Should I consider getting divorced or give her more time?

I just got married few months ago. 15 months and god has blessed with me with a baby boy recently. I am a student and my wife too.. Since our marriage she has moved to my house (from another country) and we had a lot of arguments, fights at the start as every couple have. Things were getting better but of course since she has given birth to a baby. she was acting very weird and it was getting unbearable. A lot of time misbehaving with me disprecting my parents. I told her to go back to her house and spend some time with her family and make her mind up. We both agreed on this and she was ready to come to my house. She kept asking me a lof of times if she can come now but for some reason i though its better for me to give her more time its been 7 weeks now. Even my family isn't happy with my wife. When my family talked to her family about her behavior my wife got very upset. Eventhough i made few mistakes ofcourse arguments, comments about her family. Last week she messeged but i didn't reply because we both were angry. Now she has blocked me from everywhere and doesn't response to my calls, messeges. I tried to talk her, called her, told to calm down so we can solve issues but she isn't responding at all. eventhough she messed it up. i even said if she wants to get seperated i am okay with that but she didn't respond. she couldnt survive without talking to me for a day
I am assuming her family told her to cut off with me so for a reason. Her family is very much involved in her matter just as my family. MY mum is telling me to wait and have a patient and wait untill they react. but ofc i couldnt live without messeging her so i kept doing it over again and again.. I was very angry when i saw that she is friend with someone ( guy) she had a contact before marriage and i told her to remove him but she didn't..
please suggest me what to do that wife who was soo possessed with me and we had great life.. Is she with someone else or is it worthy to invest in our relationship


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Most Helpful Girl

  • you sound so immature and totally not ready for a relationship let alone a marriage. you cannot even have a conversation. blocking each other and ignoring calls, you sound about 15.

    the phrase about 'misbehaving' really grinds my gears too, you are ADULTS. YOU ARE EQUALS. SHE IS NOT YOUR CHILD AND EVEN IF SHE DOES SOMETHING YOU DISAGREE WITH, IT IS NOT "MISBEHAVING".

    why did you even get married in the first place? and even after that, why were you selfish enough to bring a child into a dysfunctional family?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You sound like an immature ass. She should divorce you.

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What Girls Said 11

  • well, you guys just got married, and just had a baby... she's going to be full of different emotions, different thoughts and be angry, it's hormones, and you and your parents can't hold that against her you pretty much kicked her out of the house. she went to reach out to you, and you ignored her, YOUR HER HUSBAND, mad at her or not, you always answer her. you pretty much showed her you don't care. so yea she is going to upset with you, just because she had a new online guy friend doesn't mean she's cheating on you, and if she is it's because you treated her like crap.
    If you love her, then wait it out.

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    • basically it was our own choice, she wanted to see her parents and take some time to think. She forfilled her promise and was happy to come back so was i. But suddenly we had a heated converstion where she commented a lof of things and disprected me in some ways. After one day she has just disappeared. I told her do remove that guy she didn't. i tried everything to contact her but she isn't responding. I can't belive if she is the same person who loved me that much. How can someone be so changed and act like this.

    • ok you made it sound like yoi kicked her out.
      she is stressed between a new marriage and a new baby, she honestly probably just want to get away. arguments go both ways, you probably said something that was disrespect to her as well. but why don't you physically go to her parents house to talk to her

  • And you're considering a divorce over pettiness!

    What the heck is wrong with you two? Marriage is NOT something to play with just for you to divorce. No. You need to stick it out with this, and both of you need to stop with the games. She is being extremely childish and this is the kind of person you've married. You have to learn to deal with this is an appropriate manner. And you need to learn to live with each other. And since this is supposed to be your first marriage, you can't afford to have this kind of kind of behavior at home. You're supposed to be the head of the household. It sounds like to me she just disobedient and her family lets her get away with it. My suggestion is, don't beg her to come back. You did nothing wrong. Handle your life as you always have. She will eventually have to come home. Pray, and ask God how to help you handle this situation. But this is definitely not good for your baby.

