How did your worst break up change you?


Every relationship that we have changes us in some way. Hopefully, most of our experiences get processed, we determine what we could have done differently, and we are a little bit older and wiser :) when we have the next relationship.

My first marriage was to a lady who was a borderline personality. I didn't see it for a few years, probably because I didn't want to see it. I ignored or minimized the obvious warning signs. She was self-absorbed. Her moods made home life unbearable at times but I stayed because she was quite charming at other times. I stay engaged in trying to please her (an impossible task) instead of taking a few steps back and looking at the big picture. It was torture and, unfortunately, I could have ended it much sooner but I didn't. I wasted 17 years of my life.

When we finally broke up, I was damaged goods! I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. So I found a former girlfriend and married her, just so I could prove that the problems in my first marriage weren't my fault. If I could make my second marriage work, then that would mean that I was okay.

The rebound marriage was a terrible, terrible, really bad idea and it ended after 2 years. Now I take relationships slower and I have developed a rule for myself: follow your heart into a relationship but follow your head out of a relationship.

How did your worst relationship and break up affect your life?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My first (and only) break up was really out of the blue like literally a day before he was telling me how glad he is he met me etc and yeah it was through text message too. We met up an hour after he sent the text and had dinner and i have to say, the most awkwardest dinner of my life i was on the verge of crying the whole thing and the goodbye was even more awkward. He then TEXTED me as i got on my bus begging me not to stop speaking to him but i cut contact (luckily i was going back to university so it made the break up easier). It made me take future dates a lot more slow, I've realised i need an outgoing guy and not someone who just wants to watch films in their room / play xbox everyday. It's also made me realise i shouldn't settle for less and also the cliche 'its made me stronger.' Now, last week (a year later) he messaged me saying he made the biggest mistake of his life :) but im so glad he dumped me because i wouldn't have met my wonderful current boyfriend.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I had dated a lot of women and some were devastating losses at the time. One in particular six years ago had me so broken and lost I found this site GAG through a link from the seven signs of grieving. I got a lot of great insight to what I was missing or refusing to look into. After some time, which time is the best cure for pain I realized it was a blessing.

    True divine love will never leave you through a break up.
    I did a moral and honest inventory of motivations and dating habits. As well as my emotional need to be with someone seeking someone to make me happy.
    I took time off from dating because every relation I had up until then ended. I did not want to go through that again. I also realized that everyone of those relationships I sought out or was eagerly anticipating meeting someone.

    When I was comfortable being alone and just living life as Iife intended. About a year and a half someone crossed my path unexpectedly and effortlessly. We both were not seeking a relationship so the intentions were pure. We soon found out we had almost everything in common and had the same desires. We loved each other for who we were not trying to just find what we could put up with. That was missing from all the previous relationships.

    We are each others soulmates and we are great together in every facet. She is loved unconditionally and i am proud to say she is my fiancee. And all's i had to do to be blessed with her is not look for it. I just believed that the ONE was out there being prepared for me.

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What Girls Said 38

  • It wasn't necessarily the worst relationship, or maybe it was, but it was definitely the worst break up. There were a lot of elements to it, really too much to fit here. I have discussed some of those things in other questions here. It was my last relationship, though, and I learned a ridiculous number of things from it.

    Prior to that relationship, I had an "ideal" mate and my ex really fit that ideal. Long story short, after that relationship was 100% over--and it took years for it to totally be over even after it ended--I sat down and realized that I needed to change my standards or just accept being single. I am not talking about lowering my standards--I simply realized my "ideal" didn't consider some important things and that I had my ideal and it still didn't work out, as well as that if I insisted on that ideal while adding those important things I'd probably never find anyone. I had to really think about whether or not that'd be okay with me.

    Basically, I question a lot of different things and still don't really have answers. I really lean more towards thinking relationships are not for me and that I'd be better off single. But I do want to get married and be with someone... I just don't think it's possible to have the kind of relationship I want to have. Looking back at all of my relationships, as well as other relationships I see, makes me feel that way, but my last relationship hammered it home that what I want is probably not possible.

