WHY, GOD WHY is it so hard for me to get over him?

I met him online and he was very charming. After about a month of talking constantly we finally met up. It didn't take long for him to start pulling away. Part of me thinks he laid it on thick and then lost his steam after feeling I wasn't going anywhere and I really liked him. At that point, we would see each other 1-2x a week (rarely on a "date" date... maybe 25% of the time) and our phone calls were pretty short, maybe 15-20 mins but not every day. At first I tried to ignore the fact that he liked a lot of space, but then I said, f*ck that... I deserve a guy who wants to spend time with me. He would get really upset when I told him I didn't feel like a priority while he got everything he wanted (sex and the security I'm not dating anyone else). That's when he would start saying really insulting things ("if u say you're a queen stop acting like a princess"..."idk any guy who would want this"). We would stop talking for about a week, then he would try to fix things (but only after I would call and try to reconcile). Then he would go back to his normal behavior. This happened about once or twice in the span of 3 months.

I sat there one day and said "this guy is an ass, get rid of him." So one day, he came over and I told him our expectations aren't in alignment and I'm starting to lose interest. DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN STARTING CRYING? That threw me all the way off. He said he doesn't know what to do anymore and we split amicably.

It's been almost 30 days of no contact and he hasn't tried to get me back, nor have I. Nonetheless, it's really hard to get over him even though we only dated for 3 months! I'm always sad, thinking why isn't he calling and whether he simply replaced me without a second thought. I've drowned myself in volunteer and professional work, hanging out, and watching breakup videos on YouTube, to no avail.

Someone please, help me gain some perspective. What did I do wrong? Why isn't he trying to work it out?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're only occupying your mind because of how much you cared. When those activities are over he's gonna pop back into your head. Just give it time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You didn't do anything wrong you need to understand that. Sometimes you date assholes someone and you catch feelings for them. You don't need to worry about him and why He isn't trying if he wanted to make things work he wouldn't be an assholes. I think you like the idea of seeing if he will text you or call you. It's a casino affect you're trying to get the big prize by u keep getting nothing. You're hoping each time you win. Watch Nur on YouTube and infinite waters

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    • infinite waters sometimes doesn't know what he is saying.

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    • @realperson02 Nur is a beautiful intelligent woman you will like her advice

    • opinion owner I'll see her thoughts and discuss with you soon. if you want you can message me so that @eyecandi isn't bothered with notifications.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Find a replacement, even if it is only a temporary one and you'll forget him.

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    • Is it ever really that easy for women? I tried online dating but that was a crappie shoot

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    • I wouldn't know but statistically speaking women are always in higher demand by men that vice versa. Also a single straight man is a lot less likely to ignore a girl that shows interest in him than when a guy who is the one flirting with the girl. I'm not saying "Go find prince charming". I'm just saying to find someone who keeps you distracted long enough to forget anyone else.

    • sooooo truuuuuue... the one who loves the least always wins!

  • can you message me his number? I think I should talk to him.

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    • Haha no thanks!

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    • if it didn't work and you are still thinking about him, then just watch Matthew hussey on YouTube.

    • It was helpful thanks!

  • Why is it SO hard for women to tell a guy that she like him? Instead you wait and wait and the guy loses interest. Only your own fault.

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    • Nah, I made it very clear that I was interested, there was no question. I think it was the opposite, I showed too much interest and gave him too much security.

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    • Yeah, saying to a guy "I'm not interested any longer" means "Goodbye".

    • My big mouth... but I guess it was for the best. He was a jerk

What Girls Said 1

  • It's cause you haven't moved on

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