Do I give him one last chance? We are now on a 6 week break to find ourselves but he cheats so much and lies and says cruel things in anger. Advice?

I met a guy in the States, I'm from London. After 1 wk I returned home. For 4 months we spoke for hrs. Things started falling apart when I would try and schedule a trip to him... he would be too busy, leaving me with only 4 day gaps to visit him. I decided it was suspicious & cut him out. After 3 months of no contact, he wrote a letter which said our connection was amazing & why had I stopped speaking. We started again and things got better but I decided to check his instagram after he texted 'I won't have good reception as Im going camping this wknd'. Sure enough he was with his ex. He told me lied for fear of losing me again. He thought he would give her another chance when I disappeared but realised it wouldn't work. Even though we weren't in a relationship, it was a betrayal. I was shocked when I found out that he had called me that weekend whilst she was in the shower.. meaning they just had sex. He played us both. He eventually broke up with her permanently & 4 months later we were official on NYE. The plan was to come back in 8 months as I was saving up again to see if we were compatible in real life. We had only had 4 weeks physical time but 9 months telephone contact. He visited during the 4th month apart to see my friends & friends. Finally when I went to see him, I found out he had gone on craiglist asking about 20 girls for sex. I was so hurt. I lost so much money on this 3 month trip. After I flew home, I cut him out. After 5 wks he turned up on my doorstep. He said he realised what he lost, had gone to therapy as I said (5 sessions) to fix his issues of lying and cheating & would continue therapy & wanted to marry me. I found out he had slept with someone during our 5 wk recent break up. He had slept with someone 2 months before he said he loved me & lied about it. He accepted 2 blow jobs from girls around that time too & had slept with a girl whilst we were together. He lies so much. He's 7 years youngr. I love him but feel he'll cheat agin, 1 yr, 5yrs?

Updates:
So I just sent him a text saying its over. Enough now, it's done. This is really painful.
Thanks for all your responses

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Most Helpful Guy

  • honesty he might care about you but this is something that you don't need it seems to me you have invested to much of your love in to this guy and he doesn't deserve you or the time you have put in. I think you want to keep giving him chances because of how invested you are in him but you're better off just leaving him and it'll hurt and you'll be lost for a time but someone will come around and you'll be truly happy

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    • Thanks Nate, I really appreciate your advice. It's so hard being in the thicket of it all

    • It's just how life goes sometimes and as the saying goes love is blind. I'm happy I could he'll in some way but what do I know I'm only 18 lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • How can you give him one last chance when clearly you can't trust him alone? And the distance will crush your mental stability wondering what he's lying about

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    • He had said we need to rebuild trust. It won't be easy but he won't give up, he said we will eventually move on from this and he is happy to be transparent about everything.

    • But I agree about it crushingme mentally. I am full of so much anger it's as if my stomach is metal and my heart aches. It hurts less to know I am cutting him off completely.

    • Thats my point hun. There does come a point when there is too much past to rebuild from. Its ok him saying he'll be transparent about things as he's not on the other side of it

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • Move on. No more chances. You deserve better.

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  • Either he's lying or he's unable to control his impulses; in either case it is time to look elsewhere.

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  • You did the right thing. Don't let him talk you back into this unhealthy relationship!

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    • Yeah I blocked him from everywhere and I got many missed calls from random overseas numbers which are all him but I blocked them all.

    • It's like he's lying to himself now believing we can have happiness.

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    • Wow, that just makes it clear doesn't it. That's an aspect I didn't consider. Thank you for that cool video. Do you know this from experience I'm curious. I think what you said makes it pretty simple my choice.

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    • Thank you kind stranger:) This is really tough to realise I loved someone who really didn't love me. Im willing to go through it to come out the other end better. Thanks again!

    • Good luck ;)

  • if once he was addicted to something he can't loose that. he found out your weakness as you are very kind and excusing him after many mistakes so he had used your kindness and played with your emotions.
    i think you need to breakup with him and find the love who loves you most rather than you love the most.

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  • dump him he's even very lucky to have you this long

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    • He even says he knows how lucky he is that I didn't cut him out so why does he do this crap if he knows how lucky he is? I'm attractive, smart, loyal, hard working, whats his deal? he cried so much when he recently turned up on my doorstop about all the pain in his life. And i said cut it out, stop making everything about you and sort your shit out.

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    • It's prob why I can't forgive him. I have so much anger towards him

    • its going to be hard and sad but you can do this, you are stronger then you think

  • I only read the title and I can tell you that you should leave him.

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  • so leave, have more respect for yourself.

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  • Dump his ass.

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  • this relationship seems Uber complicated. I'd end it and watch a happy movie.

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  • You should definitely not give him a chance. The guy is a douche bag. You deserve better.

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    • Thanks. That really helps hearing an outside party give me a direct answer based on everything that I mentioned.

  • Move on

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  • my advoice pls live with he

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  • yeah, americans are generally douchebags

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  • If someone is a cheater, leave them.

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What Girls Said 1

  • no more chance... guys like him won't change

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