    That relationship ending and how it has led to the other issues I've mentioned also really triggered the huge fear I now have of my parents dying and what will happen to me after that. As long as my parents are around, I feel like I'm single but not alone and not really lonely. When they die, that will completely change. My mother is 69, my father 68. My father has many health problems. Prior to that relationship ending, I really wanted to move back to Illinois or Michigan, or maybe move to Texas. Now, I don't want to move at all because my parents are here and I feel like they're all I have. I follow my mother almost everywhere, and most times when my parents go places I worry they won't come back. I check on them a lot.

    My last relationship was also the only one I really felt loved in, and after we broke up my ex denied that love was there in the relationship. Like Blonde401 said, it makes it hard to trust others, and I'd probably never believe anyone who says they love me romantically again.

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    • It sounds like you are an idealist and a romantic and I understand how that sometimes clashes with reality. I also understand your feeling about your parents. Last year, I moved in with my mother and step-father so they could remain in their home. She is 86 years old and he is 87 so I also confront the aloneness that will come when they are gone.

      I do hope that you eventually meet someone who will be worthy of your trust and who will not necessarily be ideal, but will be close to ideal for you. :)

  • My first break up was by far the worst. He left me completely out of the blue and it genuinely felt like a train travelling at full speed had just hit me. It took me months of crying and "soul searching" but I eventually got back to my old self. Looking back on it, that relationship did teach me that I can be happy even if it is without the person I thought at the time I'd be with forever. It's definitely made me a lot more relaxed for future relationships, like the one I'm in now. I've been through the worst break up of my life and I'm still happy and able to love again so I guess I just have no more fear.

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  • It wasn't really a breakup because we were never together. But a guy toyed with me for a few years, on and off. For a pretty long time, the good aspects of him outweighed the bad, and I turned a blind eye to the bad things and tried to justify them by thinking about all the good things he has done. In general I'd say he is a good person, but he does have his issues and he can be really immature sometimes - completely refusing to see things from other people's POV for instance. Quite selfish sometimes too. He's just really multi-faceted and a difficult guy. From what I've heard though, he's completely aware of his issues and he's working on them. I still don't really want anything to do with him though.
    I learned quite a lot from him actually. Not to take anyone's bullshit when you KNOW that they're in the wrong. To not let someone step all over you and then accept them making it seem like you're at fault for getting your feelings hurt. To not justify someone's wrongdoings with what they've done right.
    He got to know me at quite a fragile time in my life, I was pretty inexperienced and insecure. I wouldn't say he used it against me per se, but he was aware of my situation. He just didn't take it into consideration, and went ahead and did/said things that you kind of shouldn't, to a person who's the way I used to be back then. Hard to explain without going too much into detail.
    He definitely gave me thicker skin. I learned how to be more blunt with people. It gave me an eye for dishonesty. I learned how to stand up for myself and for what I think is right. And if he ever read any of this, his ego would probably inflate. But he should know that I changed because of negative reasons. Just because the outcome worked in my favour, it doesn't mean he gets any credit. Through him, I also learned the importance of quickly and painlessly cutting out toxic people from your life.

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  • It smartened me up. I was devastated to find out this guy had been cheating on me so I did what they do in movies and tv. I drank. A lot. I didn't eat, I was depressed, I dindnt go out, and even thought about hurting myself. But then I realized, alcohol is a depressant and it's probably the last thing one should do when depressed. So now I only drink when I'm happy and having fun.

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  • It was long and hashed out for multiple reasons.

    My first boyfriend we were on and off. We were together 2 and a half years until the first break up... he broke up with me because my dad was ill.
    I had to take my dad to hospital and within a week he left me for "more time for my dad". What I needed was support. My job gave me no time off and I ended up becoming a Carer. My dad had to have an amputation within the month.

    We were still in love and got back together after 6 months. We broke up while he was "just friends" (dating someone else) and he broke down and crawled back to me. This continued until he cheated on me and left me while I was at my new job.

    When I knew he cheated on me, no less with his best friends little sister who was a child, I turned my back and never looked again.

