Is my boyfriend lying about his reason for breaking up with me?

My boyfriend broke up with me because he was "too busy." It's true that we didn't see each other very often. We were only able to see each other briefly after school and he would walk with me to my bus if he didn't have something else to do. He is passionate about soccer and values his grades, so he can be busy at times. We used to facetime and hang out on the weekends to compensate, and that was enough for me because I still got to see him. Well he started becoming more distant for a week and cancelled our plans and when i confronted him about it, he was apologetic and promised that things would change. Two days passed without a change and then he called me to tell me that we should "just be friends." In his words, "I've been realizing that a beautiful girl with an amazing personality deserves more time dedicated to solely her and I can't keep up with that." I was hurt and in shock, I thought he was just busy, I had no idea he was planning on doing this. The past couple days following the breakup have been difficult for me because I thought things were going so great beforehand. I can't say I was in love with him, but I definitely care about him a lot. The only word I can use to describe the feeling is heartbreak. He used to talk about the future with me, saying things like "a month and many more to come" and talking about how he wanted me to come to all his games, and planning activities we could do together. It all was just so sudden. The reason for dumping me seems like a cover up for a different reason that he doesn't have the heart to tell me. It just feels like such a weak reason to end a relationship, because it's something we can work out and compromise on easily, he just needs to talk to me about it. My friend has a a few classes with him and told me that he had been more quiet and passive than usual, so I know he was at least affected by it if only a little bit. Is he being genuine about his reasoning? Or do you think there's a different cause?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From a relationship coaching lens, I have a very basic belief: We make time for what matters. Busy or not, if you were a priority for him, he would've found the time.

    As well, when he said to you, "I've been realizing that a beautiful girl with an amazing personality deserves more time dedicated to solely her and I can't keep up with that", I thought, that's sweet but it's also very often used to cushion the blow.

    All to say, I don't think a lack of time is a weak reason to break up with someone, it just says a lot about what his real priorities were/are. I must say, this isn't something that you should worry about. I know it's easy for me to say that because I'm not in your shoes but this is not something that you can control. Not only that, you don't want to chase someone who isn't chasing you. In this case, he ended it and the more time you focus on the 'why' and the fact that you two could've compromised, the less time you're focused on moving forward. And by the way, what's to compromise for someone that already wasn't spending enough time with you? Think about that.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would believe him. He didn't have time to give and when you demanded time that he didn't have - he decided he couldn't commit to you in the way that you wanted now or any time in the near future. He is probably fairly attractive and knows girls will always be available to him when he is ready whether that is 5 years from now or 10 or 20 years from now.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Being a male as myself school and sports can take a major toll on your brain and takes up a ton of time. But your guy could have other issues. A Man with sense would sit down with his girl and explain why right now is not a good idea to continue the relationship. I don't know him but he seems really immature to break up with you over the phone. Depending on the length of your relationship it sounds like he is playing you or playing dumb in front of his friends this is common in younger teen guys. Don't keep taking a guy back and have them let you go again. Think it through. Give him his space and wait to see what the future holds. Or unless you want to investigate further have your friends keep tap on him to see if he's cheating. If he is he's a douche bag! Then move on. Hope a little guys advice helps.

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  • At that age, things get busy with school, sports, friends, preparing for college, figuring out his future goals, and so on. He may not be busy, but I suspect he at least feels pulled by too many things. I think the part about saying you deserve dedicated time is to try to let you down easy, though it may also be genuine.

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  • Yes his feelings may have changed and he's saying this to not be too "hard" on you after realising he may have been leading you on.

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  • Yeah

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  • He is too busy and he also he wants to be your typical guy dirtbag. You are pretty so he probably also has other pretty women but they want him just for the night. He actually was polite the way he broke up with you. Not your fault on this one.

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  • it's over so why does it matters?

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  • that distancing he shows is a lack of intrest

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  • may b yes... jst mov on

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  • Who cares, just move on. Do not treat your self as a victim. Be an adult and move on. Best thing is to light a candle and have funeral of that relationship. The rule is the moment the person said I am not interested in you. That moment your relationship has a cardiac arrest and dies a horrible death. So light a candle cry and MOVE ON!

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  • 16 and busy? i can't say anything about that , but about what your going through , well your not alone , we have all been there and i know its really hard , but i think you need to take it easy your 16 and there are lot of guys who may break your heart for any stupid reasons , this might be good reminder for you in the future , try not to think about him

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What Girls Said 1

  • When it comes to things like that, they are ALL excuses. Being w/someone will not always be easy, even committed people get busy, as do married people, but they don't just leave. As a couple you work things out, not bail as the 1st sign of an issue.

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