay as to what's going on with him and how I didn't do anything wrong i thought maybe I was too touchy and he told me I wasn't and that was his fav. I replied back I feel I came off a bit rude i apologized for it and sort of fixed what I said and he never replied back. The last thing he has ever sent to me was the second part of why he wanted to break up. He never responded to what I had to say about it or anything.

      It's kind of rude in my opinion but I understand how he was feeling I've been super depressed after a break up before so I know how much effort it is to talk to people and how it's way easier to ignore everyone and feel guilty about it but make yourself okay with it because you're depressed.

    • You welcome. I know where you are coming from because I was just like you at some point in my life back then but I just want to also give you a heads up that guys can change feelings pretty quick but I'm not saying he will probably change his feelings for you. It actually goes both ways. It would be your choice whether you trust what he tells you or not. But with what you're saying, I'm pretty sure he really just couldn't let go his past relationship. You should talk to him but also give it some time to each other. It's kind of hard to recover from a relationship sometimes.

    • I know :/ it took me four months to get over a three month long relationship. So a 5 year one jeez that could take a long time. Which I understand. So I've been giving it time. When he broke up with me I think it was dec 3rd or something so it's been over a month since we last spoke. I don't necessarily want to be like we should date right now again. Like I just want to know that he's okay and just be there if he ever needs to talk or to get away from things. Like I'm not looking to jump right back in I just don't want to cut him completely out of my life because he was a pretty important person to me and made me realize how great relationship can actually be. When he sent that text I asked if we could stay friends or to at least not push his family friends and me away but he never replied to a single one of my replies about the break up. So it's kind of just hanging there. It's really jerky honestly.

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 3

  • It's never a bad thing because later on it's about who you know versus what you know sometimes they might be able to help with the job or something in the future. If you trying to get back with them then consider why you broke up with him in the first place. And wouldn't be enough to get back with

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  • if you miss him then send a message

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  • In my opinion it's way too early to reach out if you have hopes of getting back together. He needs to get over his ex and that's not gonna happen overnight. I've been in his position and sometimes it knocks someone back. Id say give it 2 more months and see if you feel the same

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    • It's almost been 2 months since he broke up with me and we last spoke. I don't want to just out of the blue be like yo we should date again. I just want to see how he's doing and what's going on with him and I want my movie I lent him back hahah. Like I been wanting to message him since for about two weeks after the break up but decided against becuase it was too soon but since last weekend every second I think it's always about him I also keep having dreams about him too.

    • Yeah I know. But Soemtimes he will look at his phone and he will get upset over the fact that you're not his ex, nothing personal to you obviously. I really think if he wanted to be friends he would've reached out

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