    My journey was horrible and hard but I have a boyfriend now who is supportive and loves me bar nothing.

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  • It made me realize that i have to learn when to walk away and stay gone because sometimes love isn't enough if its only one sided and that most of my friends didn't believe in the marital rape and abuse was going on because his charm. No one is really there and being homeless makes you hard for a time but you have to relearn to be you after all that. My most recent which has hurt worse than that one showed me that my heart is bitter and angry but it won't always be and now i know that moving five hundred miles can mean absolutely nothing to them if its not you they wanted it from. I have to live with me and no one else and all i can depend on is me as well.

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  • My first serious relationship was with someone who confessed having “psychopathic tendencies” after he dumped me. Of course, him saying that absolutely horrified me. I didn’t want to believe it. As I thought about it, though, all the things I’d initially been bothered and confused by (and that I’d tried calling him out on in the conversation that led up to him dumping me) started to make a bit more sense.

    The overblown showering of attention and affection in the beginning of the relationship. How he still seemed so enraged by me choosing to end our little high school romance, because I was stressed out and didn’t feel ready to handle a serious relationship with him at the time. ...

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    • ... The way he’d mimic and mirror my gestures and expressions—even some of my life experiences. How much he relished fooling around—often in inappropriate places. Like my office. His parents’ bedroom. The way he seemed to give me affection in little doses after a while. The simmering rage he finally couldn’t seem to hide. The way it came out—wrathful, but terrifyingly controlled. His long list of broken hearts. How he blamed all his exes or called them crazy and obsessive. His rock-solid ego. At a public family dinner, his unabashed contempt for his mother. The possessive stare reserved for me—the only person he’d managed to develop a crush on before he reached adulthood. His risk-seeking lifestyle. The way I tried to hide how sad I was from my family—how I felt like no one else would ever love me. How I’d never felt that way with any other guy. My staunch refusal to trust him. The way I felt as though I had to entertain him. Fearing what might happen if I didn’t entertain him. ...

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    • It's great that you salvaged something from the experience and made yourself a wiser lady!

    • Thank you. =)

  • I have 2 break ups in mind and I can't pick which one was worse.

    There was the first love, he cheated on me and decided he preferred her over me. I was 14, I wasn't ready for sex but he kept saying he was and because I wasn't giving him sex he went to someone else. It broke my heart. Before I met him I was happy-go-lucky and after the break-up I was this miserable cretin but overall it taught me that not everyone who says they care actually does.

    I wouldn't technically call this a break up. Because he just ignored and blocked me on everything. We were doing great and then next minute it's like he disappeared. Just ghosted me so can I really call that a break-up? Like are we still together? :')
    Back then I wouldn't have made jokes about it but I made my peace with it. It was absolute torture not knowing why he did what he did. But it made me see sometimes I have to live with unanswered questions... well in retrospect I learnt that when my friend committed suicide and didn't leave a note but the experience of that 'break up' just added to the lesson.

    It wasn't until I met my current boyfriend and cried on him (when we were still friends) about my ex ghosting me. Told me he's not worth thinking about and the best thing for me to do is live out my life and one day I won't even remember his name.

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  • Haven't had a terrible break up yet. but after dealing with people and realizing how much they can be so trolling and just not caring, it makes me not want to take people srsly anymore.

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  • For me it was a wake up call about the true nature of love. How it is a very emotional state and it doesn't make much sense half the time. It felt like the curtains had finally been opened on my windows to the world.

    Yes that does sound a bit pathetic but it is truly how it felt and how I still think about what happened.

    After that it was a case of, "ok world, f**k you". I went and got a new job and got back with all the friends that had drifted away because of the toxic relationship. I started partying and generally abusing myself but having a great time. I became me again.

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  • It taught me that you can't save people and sometimes just have to let them go and prioritize your own wellbeing.

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  • I'm sorry you had to go through that. My ex suffers from untreated PTSD so I understand well the toll that mental illness can take on a relationship. Although I'm still reeling from the loss (it was a just a few weeks ago), I keep trying to remind myself that it's no one's fault, that I did the very best I could with the information I had at the time, and that to have loved and lost is still to have loved.

