Is it toxic and unhealthy to stay with someone who doesn't give you as much love as you give them?

Even when they're mentally ill?

Im just the kind that anything nice I do I don't expect anything in return, I just wanna be there for them and I know how it's like to be depressed. My friends keep telling me to leave the girl, it's toxic and unfair.

Are they right? :/ I feel like it's bitchy


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The two important questions in a relationship are:

    1. Am I getting my needs met?

    2. Am I required to contribute an extraordinary effort to maintain the relationship? In answering this question, you must be brutally honest with yourself.

    If you are getting your needs met and it doesn't require an extremely unusual effort, then you are good.

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    • But she's mentally ill, it makes my blood boil whenever people can't deal with others who are unstable it'll make them feel less of a human. I just want to be there for her even if I don't get the same love in return. I want to calm her down and just be there for her but people just seem not to get this.

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    • Were your friends right? You must answer that question for yourself but I will give you one bot of advice in this matter:

      Follow your heart into a relationship but follow your head out of a relationship.

    • I'm not sure about myself really, I feel like they want me out just because I didn't stand up for them or for my ex when they fought and because of the argument, not because of the relationship itself.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Beung mentally ill isn't your fault. And. isn't an excuse for them to be horrible. So you do need to think of yourself if they can't

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Taking care of someone in need can give you something in return without much mutual participation on their part. It can give your life a sense of meaning and purpose.

    The main trouble is that if you don't go about this correctly, you can sometimes find a weaker person becoming weaker as they grow increasingly dependent on you. In that case, casting your own welfare aside, it's not necessarily helping the person grow into independent people who can take care of themselves. Sometimes you need to apply techniques like tough love and balance your time and attention with them so that they can properly grow as individuals.

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  • Love does not need to flow equally in each direction. That said, the only one I know who stayed in a relationship like that was my Lord, Jesus who loves you and me and went to the cross though despised, to be that sacrifice for sin of any believer. You may be uniquely gifted to be this person's friend.

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    • But people don't get this. I don't expect anything in return, they think I deserve better and it sucks.

    • Deserve better? Truth: We all "deserve" eternity apart from God (sometimes called hell) because we simply don't measure up to God's standards. You have tapped into a "power" apart from yourself that energizes you to be caring for this person selflessly.

  • I think she is very lucky to have such a supportive person by her side. As someone with mental health issues and having had people leave me behind because of my depression surfacing sometimes, I applaud you for sticking with her. That said, don't feel like you have to stay because she needs you and is vulnerable. But, overall If you're happy, then it's good.

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    • The door isn't bolted shut. You can leave when you want. You don't want her depression to bring you down. Maybe try distance for a bit. Tell her Goodmorning and let her know you're still there. She needs you right now. Don't overwhelm her by breaking up as this will stir up significantly more damage.

    • But if you absolutely have to break up with her, let her down easily!

What Girls Said 5

  • Has it taken any negative influences on yourself?

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  • It depends on so many things.

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  • if they have some mentall problems then it is better to stay with them

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  • No its not bitchy, if their not giving you the attention you need you should leave them

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  • Yeah it is

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