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  • well I think marriage is for life and you shouldn't give up unless you absolutely tried everything. but it seems that she does not respect you at all, she does things to hurt you and does not care, if she is with someone else now you should end it immediately. Don't let her treat you like this. The fact that your families get in the way makes it that much worse, marriage is between two people, neither your or her family shouldn't butt in your business, this is something you need to resolve just with you two.
    you got married too young and she was not ready to do the work that is necessary to make a relationship blossom, she does not act like a wife or girlfriend at all, more like a spoiled brat

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    • Basically she respects me a lot but when she is angry and i disrespect her she does the same. She tries to compete with me. And when it comes to family she does respect them too but not according to what i have always wanted. She is hurting me and she knows if i dont get what i am looking for i will definitley get mad. I am getting mad and try to contact her everyday.. She is just not the same person she used to but how can someone change that pretty quick. I told her she will get what she wants etc. but she is still not responding.. i am so confused

    • well if she cares about the relationship she will contact you and try to work it out. until then give her some space, and yourself too. it seems like you two need a short break to breathe

  • This sounds like either you weren't in the right place to marry OR her hormones aren't back to normal/she possibly has PPD.

    If all of this is completely out of character for her I'd say it's likely that she has PPD and could use support more than anything right now, but she has to go see a doctor.

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  • You and your wife need to divorce from your families and work on your marriage together. Go to counseling, go to church, pray about everything.

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    • True. I can't stand when people's 1st form of recourse is divorce when things so sour. They should work on them. Oh, I got slapped. Lets get a divorce. Oh, he/she doesn't raise the children right. Lets get divorce. la da la da.

      Seek counseling. Very few reasons to seek divorce immediately. People don't mean their wedding vows. It's basically just for show.

    • @Yes_No
      If I ever got slapped in a marriage, that would be a very good reason to file for divorce. I can't work through anything but getting cheated on and violence.

    • @Vesuvius87
      I hate violence and unfaithfulness too but I was basically saying people who jump straight to wanting divorce. Divorce is so easy now. They grant divorce for no reason at all now. It used to not be a such thing as no fault divorce.

      I think with counseling that people can make marriage work if they're willing.

  • Why did you get married to someone it seems like you didn't even know?

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  • If she had a baby it's probably a lot of hormones that she can't handle. I suggest go to a doctor or therapist

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  • You're young and have a lot of learning and growing up to do. (As do I) for the sake of the child come to an agreement and divorce. That relationship will not get better. Save yourself the trouble and allow yourself to live happy freely. You'll still get to be a dad and you need to seriously start documenting and screenshoting everything.

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  • im sorry but f her, she seems weird and shouldn't be talking to other guys.

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  • How exactly was she acting weird?

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  • love the pic by the way :) if she's with some random guy; chances are she'll do that to someone else again that's my opinion.

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  • I want to know the answer to this too. Great question!

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What Guys Said 17

  • You are in a really messed up situation. It should never have gotten this far, but it has. What's past is past and can't be undone.

    Going by what you've said, the future doesn't look good. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to work it out, because I think you should. It's going to take a lot of effort on both of your parts.

    You need to quit fighting and start talking. I think you both sound too immature to be married and have a kid. That's going to make it more difficult. It sounds like you are both thinking of yourselves too much as individuals, rather than thinking as a couple. In order to stop fighting and start talking, you need to stop acting like immature kids and start acting like an adult couple, and like parents.

    You also need to get both of your families out if it for now. They are not helping, they are hurting. In my opinion your marriage and your child have to take top priority for now. That means taking priority over your families until you give a chance for things to work out in your marriage.

    "we had a lot of arguments, fights at the start as every couple have."

    Every couple is going to have some arguments on occasion. But it sounds like it's far worse with you two. Don't make excuses for it by thinking it's normal, because it's not. A lot of fighting like that is a symptom of something else. Don't sweep it under the carpet by thinking it's normal.

    "I told her to go back to her house and spend some time with her family"

    Why the heck did you do that? Was it really so bad that you couldn't stand the sight of each other?

    You've never actually said what she's done. You said you were fighting. About what? You talk about her behavior. What behavior? You also seem to be putting all the blame on her. I'm sure you play a role in this too. You can talk to her about the things she does, but she has to change herself. You can't change her, but you can change yourself. That's something within your power. So you very seriously need to take a good hard look at your own role and decide if you are adult enough to change some things.

    You two sound too immature to be married and have a kid. But that's already done. The both of you need to grow up real fast and start acting like adults. You have to start with yourself, because there is nowhere else you can start. This is in your head. Never forget that you only have control over your own words and your own actions. Make up your mind.