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    • That is a remarkably bright attitude for you to have under these circumstances!

  • I broke up with my ex of 4 years because of tough love. He wasn't doing enough in his life. I was going to college, had 3 jobs, pre cancerous cells and lupus with awful flare ups. The stress he caused didn't help and he would never ever help me when I was sick. He would dump me at the hospital and hardly visit because "hospitals made him nervous", yet I was the one with the cancer? Anyways, I broke up with him thinking he would come crawling back, but no. He indefinitely never wanted to get back with me. It was weird because he was so fake and I couldn't believe he was feeding me lies... we got back into contact this last fall and it seemed as if things were just fine and we were back in love. I went back to visit the second time after a month of texting, calls and like I said - acting as if we were back together. As soon as I flew to Los Angeles the second time, spent 2k, he didn't want to hold my hand, was looking at other women and didn't hold me when I was cold. I held my tongue. I was supposed to stay 5 days, but on the second day of this I called him out and he said, "why would I like someone like you? DID YOU THINK I LED YOU ON?" It sounded like he was caught red handed. As I'm telling him off, he slips through the door like a snake. I caught an early bus home, 10hour trip. I texted him that and left. He didn't bother checking in on me. I called him next day again and he said he was busy meeting his tinder date... yeah...

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  • my last relationship broke up and i somehow felt that all relationships had to be like that one - toxic and bad but now that i am in a healthy and amazing relationship, have realised that everyone is different and every single relationship is different because its with a different person.

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  • I don't know, it's left an empty feeling inside me, I can still feel the ache in my chest when I think about it, and I don't know if it will go away. But I think the memory will get fuzzier over time, and I'm optimistic that I'll find some happiness to conceal it.

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  • Im more calm and thoughtful about things.

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  • My recent break up, who was my first love showed me how much more there is to life. You think you have to "belong" to someone for your life to be complete, but it just shows when you become independent again how much there actually is to life. You regain your "old self" to an extent, and can actually have fun and meet new people. I'd say it's actually gave me more confidence, where the majority of most people may differ. It makes me understand that I actually deserve better, and I will hopefully get it some day! It also has helped me to stop judging other people's relationships.

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  • Made me less likely to keep holding out for them to become better.

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  • I used to be a really nice and quiet girl. Everyone I knew called me either kind/nice or innocent. After a breakup which I really regret, I've kind of distanced myself from everyone and I'm now usually on my own. I rarely smile - I'm a completely different person now.

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  • I was quite emotional back then because it was the first time I did care about a guy. He said that I was very sensitive and overeacting. I admit that it's true. The good thing is, I'll say I'm more collected now and I'm careful about what I'm gonna do and say. I approach matters calmly and rasionally. The bad news is, I'm still sensitive to changes. When I feel like something is off, I'll usually talk about this bluntly but some people may not accept this so they will feel intimidated by my words while on the other hand, I'm just trying to make things clear through some kind of light talks. I think I have trust issue?

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  • It was my first boyfriend and I was 14 years old. i did a lot for him. He did nothing for me. He cheated on me. I found out and broke up with over the phone. i learned to never do anything for anyone unless they treat you good back
    I never been in a serious relationship after that
    I'm almost 25
    I like short term things

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  • Gave me trust issues, which has made it hard for me to trust and open up to someone new... and always having the notion that they're just out there to use me/get in my pants, and will leave me once they've gotten what they want from me :(

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  • It taught me that men aren't worth trusting
    They can't handle being told no
    They are only interested when they get their way

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    • The same goes for females.

    • Your conclusions only apply to the guys that you have dated. There are guys who are trustworthy, who understand limits, and who are equal partners in a relationship. But, if you keep looking for the same kind of guy. . . you keep finding the same kind of guy!

