"Ex" moved on really fast and I'm struggling with this?

Long story short, I'm 19 and the guy who took my senior pictures is 31. We were really good friends, and started working together at a restaurant this past fall. Basically, we had a thing, people at work found out after he grabbed my butt in the middle of the dining room, spread stuff throughout the whole restaurant, management found out and told him that he had to end things with me if he was gonna take the promotion they offered him. He thinks I told everyone, and we were gonna take a break while we both worked there and he told me we'd talk about what happened when the timing was better. I quit after all the problems they put me through working there, what they told me was not the same thing they told him, and he never bothered to contact me after until I messaged him a three weeks after he told me we'd talk. I tried so hard, explained everything to him and took the blame for everything. I told him I still feel the same way we did and would rather have something, rather than nothing, even if it doesn't turn in to anything. He basically told me he's over it and doesn't care bc bc of what he's heard.

He always told me we would see where things go, turned me on a lot of my guy friends, lied to me about a lot of things, and had no respect for me or my feelings in the end. Next thing I know, he's dating a girl with the same name as me. He spent almost three months on me and I couldn't get him to think about committing to anything. Why did she get him in two weeks?

Megan (Me):

Meaghan (Her):









Updates:
To add, he used to be an alcoholic (still is one, if you ask me), and was very addicted to sex and porn.

But it just keeps hitting me that he moved on. I didn't understand why he got to treat me like he did and she got all the good parts of him, with no repercussions. And he doesn't even care. I tried to be the best I could be to him and he honestly brought out the best in me. I don't understand how he just turned on me like he did. And yes, I've tried to find another job but haven't heard back

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Most Helpful Guy

  • From a relationship coaching lens, I will be brutally honest here:

    1) Just based on how you described the situation, it was easier for him to move on to her. He had to 'leave' you because of the restaurant situation and although he could've found a way to come back, he met someone else that, in his mind, was easier to continue a relationship with. This based on the cloud that was already existing amongst you two.

    2) Men do not like to feel pressured or chased by women. You said you 'tried so hard', 'took the blame for everything', etc. This made him feel like you were REALLY dedicated to him and he panicked, as men tend to do when they feel pressured or chased. When he told you he 'would see' where things went, he was VERY LIKELY pushing you away right then and there.

    I must say, in all of this, none of this makes him right and you wrong. In fact, he took the easy way out whereas you were looking for ways to make it work. You gave all and he walked away--I am professionally glad that it ended now as opposed to you spending more of your time with him. Why? Because 10 years and 500 clients later in this field tells me that everything you described sounds like a guy who would've always had the upper hand (and knew it) and likely would've cheated on- or left you for- someone else anyways.

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    • I just feel horrible because he led me on, and he knew how I felt about him. He didn't even have the decency to tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me. He just dropped me out of nowhere.

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    • I don't really know how to separate the two

    • I read your update. You're trying to understand why someone did something as horrid as his actions when there are not always clear answers. People do bad and selfish things. It's not fair and it's not nice but it's real at times. You will continually dwell on the 'why' and the 'why me' until you distinguish his actions and words from any fault on you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, due to the age difference I kind of assume he was trying to use you. I've dealt with my fair share of assholes and this situation reminds me of something I dealt with my sophomore year of high school. I was involved with a junior for a few months and it was always drama with other females because he was involved with them still and me. He'd get a girlfriend for 2 days, flaunt her in front of me then get another girlfriend. There was one situation where a girl wanted to fight me and I was told he was the main person boosting her to do it. Couple of months later he claimed he "always had my back" Recently, In July I thought I finally found the perfect person for me but it didn't last long. He broke up with me and would say we could be friends and see where it goes from there. I constantly tried figuring out what went wrong, blamed myself, tried to prove to him I fixed the issues... insecurity..., etc. while he was interacting with other females. I once thought he had another girlfriend right after but it was a misunderstanding. I missed him, thought I missed out on the best thing that could ever happen to me, etc and we finally started back being "friends" in November and basically I realized I wasn't missing out on anything. He said he cared about me but always put me last to everybody else, told me things about him having sex with others during the breakup even though I asked him not to, etc. 7 months after the breakup, I finally had enough and let him go and unfortunately one of the girls he had sex with was the cause of it. He spoke negatively about me to his friends afterwards when I didn't deserve it and acted like an asshole.

