What to do when the relationship is no longer love but destructive?

So I been with this guy for 8 months total he suffers of depression and I had serious issues but I am fine for now due to my effort to try to get better ! When the relationship started everything was okay and great but now is clearly destructive. I eventually got pregnant and I do have my way of taking care of my child and bought my own house , sometimes he is sweet & kind and other times I just can't with the bullcrap. I decided to stay with him because I truly did love him but somehow he is stupid asf ! He came to our home yesterday and told me sex is getting old , he did not help with dishes as I was washing them all , and tried to make a bunch of food he never spend a single penny to help to buy ! He tottaly kept on telling me how other woman likes the vibration of car and at this point is clear to me is not a relationship it's just lust... I got another guy and he loves me and doesn't treat me like trash , and deep down I want to tell the depressive person to go away but I am a really nice human being so I feel bad and sorry for his issues because a mental problem is not something he can change without support ! What can I do? What to do when the relationship is no longer love but destructive ?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • When it no longer is in love in the relationship and just destruction, madness, depression, etc. Leave that relationship or FIX IT!

    If both partners love one another, then they will do everything to fix their relationship.

    1. Ask your partner or the person you love or is with. Ask if they still love you. Ask if they still want this relationship. Ask them if they are willing to fix the relationship with you.

    2. Ask them how they feel about everything that is going on. Talk about your feelings too. Listen to them and understand why.

    3. If it is not working, then let that relationship go and do something else than to think about the past. Sorry.

    4. Love yourself more, respect yourself, and respect that person. Respect them no matter what had happened or just learn to forgive them and never talk or have any contact with them.

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What Guys Said 25

  • It's a bit disturbing you even feeling the need to ask this question. Toxic relationships are just that toxic and should be handled as such. Sounds like some damage has been done to both of you already. Stay single and find yourself before another relationship.

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  • I think you deserve better I'll tell you i dated a girl whose
    mental problems was worst than mine and she put me
    through 3 months of hell so my recommendation that
    unless a person whose mentally ill wants to get help
    they can make your life living hell so all i can tell you
    is best wishes i hope things get better for you.

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  • I hope you're smart enough to have gotten court ordered child support and visitation scheduled

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    • Hahhaha , hell yeah I am ! By the way love the pic <3 it looks cute !

    • Thanks he's my 6.5 foot male bull snake. I got him as a hatchling 5 years ago. He was only 18 inches

    • Nice :)

  • Is he even trying to change though? Has he seen a doctor? Is he having counselling or has he tried any medication? Is he doing anything at all to improve his depression? If he is doing nothing then nothing will change. In that scenario you end up being his emotional sponge. That is not healthy for either of you.

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    • Yes , and is exactly what I see ! He is mad at anyone and takes off on me is clearly ridiculous. He refuses to take his meds because he thinks is going to make him not eat which I seem it happen.

  • talk , this state is basically a state where neither you can approach not turn back , so the only answer would be to think logical rather than rational , coz your decision won't just affect you but it shall also affect many other lives connected to you, sit calm n in a peaceful. quite ambience and think of all the reasons and pros and cons and think of the beat solutions, talk make a choice and learn to accept it. and there's nothing to feel guilty or taken aback about it , to be honest you have a right and you should choose your happiness cause that will make all the things better in the end and as for the guy the best thing is to sit and talk make a solution out of this depression take a break find something to do which will give him solace from this harsh real world and he will be absolutely fine

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  • always end one before you begin another

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  • Love is a beautiful feeling that should heal both of the partner negativity and brings peace.. If you find that its taking another turn.. I think you can be with him as a friend to support him but you should not be committed to him

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  • Give the destructive guy another 7 months.

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  • I am similiar to you but from the other gender. My ex was a schizophernic and when it was good she was fine, but when it got bad it was terrible. Eventually i had to decide that enough was enough. I told her to go ot therapy and get help and we will try again then, or to leave and never come back. She chose the later and then came back. Eventually i reported her to the police and got a restraining order. Charity begins at home help yourself before you help others. And remeber you cannot help someone that doesn't want it. Also a common sign of mentla abuse is comparing you to other people of your gender and how your not as good. Id reccomend to run fast.