  • It made me realize that I made the right decision not to have sex with him. 😀 He dumped me after 3 months. He ghosted me and dumped me through text. I dodged a bullet. If I had sex with this guy I imagine that I would be more hurt

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    • Also I don't trust men it's going to take me a long time to trust men again but I learned in life that it is ok to cut guys off. Better to love yourself and put yourself in better situation, than to be in a bad relationship

  • It made me prioritize my health over anything else, have higher standards, and never want to live with anyone unless after marriage.

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  • I learned what to and not to say or do to stop the doubt, anger, etc. I also learned what to look for in the next person so as not to make that mistake again.

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  • I got very depressed

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  • Not to trust and be dependent on a guy

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    • The goal of a relationship is to find someone who you trust and upon whom you can depend, but that takes time to develop. I hope you are not closed off to the possibility of that happening in the future.

    • With the guy I am with eventually even having a relationship with myself will be difficult. Lol

  • i learned that i can't let people take advantage of me

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  • made me trust my instincts more

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 29

  • From a guy's perspective, I have tried for 10+ years to find a girl who I like and be compatible with and I am still searching. The last break up was devastating and it's a long story but I will give a brief timeline of what happened... met a girl, we both liked each other a lot, I was too shy to be myself around her, she chooses another guy, we end up cutting each other off, she's with this guy for 2 years, she breaks up with him, I try again which only leads to heartbreak again and her telling me "I don't like you like that". I have dealt with shady girls, girls who have baggage and girls who thrive off drama.

    What I realize now in life, I want to be with a girl who shares the same values and morals as I do, very meticulous, hard working, one of the most genuine people I have ever met (because I try to be genuine and honest w/others) into sports, likes to travel. I am not rushing to be with a pretty girl just to fill a void in my life, that's not cool. I have learned to focus on myself and eliminate girls from the equation because even if I am myself, make her laugh, be interesting, give a girl her space and play it cool and it still does not work out, then why bother trying to meet girls at school, work, social events and etc? It's a waste of time in my opinion.

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    • It's not a waste of time if each experience makes you a wiser man/better person and prepares you for the day when you meet The One.

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    • @ubergo150 Hey I feel for you man, I think plenty of guys have been in that position. Your profile says you are 21, I'm 30 so it's a 9 year age difference between you and I. I'm assuming either the girl is a few years younger than you or maybe a year or 2 older than you, even then, 22 or 23 is not old at all. My advice to you because I have been through that myself, girls that age are usually not looking to tie down into a relationship, they want to have fun and potentially be with different guys in a 10-year span. I know girls who have openly told me that I was friends with how creeped out she got from other guys being a little too interested in her or going to Vegas or bachelorette parties and enjoying men stripping in front of them.

      Focus on yourself and hope you find the right girl, I have put more effort in the last 10 years then you have so I know how painful it can be, trust me. The difference with me is I tried few wks ago and still failed, whatever, it is what it is, move on

    • I think girls have to understand as well that as they get older, their time is ticking as well. That's fine if they want to have fun in their early 20s but at some point we all have to buckle down, leave our parents nest and be independent the same way our parents had to as well 30, 40 years ago.

  • I was with someone for 10+ years who, by the end, didn't do anything except sit and watch TV. Didn't work, didn't cook, didn't clean, no exercise, nothing. Insisted that nothing was wrong.

    I had stuck by them thinking that was what a good partner did, but it became obvious that nothing was ever going to change and I had to decide if I was content to live like that for the rest of my life. I decided I wanted a life again, and it ended. I rediscovered myself and all the things I used to enjoy doing but also wanted to do but never did because I felt guilty going out to enjoy myself while they stayed home.

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    • Did she finally get up off her butt and start doing something to take care of herself?

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    • It sounds like you eventually made several good decisions. You learn from mistakes and you move forward.

    • I think I learned similar lessons to yours from your first marriage, that there is indeed a breaking point where there's nothing left to give. Admitting it is extremely hard because you've made a commitment to be with that person through thick and thin.

      I did later have a friend who had BPD so I have an inkling of what that must have been like.

