Every relationship that we have changes us in some way. Hopefully, most of our experiences get processed, we determine what we could have done differently, and we are a little bit older and wiser :) when we have the next relationship.
My first marriage was to a lady who was a borderline personality. I didn't see it for a few years, probably because I didn't want to see it. I ignored or minimized the obvious warning signs. She was self-absorbed. Her moods made home life unbearable at times but I stayed because she was quite charming at other times. I stay engaged in trying to please her (an impossible task) instead of taking a few steps back and looking at the big picture. It was torture and, unfortunately, I could have ended it much sooner but I didn't. I wasted 17 years of my life.
When we finally broke up, I was damaged goods! I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. So I found a former girlfriend and married her, just so I could prove that the problems in my first marriage weren't my fault. If I could make my second marriage work, then that would mean that I was okay.
The rebound marriage was a terrible, terrible, really bad idea and it ended after 2 years. Now I take relationships slower and I have developed a rule for myself: follow your heart into a relationship but follow your head out of a relationship.
How did your worst relationship and break up affect your life?
Most Helpful Girl
My first (and only) break up was really out of the blue like literally a day before he was telling me how glad he is he met me etc and yeah it was through text message too. We met up an hour after he sent the text and had dinner and i have to say, the most awkwardest dinner of my life i was on the verge of crying the whole thing and the goodbye was even more awkward. He then TEXTED me as i got on my bus begging me not to stop speaking to him but i cut contact (luckily i was going back to university so it made the break up easier). It made me take future dates a lot more slow, I've realised i need an outgoing guy and not someone who just wants to watch films in their room / play xbox everyday. It's also made me realise i shouldn't settle for less and also the cliche 'its made me stronger.' Now, last week (a year later) he messaged me saying he made the biggest mistake of his life :) but im so glad he dumped me because i wouldn't have met my wonderful current boyfriend.4
Most Helpful Guy
I had dated a lot of women and some were devastating losses at the time. One in particular six years ago had me so broken and lost I found this site GAG through a link from the seven signs of grieving. I got a lot of great insight to what I was missing or refusing to look into. After some time, which time is the best cure for pain I realized it was a blessing.
True divine love will never leave you through a break up.
I did a moral and honest inventory of motivations and dating habits. As well as my emotional need to be with someone seeking someone to make me happy.
I took time off from dating because every relation I had up until then ended. I did not want to go through that again. I also realized that everyone of those relationships I sought out or was eagerly anticipating meeting someone.
When I was comfortable being alone and just living life as Iife intended. About a year and a half someone crossed my path unexpectedly and effortlessly. We both were not seeking a relationship so the intentions were pure. We soon found out we had almost everything in common and had the same desires. We loved each other for who we were not trying to just find what we could put up with. That was missing from all the previous relationships.
We are each others soulmates and we are great together in every facet. She is loved unconditionally and i am proud to say she is my fiancee. And all's i had to do to be blessed with her is not look for it. I just believed that the ONE was out there being prepared for me.2