Why won't my ex be civilized towards me?

We dated for half a year, it got serious and then we had an ugly break up. He broke up with me, didn't want to work through things, refused to talk it over with me, and tried to say everything he could to basically sabotage me, destroy me even I told him that I cared deeply for him and apologized if I did something to cause him to act in such a way. He stopped talking to me altogether (not even a hello or acknowledgment of my existence), refused to give me closure, would purposely avoid me, started rumors about me, etc. I honestly don't know how this break up got so ugly.

He continues to be ugly towards me and acts like everything I do is to get him back. The last time we talked (half a year ago), I met with him to see if he wanted to work through things or clear anything up since he continued to act immature and treat me ill. I asked him if he wanted to get back together, but he refused and said everything he could to hurt me. I explicitly told him that once we break up, there's no going back and forth it's done on my end. He told me to move on in such a cold, detached way- no regard for my feelings as a human being (let alone someone he used to care about).

I continue to treat him kindly even though he's been so hurtful. It's been so long since our break up (year and a half) that I've now told myself that I don't need to go out of my way to give him space and that I no longer need to accommodate someone who clearly didn't respect our relationship/feelings enough to treat me in a civilized manner. Why can't he just be polite? It's not like I go up to him to have a conversation or expect us to be friends. He gives me ugly looks, evil eye , blankly stares at me. will purposefully and dramatically leaves if he sees that I engage with people close to him but he likes to stay near me if he thinks I'm not looking. If he doesn't care, why hold such a grudge? I'm moving on, why does he have to go to such lengths to remind me of our relationship gone sour?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You said you've moved on then stop caring about him now. He might be seeing that you still care for him that why he is acting that way still. After 1 1/2 year you must talk to him anymore. If you want to still be friend with him then give him some boundaries and do not allow him to treat you that way. Stop any communication with him anymore so that you will not be hurt anymore of his attitude. He needs to be mature and if he doesn't do that then just go away from him.

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    • I don't particularly care about him anymore; I used to very much and would look at him with loving eyes and feel bad for him if he was alone or looked vulnerable towards me, but the way he has treated me made me realize that he doesn't deserve my love anymore. The way that he went about breaking up with me took an emotional toll on me; he was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first love but he became mentally abusive to me with his actions after the break up and refused to give me closure. I came down with depression for the whole year and finally am able to be around him and not particularly care that I see him. I notice that he still acts the same and, although I've been having good days, I just don't want his behavior to trigger me with being depressed again. More self preservation than anything since I see him like three times a week.

    • Good to know that you were able to win over depression. Keep yourself away from him so that the depression will not come back again. Hope he will mature soon in dealing with you now. You said it right he doesn't deserve your love anymore. Reserve it for the "right guy" that God is preserving for you. :-)

What Guys Said 7

  • I've been through something similar recently, the worst part is when you think you know someone so well and then they turn so nasty for an unbeknown reason. Like you I did nothing wrong at all and only ever tried to fix the issues, show love and make it work. My only advice to you would be to concentrate on this behavior and use it to channel energy elsewhere.. one day you will look back and think why on earth did i do that/put up with that.

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  • Lack of maturity and social skills. Somebody needs to change his diapers.

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  • Maybe file that one under "what I don't need".

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  • You should just stop caring about him and move on. He's not worth your effort.

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  • If he didn't care he wouldn't be acting like that. He's still hurting. I don't kno what you did or put in his head, but this guy is seriously injured.

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  • If you've moved on why dl you care/still talk to him?

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    • I don't particularly care about him anymore. The way that he went about breaking up with me took an emotional toll on me; he was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first love but he became mentally abusive to me with his actions after the break up and refused to give me closure. I came down with depression for the whole year and finally am able to be around him and not particularly care that I see him. I notice that he still acts the same and, although I've been having good days, I just don't want his behavior to trigger me with being depressed again. More self preservation than anything since I see him like three times a week.

  • Because deep down he is probably hurt by something and can't face it.

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