  • Not one particular relationship, but a whole succession of failures. Before - a naive and trusting kid, who wanted a family of his own. To have a loving sweet girl I can spend my life with and a kid I can teach to be a better man than me. Now - a disillusioned cynical asshole, who wants to throw up at the thought of being with someone. Lesson learned, I guess.

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  • I have only suffered through only one break up and i think it was the worst thing that happened to me. I was totally in love with her, it was so good and real that i still can't believe she left me. I loved her more than anything in the world. But she was not happy with me. i did all i could but i failed to stop her from leaving me. I didn't wanted to accept that she left me and dreamed of her coming back until some time passed and i realized she won't return. It broke me and in more than one ways. I was shattered and depressed because she was the best thing that happened to me. I grew so angry on everyone and most of all on myself. I grew hateful and totally depressed. I had a tough time getting out of all that negativity but it already damaged my studies. Thanks to my special sister dania here on gag who helped me most. Now i think i am a stronger person because the worst already happened. Now can make me so miserable anymore.

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  • It made me very very VERY careful about falling for a girl. Now, whenever I feel like I'm starting to love, I'm extremely cautious in preventing it from making me soft and emotional. I have to consciously limit how much of my concern I make known, how much I show my fear of losing her, how soon I contact her back, how much attitude I tolerate, etc.

    The process actually hurts quite a bit. I've never been the kind of guy to hide certain parts of myself from people I care about. Needless to say, this has been a hell of a change so far.

    But I'm not getting into another relationship where I'm taken for granted and looked down on.

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  • Mine was documented in a myTake (they were then simply called "Articles") I wrote a few years ago. It made me look back on some formation I had earlier on in college that ultimately brought me to that point.

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  • it showed me you can't really trust women. They lie, their promises mean nothing, they cheat. Very sad...

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  • I stopped dumping people out of the blue and stopped cheating...

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  • OlderAndWiser-My worst breakup made me into a cynical, hard boiled old bird. I have had trust issues ever since. I learned that trash frequently comes in pretty
    packages. I learned that just like new cars, when the new car smell wears off, then most relationships become mundane and routine.

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  • My worst breakup was pretty tame. It taught me to be forthright. Not blunt, but honest about what I want and how I feel. Better to be alone but able to find a person you really want than to be living a lie in a relationship you don't like just to say you are in a relationship.

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  • For me, I went to bumblefuck pa to go to school. I'm a minority and talking to girls never blew over well. I remember thinking at a young age i'd alone for a very long time and trying again and again cemented that in my mind. Now i'm a military veteran making steps forward in life but I know deep down inside when my time comes I won't fight to stay here

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  • That essentially you can't save anyone who ultimately doesn't want to be saved.

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  • It made me realize that I will be much better off if I live out the rest of my days without getting married. I thought I had found the one girl who was with me for me and one that I was really into. Well, it turns out that she was just like every other girl who only dated me for my ability to provide a stable life with money.

    If you don't find a woman worth marrying before you are successful, then you will never find one who will be worth marrying and isn't after your success.

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  • It made me realize... my right-hand feels better than her vagina.
    #hotdoghallway

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  • 😂😂😂😂 Sir you didn't needed to put an Indian TV serial's pic for this question 😂😂😂

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  • It taught me to communicate a lot more and to not let my shyness get in the way.

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  • I found out that the perfect person doesn't exist but the perfect person for you does

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  • It taught me to trust no one no matter what they say or do and that nobody can hide who they really are

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  • When I was 21, my first girlfriend broke my heart.
    For a year, she had used me as a diversion, so that her parents would not suspect that she was maintaining a secret relationship with a bad boy, of whom they disapproved.
    I loved that girl more than words can express.
    The experience left me psychologically incapable of feeling romantic love for a female.

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    • That is a horribly tragic story! I hope that she got run over by a garbage truck!

  • I... don't trust very easily anymore

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  • Made me not care as much.

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  • Well females, did your break up change you? Most females see the relationship being one way. What female think overrides the male partner. Using males to benefit yourself. So women, when you broke up, did you learn anything? That relationship is base just around you.

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    • It is obvious that you have had some very bad experiences.