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    • Wow , You said everything I applause.

  • Just break up

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  • To be honest you should have observed the way you act towards him. Mentally over come him and he would totallty notice. Delete all complaints and totally ober power his sucker shit with beauty and peaceful honesty, then he would have noticed you were worth more than sex, but to switch to another only proves you were what he was expcting of you caliber. Smh 😂😂 now your with that other guy. 😂😂

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  • Have some nasty hot sex with each other one last time and then bail out and never look back...

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  • If you had to ask lol smh. You leave

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  • You have to gently dump the guy. You can carry the world on your own shoulders

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  • Leave?

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  • get out

    run
    run

    if it's that bad get out and find someone else

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  • just tell him straight out it's over. you don't need that shit

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  • Talk it out or get rid of him before he gets rid of you

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  • I leave immediately and cut off all contact forever.

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  • your probably not a "really nice" person since you are cheating. you both sound really trashy tbh

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    • um that's not really something you should say to someone. and your lack of empathy is what makes you sound trashy.

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    • i agree^ . i feel like you shouldn't complain about a relationship, then casually mention you have another guy on the side, then say you do that because you are too nice.

      you are being nice to yourself girl.

      i just couldnt think of a better word to use than trashy sorry if i came off rude

    • @gary I think we are all cleared up :) and to be honest, trashy was the perfect word.

      If it had been me I would have used far more and far worse words.

  • Take ur stuff and leave

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  • Get out.

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  • You deserve better and you know it, do what you know you have to

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  • Leave.

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  • Break up

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What Girls Said 12

  • Depression can be hard for someone, and especially harder for the other person who is around it. Honestly, Id reccommend perhaps relationship counselling if you want it to work out. He really needs to sort himself out, depression can lead to a loss of interest in hobbies and relationships.

    You should encourage him to seek a therapist because you are concerned about him and tell him you will go too if he wants. But if he isn't willing to help himself, best bet is to help yourself. He doesn't treat you right, he takes you for granted, if he doesn't want to change for you, leave the relationship

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    • Wish I could like this more. Suffered through this myself, and in turn my wife left me instead of encouraging me to get help or trying to work with me through it. If you remotely care about him, try to encourage him to get help.

  • You leave.

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  • Leave it. What else is there to do? You could try to repair it, but chances are it won't do anything for a long period of time. You just stop being in-love, and when that happens, you move on. :/

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  • it is probably the depression making him act that way toward you. He needs to get professional help to work through it & it may be also a good idea for you to talk to his therapist to so they don't get a onesided view on him. My boyfriend of 12 years was fighting depression. He began acting weird pushing me away, but then wanting me back. He then stopped pushing me away & became quiet & withdrawn. One day he was really happy & the next day, i come home work to find he had shot himself.

    I am not saying your ex is suicidal, but i am giving you my experience. If you notice these signs get help asap. It really sounds to me he is not over you yet, dont take things for granted.

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  • Yeah do what everyone else says and leave. I was in a relationship like that and after I stayed all that happened is my heart was broken over and over again.

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  • end the bad relationship, he's not your responsibility. do what's best for your future and your child

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  • I think you should just end the relationship with him, you need to do whats best for you and your child.

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  • How can you not tell him to "go away" when you "got another guy", what's the plan?

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    • Well I didn't told him to go away because the relationship between me and this guy is only a friendship we got boundries and we never kiss or do sex but clearly the depressive guy is not being honest...

  • Leave him

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  • Don't become co dependent. His problem is not your problem.

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  • If you're not happy and you realize it's destructive, it's better for you to leave the relationship

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  • You know, you just lovingly let the guy go, let him know why, and be sure you have applied for child support before you lose contact with him.

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