My boyfriend broke up w/ me but keeps doing little things as if he wants to get back together and then shuts me down and says no... why?

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he is happy however is worried he will never fall "in" love with me. He said he just doesn't have those butterfly feelings around me and said he could've spent forever the way we were but was afraid he would never want more than that. He has severe commitment issues and has never settled down... And know its partly that but he constantly says "I care for you, I love you as a person, I miss you and will probably regret this one day but I dont want to be with you. Since then, he stops over randomly... and when I ask why he says his mind hasn't changed he just wanted to make sure I was ok... he flirts with me, when I ask if things are changing he says no... he will randomly text me late some nights to tell me he is having a hard time sleeping still since the break up... and when I respond asking if he wants to try again he says no. Why is he doing this? Is my best option to completely shut him out? Please help.


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What Guys Said 3

  • It seems that your boyfriend has no idea how to love and no idea how to differenciate between loving and feeling an emotion. I know it's a bit harsh for me to say that he might be addicted on pornography and that he now tries to understand the difference between his secret affaires (on the internet) and you. But it mustn't be porn, he was maybe just not tought by his parents how to love and he seeks those answers not (only) in porn but in Hollywood's imagination of love, which means: You love when you have that kind of feeling. (the same as porn, but not sexual)
    It's very important for both of you to simply learn how to love on a realiable source. And, as you may assume, I found that source of love in god. 😁
    God says that love never dies. Love is the only thing that keeps this world from breaking apart, love never searches for itself, and so much more...
    1. Corinthians 13

    1 If I speak in the languages of humans and angels but have no love, I have become a reverberating gong or a clashing cymbal.
    2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can understand all secrets and every form of knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains but have no love, I am nothing.
    3 Even if I give away everything that I have and sacrifice myself, but have no love, I gain nothing.
    4 Love is always patient; love is always kind; love is never envious or arrogant with pride. Nor is she conceited,
    5 and she is never rude; she never thinks just of herself or ever gets annoyed. She never is resentful;
    6 is never glad with sin; she’s always glad to side with truth, and pleased that truth will win.
    7 She bears up under everything; believes the best in all; there is no limit to her hope, and never will she fall.
    8 Love never fails. Now if there are prophecies, they will be done away with. If there are languages, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will be done away with.
    9 For what we know is incomplete and what we prophesy is incomplete.
    10 But when what is complete comes, then what is incomplete will be done away with.
    11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.
    12 Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, but then we will be face to face. Now what I know is incomplete, but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.
    13 Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

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  • The better question is why are you talking to him at all?

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    • No I agree. That's where I struggle because I want to make it work... he one day acts like he does and the next reminds me his mind is made up. I know I should just bail... however I was widowed at 30 with an 8 year old son and it is a little hard for me to just delete someone. I'm assuming I should though

    • Yes you should. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. Sound familiar?

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