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    • @OlderandWiser, now you've butt hurt him and he's probably blocked you for asking him what his first language is. He American family man of God word. He English goodly.

  • I matured.

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  • I started looking for a woman with more traditional conservative values and morals.

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  • Reading through all these responses now I know what "first world problems" are LOL

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    • Talking about the question I've never had a serious relation, but I was hooking up with a friend of mine and I did started having feelings for her. But things ended very abruptly and I still am not sure what was the reason for her to end things with me. I have now learnt to have sex or relations with women without getting much attached from this experience.

  • There was a girl I was in a relationship a few years ago that I once thought about proposing too. However I was going through a rough time in my career & professional identity at the time and I took it out on her. Truth was at that time I had to figure things out on my own.

    She eventually broke up with me, but we had a good talk when it happened. I knew it was coming but I hugged her and said "A part of me will always love you". She told me "don't be a stranger" (which was a lie, she wanted NOTHING to do with me after that). However what I said to her still holds true today.

    Anyway a few weeks after the breakup I discovered I had an HPV infection. I was horrified, angry and depressed. I debated for three weeks if I should tell her or not. She was only sexual partner for a year. I had opportunities to cheat, but I never gave in.

    Anyway we met up and when I told about what happened she acted all relieved because she had been vaccinated. So showed absolutely zero fucking concern about my situation. She literally told me "oh I'm fine, as for you.. well your an EX so tough luck".

    I did absolutely nothing to deserve that. There was a period she told me "I love you" for almost 8 months (she was the first to say it). She would constantly tell me how lucky she was to find me, show me off to her friends and family, plan surprises for me, etc. Then she treated me less than a human being.

    Anyway I went through 8 months of severe depression. Couldn't eat, sleep and almost lost my job. Everybody thought I was being a pussy because of the breakup, when the ugly truth was something I endure in complete isolation. That was one of the shittest parts of the whole ordeal.

    However I decided to focus on my career, I moved to another state, got a nice place and tried dating again. I then had a hook up with girl who was just visiting my city. I told her about the HPV issue and she didn't care. The fact that I felt desirable again felt like a 100lb weight was taken off my back. I then met several other girls and got a new girlfriend (split up 2 months ago... but I'm not that upset).

    Pointing being is that all break ups are different and people react differently. I felt like my worse one gave me motivation to get my shit together professionally. I doubled my salary and bought a house. However it has also inflicted some deep psychological damage to my ability to trust women in general. I never, ever thought my ex would treat me the way she di

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  • It made it very difficult for me to trust women for many years.

    Also made me adamant that I will not be getting engaged to any women I date for at least 3 years.

    I will never share passwords / phone messages / allow reading of my messages by someone again.

    I will not spoil any woman who doesn't spoil me back.

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  • I've never been in a relationship, but I've been rebounded twice which were the times I felt closest to being in a relationship and I will say those hurt me drastically. It made me skeptical and super guarded with who I like so I don't get hurt again.

    One girl left me for the ex she complained about. Another, I found out was sleeping around while I slept with her and yet she made it look like I was the bad guy.

    Both destroyed me and kinda made me feel like I was rebounding myself.

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    • @OlderAndWiser have you ever been someone's rebound before?

    • Yes. PM me and I'll give you the details.

  • My broke up was horrible. As my gf's parents kept on pushing us for marriage and my girlfriend wants to have kids at a young age. During this time, I wasn't making much as I was working at entry level position in a company. I didn't have much life during that time but to work 7 days a week, including part time waiting tables in a restaurant as I have all expenses to pay. I felt like our future is very distant, almost like it will never happen because I cared so much, at the same time I felt like shit because I can't provide a decent living the way my peers can. This went on for a year and a half and I was so stressful and exhausted that I think I have depression. then one day, we had a big argument and I snapped, yelled at her so fiercely and said all the horrible things I could have think of, like telling her to go fuck a rich guy then that will solve all your problems. she cried really bad and never turn back to me. It has been almost a year since the breakup but that moment is still like yesterday.

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