Should I ask him for a break, just to figure out what I want?

I've been thinking about it a lot lately--- searching the internet for people who relate to my opinion because my girl friends don't necessarily relate (one is 100% on my side, one is a long term serial monogamist), but I feel trapped in my relationship, and im not sure im ready to be so tied down. My boyfriend moved to America for me (although he claims Im only a factor, he attends law school here too), and i know that he loves me more than I love him (I can just feel it, he's needier, talks about our future more, says I love you first). At times I feel like he's smothering me, and I think I just want to be single. Not to hoe around, but because its exhausting being a senior in college and worrying about maintaining my relationship with him (he just needs to much attention). I love him, he's one of my best friends, and the thought of him not being in my life hurts me, but at the same time, I'm not ready to just decide be with him for the rest of my life (he talks about our future life together ALL the time, and gets mad if i talk about my future and don't include him)-- I'm 22 and this is my first serious relationship. I feel selfish for feeling this way, because i dont want to hurt him, but i need to tell him this is how i feel somehow. I want to take a break, maybe we can date other people, because neither of us have really had the chance to date other people in college and make sure that being together is what we really want. I just dont want to break up, and then end up regretting it.


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  • Sometimes, we think the grass is greener on the other side, it's not always true.

    Have you always felt stifled by him being needy? He might love you more, but do you love him? Very rarely do both individuals love each other equally, usually one of them will love the other one more. As long as you love him, does it matter if he loves you more? Are you feeling this because you are under a lot of stress from being in a relationship and a senior? How would you feel if during the break he finds a sweet girl and they get together and get married to her?

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    • I feel like because he's mine, the thought of him being with someone else hurts me, but I also want him to be happy, and that if he wants to be married in the next couple years, im not willing to give him that and he should find someone else who can. I dont feel ready to be a WE when im not done being a ME. I feel like he is pressuring me to make things more serious than they are, he told me his mom was ready to help him pick out a ring (The thought of being engaged makes me want to run and I've told him that)-- he acts as if he can't live without me (im moving home to another state after i graduate to study for the MCAT and work on my CV) and he considered switching schools to be in the same state as me when i got into med school. Many people would find that sweet, but for some reason I find it annoying that he can't finish up his school and be without me for a year.

    • As long as you are okay with him possibly marrying someone else during this time. He seems like a nice guy and nice guys with good futures willing to commit are like gold. I do wonder how much you actually like him if you find his affection stifling. At least personally, I found certain exes too "clingy" but when those things were done by a boyfriend I liked much more, I didn't find them "clingy" or "needy".

  • Whoa. I'm in almost the exact same boat. Been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half, he hasn't moved here for me yet but it's in the plan. He's so sweet and caring and I adore him but it's my first relationship and I feel nervous about committing fully when I haven't experienced anything else. How do I know he's the best fit if he's the only shoe I've ever tried on? (Going with a shoe analogy) so I've been wondering if I should even just go on a date with someone else out of pure curiosity because I have no experience with relationships so I don't know if I trust myself to make such a big decision with so little information to base it off of.

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    • I completely relate to why you're nervous. Being 22, I feel like i haven't lived my life or done anything important yet, and Im not sure im ready to commit to one person for the rest of my days. I see some traits in him that make me nervous to commit forever, like he drinks a lot and is an occasional smoker (it didn't bother me when i was 19 but it does now), and despite him being a great and intelligent person, do I want to be married to that? I dont think that dating someone new is easily comparable to an old relationship however, because new relationships are exciting and exhilarating and you can't wait to text them and get to know them, while old relationships may be more "boring" or mundane (not in a bad way, more comfortable).

    • Yeah. I'm 21 so I still have a lot to learn as well. Fortunately my guy doesn't have any glaring problems, but drinking a lot would definitely be a problem for me if he did. Mine doesn't even drink at all so at least I don't have to worry about that. He is 2 years younger than me though so sometimes I worry that he's a bit immature and maybe he's not even in a place to be deciding this stuff so early but he's like SO sure about me that I want to believe him. And yeah, a different relationship would be intriguing at first but I'd miss being so comfortable like I am with this guy.

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