    I know it's a lot to read but it might be something you need to hear. Don't go wondering what went wrong, blaming yourself, and trying to compare yourself to the new girl. You two weren't meant to be together and someone better is going to come along and treat you right I promise. And if you think he's going to be better for her, 9/10 he won't be.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • He already lied to you wouldn't be surprised if he was talking to this other Meaghan behind your back. Has nothing to do with your looks. Just try and move on hun. This guy's is a duchebag and honestly needs to grow the fuck up. he's 31. Cashing drama and shit at work making your work life terrible that you had to quit. You don't want a guy like that.

    My suggestion is ignore him completely go no contact, stop thinking of what you could of done or this other girl because that will get you know where and sad and depressed, and try to move on. Time heals all wounds.

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    • Causing*

      Also hun to add, don't feel like you did something wrong. You didn't do any thing wrong. This guy just played with you and is a jerk.

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    • To add, he used to be an alcoholic (still is one, if you ask me), and was very addicted to sex and porn.

      But it just keeps hitting me that he moved on. I didn't understand why he got to treat me like he did and she got all the good parts of him, with no repercussions. And he doesn't even care. I tried to be the best I could be to him and he honestly brought out the best in me. I don't understand how he just turned on me like he did. And yes, I've tried to find another job but haven't heard anything back yet.

    • I know you won't realize this now but you couldn't change him and the relationship would of been hectic with his issues if things would of continued. So honestly I see it as a good thing he didn't choose you. You may not realize that now but people with h
      those issues don't have healthy loving relationships.

      Hun you can't keep asking yourself all those questions. It will get you absolutely no where. you did your best thats all you could do. You just gave to keep trying and try not to think about this guy anymore.

  • The other girl kinda looks like an alien… but, that's not important.

    In truth, there's really nothing that you can do to move on from this besides accepting it. This stage is present in all failed relationships at some point. Afterwards, you'll find that your ex was just a mediocre guy, like most (if not all) humans. Love tricks us into thinking that some people are special, when they're really not.

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  • The newer version of u is hotter.. but ur ex was a jerk.. leave him. move on in life..

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  • This is why you don't start things with coworkers, your job sounds like a real nice place.
    As for why he got along with the other girl so fast, beats me since she looks like the grinch.

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    • We were involved before we started working together. I just don't understand how everything went so wrong and that he didn't even care to work it out.

  • I'm surprised any guy could get over you. You are simply gorgeous!

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    • her boyfriend actually was a wuss dude.. plus can't u see he chose to be with another megan who is hot.. look at her ( . ) ( . )

  • Go get laid... several times... by random guys... dont' tell anyone... and you'll "move on" a lot easier/

    You're very pretty so you won't have any trouble.

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  • she's a slut that wants dick and drink your a loving girl that wants a proper relationship x

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  • Wow very nice simply beautiful. :)

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  • coz he is a jerk but unfortunately for you the other girl is hotter than you..

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What Girls Said 6

  • Some people just have a better connection and more chemistry. It's nothing against you personally they just clicked so you need to try and move on. He may not have respected your feelings, but you can respect yourself and not waste anymore time on him.

    As a side note it's really wrong to load other people's photos without their permission. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if someone posted your photos on an online forum without your consent for people to judge - posting hers because you're feeling insecure about their relationship is a low blow

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  • I know it's tough to hear but likely he just had far stronger feelings for her. It's nothing personal. Some people just have that special something about them and that is how you know if the universe intended for you to together or not. if 2 people feel that spark equally then it's meant to be. In your case, you felt it but he didn't so the good news is there is someone out there who is way more compatible with you.

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  • I don't know girl, love is weird. Last month i figured out that my ex is now marrying.

    Life is weird, try to move on and distract yourself!! Wish you good luck!
    I wouldn't spend to much time stalking them both, it's not good for yourself, let go. I know it's easy said , but in the end it will be better for you

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  • He didn't want anything serious with you, I think he was playing with you from the start. I think it's for the best since as you said didn't respect you. It has nothing to do with your looks. You should find someone who truly cares about you.

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  • He is a jerk, tbh you need to respect yourself first and to love yourself, stop chasing him or any other guy. & did the girl give you the permission to post her pic here?

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  • You didn't had to post her picture her you know

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