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  • i think you should try and be patient and give her a little time to reach out to you. i also think that perhaps some sort of marriage counseling may help... but 15 months is a relatively short time and especially if you didn't live together prior to marriage learning to co-habitate can be tough, so for those reasons (and of course your child) I think you should give it some more time...

    however, if things don't change for the better... say at closer to two years then maybe you proceed towards to divorce... or if things get worse sooner than 2 years maybe really consider divorce

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  • "disprecting my parents."... that is NOT okay. Anyways, I don't feel like you are in a healthy relationship. Despite you being blessed with a beautiful child, it is best for your child to grow in a healthy environment. Him growing up watching his parents argue constantly is not good for him, or you, or anyone. Getting married at a young age takes a toll on you, and more often than not it's not the best of choices. In my opinion, it's best to separate now but end it in good terms, because the more time you spend with her the more you will develop resent/hate (and so will she) in regards to the relationship. Her disrespecting you and your family is not okay, and as a man and father you need to be respected, the last thing you need is someone who is suppoused to support you-is tearing you down.

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  • first thing you have to do is to stop letting tour families poisoning your marriage. you three are a family now only you should talk and solve your problems. you both acted immature and very selfish. put your family above your ego man..

    moving from another country, marriage, pregnancy, hormones going crazy, studying, an infant.. man that's a lot for her to handle without having your support.
    i suggest you calm down, stop thinking how to brake things up and go find your wife in person. show her your love and support. say you are sorry about your behaviour (i don't care if you are right or wrong, family>ego), try work things right.

    if that doesn't work, seek some professional help (marriage counseling). it's not a taboo to do it. If you love your wife and child you should do that.

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  • And this is what happens if 2 people marry without understanding marriage and not knowing what they are getting themselves into.

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  • Quit being a p*ssy and man up. You are going to get completely destroyed if you end up divorcing. You'll lose your money, your baby, everything. It seems that you are being very selfish. Have you ever considered that maybe she is treating your family that way because they are overbearing a**hats?

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    • heyy of course i dont want things to get that far. I had an amazing life with her and new born baby, I have been trying to do this since 5 days she hasn't responded yet. Eventhugh she messed everything up but i still contacted her first, put all of my ego one side but she didn't respond i even tried to be nice with her but same response.
      is there any other solution? and i am getting very uncomfortable the fact that she is friend with a guy i didn't want.. maybe this is the only reason why i tried to contact her

    • Show All
    • If she is friends with a guy you are uncomfortable with then she is not respecting your feelings. It works both ways. I would not deliberately carry on a friendship with someone my wife was uncomfortable with. It's not about control, it's about respecting one another.

    • Female hormones after pregnancy maybe that's the problem

  • No, every couple does not fight. This is a power struggle, it's not healthy.

    Sounds like she's fucking someone else now.

    You really needed a professional marriage counselor from the get-go. That may still be an option. Keep communication open, don't shut it down unless you're ready to move on.

    Oh, and you'll be paying for this kid now 'till eighteen as well. What a disaster.

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  • It's VERY obvious that you two were WAY TOO young to get married. A LOT of immaturity in this situation. You should give her more time, but also go to a marriage counselor/pastor together and work this out. You two have a kid together, do you not? Work this shit out instead of giving up and quitting.

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  • First check how fucked you are according to the laws in your Country/State and consult a lawyer what's the best course of action in this circumstance. I'm not even joking.

    Getting married is easy, but getting divorced... a lose, lose situation buddy. This is why I don't recommend any guy to get married.

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  • seeing how you just got married and have a brand new baby I would try some type of counseling to see if you guys could figure stuff out you're both so very young still

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  • dude PM me ASAP

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  • If she won't talk to you then sounds like she is trying to make her family happy an move on with out you

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  • What? LOL! seeing how you just got married and have a brand new baby I would try some type of counseling to see if you guys could figure stuff out you're both so very young still

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  • You should try wife swapping.

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  • you embarked in this hell. NOW ASSUME!

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  • Cheaper to pay child support now, than to get involved with a crazy and lose half your work effort after ten years. Ask for paternity test now - that will rock her. Might not be yours.

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  • and her should seek counseling.

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  • I'm not going to berate you with what has already been said about getting married and having a kid.

    What I will say is: I don't think this marriage will last, anyway. And just as you and the mom are going to have your issues, your kid is going to have his own suffering to go through, and he has no control over it and was thrown into the fray without any say-so.

    Try a marriage / relationship counselor first. If that doesn't go anywhere, call an attorney and start looking at divorce.

    And always keep in mind: your son comes first in absolutely everything, even before you. Good luck.

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