Advise on getting over a divorce?

I got divorced a few months ago, loved him to death and all that. Question is, how should i move on? Do guys generally get over divorce/breakup that easily? I'm already keeping myself busy all the time, yet it's that time of night where every single memory of us clicks back.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Build goals you enjoy pursuing (not immediate gratification) and pursue them. Fall in love with something (not necessarily someone). When you fall in love with the pursuit of this goal, you can get so excited about pursuing it that he'll end up working his way further and further out of your mind.

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    • I have a somewhat unusual view in that I don't consider broken hearts to be any different from broken dreams in general. I don't consider it very different from, say, a rising star athlete sustaining an injury that ruins his hopes and dreams.

      He recovers when he starts building new hopes and dreams. Time alone won't necessarily fix that.

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    • I never experienced a divorce but I did break up with a fiance the day after I celebrated that we were getting married with friends. I went from that apex of being madly in love to having my soul crushed overnight.

      And I thought I could never love that way ever again. I couldn't even walk outside my apartment without retracing the footsteps and conversations we had. I couldn't go to any of my favorite restaurants or any other places since I took her to all of them. I couldn't even listen to my favorite music since it was also her favorite.

      I ended up feeling tortured and started drinking myself to oblivion every weekend. I ended up throwing the engagement ring I got her that she returned to me into the river. I felt disconnected from the entire human race. Everyone and everything seemed meaningless to me at that point.

    • I started getting over it when I moved out of that apartment to a new part of the city, threw away all her stuff that she never bothered to reclaim. I even abandoned all my former friends since I had introduced them all to her and they had also become her friends.

      I just started traveling and being nomadic. Then I picked up new friends, started going camping with them, started writing music (something I did during childhood but never took seriously), and changed my whole style.

      After that I started having a blast and one day I woke up not even thinking about the ex once that day. Some time later I met the one who would become my wife, and surprisingly was able to fall madly in love a second time.

      In retrospect I loved the dream of that ex. I still remember the dream but now it's no longer about her -- that chapter in my life. It was just about me and how I felt -- the dream I built at the time.

What Girls Said 2

  • I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. But at this point, I don't know why divorce, so, therefore, I can't really assess the situation as you didn't explain what happened. Overall I can only say this. And this depends on how what I'm about to say relate to you.

    Marriage is not something you do just to get a divorce. If you understand that at least, great. But here is the warning. I don't know what really went on, but you will have to come to terms and grips to check within yourself first, to make sure you was not in the wrong that prompt the divorce in the first place. Whether it be adultery or something complete mundane. There is no: He was completely at fault. Or You was completely at fault. Both parties are responsible for what happens to the marriage/relationship. UNLESS he chose that he no longer desires a marriage with you and just quit. At that point, you can't control that. And I understand your pain. As to your other question. That depends entirely on him and how much he really emotionally invested in that marriage with you. Right now, what you need is professional counseling. Because thinking about it will just make it worse. I will tell you your heart won't just heal with time if you won't allow the process to heal, to begin with. It will take a long time to adjust. But what matters is you adjusting and having an emotional support system as well as much prayer to help you on this difficult path.

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  • This will happen but one day your marriage will just be another past event in your life you can look back at it as a learning lesson and be thankful for it. Never regret, can be raw still but you both chose this for the better. He was a huge part of your life that is going to change over time because you have to focus on you and becoming a better person than you were yesterday x

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