Normal behavior, to feel lost and afraid after a breakup?

So it's been a week in a half since my boyfriend broke up with me and I just feel lost and scared to move on. Every time I try to move on, it feels like I'm cheating even though my ex wants nothing to do with me and I'm not even dating any guys I'm just making friends​. Every time a guy is interested in me, I will make a excuse because I will think they will leave me just like my ex did. Finally felt a little happy with someone and it feels like I ruined it. My parents wants me to move on but I'm​ having a hard time.

Updates:
This was his reason for breaking up with me:
Honestly it started that day you came over to my house, and we were gonna walk to the gas station that Was three blocks away from my house and you got scared. Like it was literally three blocks away and that got me to thinking​ if that little walk scared you there is no telling what other little things will scare you.
You are 25 years old and freaked out over a walk, and you don't go to bars and clubs and I do. I couldn't go and have a good time if I knew you were at home waiting for me. I want a girl that will be there with me and if and when someone wants to start shit I wanna see her knock the fucker out. I simply just realized​, You didn't want any of the things I do.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • And he waited for 8 months to tell you this. I don't believe that this could be the reason. Then why did he offer you the engagement ring? And you too offered him one. I think , he found a new girlfriend who is taller than you and having slightly smaller and firmer boobs than you , and probably a better looking face. That can be the only reason for him to leave you when everything was going well between the two of you. Plus you are a virgin. May be he secretly wanted some deep sex too , which you were hesitant to provide before marriage.

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    • It seems very apt to say I've met some pricks in my time but you SIR are a FUCKING CACTUS

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    • 6d

      You did the right thing by letting him go. Thanks for the MHO.

    • 5d

      Thank you and you're welcome.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey there, first off this is very early to look at yourself this way. You are still in a sort of grieving process and you yourself and others around you shouldn't be just saying get over it. You need time to heal and find yourself again way before even going down a route with another. Drawing this line will help you and protect you so you can heal and grow from this experience. Being left by another will always wound but with time it will get more bearable not much different in the process of grief and suffering loss. You are ready to make friends and perhaps you should set your mind that this is your current place and thats it for the time being. Try to have some fun and live a little forgetting about any new relationship you need this time to heal and by forming this thought pattern it will help free you from the concerns you think you are having because surely you realise you are not ready for anyone else? Also try to be easier on yourself that by having new friendships with other men you are not intending anything from the outset so hopefully this would help stop your hurt making you feel confused and that you are cheating... you are allowed new connections but just be careful with yourself, its all you have right now.. best wishes to you xx

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    • Thank you so much, your opinion was very helpful and I will always remember this. As for friends the guy I mentioned he was really interested in me and he doesn't know what happened with my breakup or knew about it being so recent. For some reason, I felt really happy talking to him and it felt like I ruined it somehow.

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What Guys Said 6

  • well I'm 5 months in, after my ex broke up with me and you describe what I feel to a key. Everyone thinks I'm weird, telling me to move on. However my heart can't. People can say get over her, go hit on new girls and mess around. That's not me though, but it's what everyone tells me to do. i have to make a choice, do i become like that or stay true to myself. I tried to think more like that, but once I did and started talking to this one girl it didn't go well for me afterward. All the guilt, the fear but people say get over it. It's just who I am, can't force anything. What I'm trying to say is use this time to look deep within yourself and reflect, and try to make yourself a little better everyday.

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    • Yes exactly and thank you so much, and another reason it's like if he broke up with me because I wasn't into bars, clubs, fighting, or taking a risk. I'm afraid that every other guy around my age will think I'm to boring and scary.

    • well you are not alone, my girlfriend broke up with me because we were LDR and she didn't want to be on Skype all day with nothing to talk about. It wasn't always like that, but after 3 years only Skype to hang out on it was difficult. She gave up on me calling me a boring, dead end. Now it kind of feels that even if I do like a girl and want to try going out, it is going to be a constant reminder telling me it is just going to happen again. Maybe not exactly for the same reasons, but you know. It isn't easy at all, but you are definitely not alone. People words can sound reasonable, but the way we feel is beyond logic sometimes. Once we get on this rollercoaster of emotions just remember hands and feet inside at all times, don't get off until the ride comes to a complete stop. Just hang in there, and focus on yourself. Thinking about others is going to make you feel worse, or better really depends on the person. One thing is for sure, you will be ready when your mind and heart are at peace.

    • I'm sorry that you are having a hard time, and thank you and I understand what you are saying, and when I do meet new friends that are guys maybe I should tell them so they can understand, I don't want to give any guy hopes up while I'm still messed up from my recent breakup. Thank you for your advise. This was very helpful.

  • It's quite normal... when one of the most important people in your life walks away, being afraid of what the future will bring is pretty normal.
    Try to give it some time and to get your life back on the rails. But it will take time :o

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  • it's better you just don't make my boy friend... you just move on because somewhere you will definitely get who really cares, love, understand and believe you. I know the feeling of girl who really wants to have a boyfriend and want to live her whole life with him this is really not worth. you don't have get scared and move on. whole life is there why u think about past. think that what you learnt from past.

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    • I just tried after my parents was telling me ( in a concern way ) that I shouldn't be depressed over a guy that wants a wild girl instead of good girl that wants to do something with their life. So I tried moving on which didn't work, so for now on, I will just make friends while things heal properly. And I understand what you are saying but I'm having a hard time learning from it because it was so confusing. So I keep looking back and it's hurting me.

  • why were you scared?

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    • My parents knew the area he lived in was bad, people getting robbed everyday even in the daytime, so they told me don't leave his house for no reason. So my boyfriend wanted some money for food and I couldn't help because all of my money was on my debit bank card. So when I said I'll go and take 20 out, we left the house and started walking, I freaked out because I didn't know what time my parents will be coming to pick me and I also had $300 on my credit card and $150 on my debit and my purse my mom gave me was expensive. So I got scared and luckily I found $20 in my pocket and we went back to the house and I gave it to him.

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    • No it wasn't and he knows how my parents are and they even told him.

    • you should not worry.. you will find another..

  • Sounds like sum twisted crap

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    • The breakup was confusing, at first he made it seem like it was because of money reason, ( him not having a car, job, no place on his own, my dad helping out with a part time delivery job, and sometimes I gave him money for food for his family ) and then all of a sudden it was because I wasn't wild or whatever and now it's like if this was the reason, it will be hard for me to fins someone because even my friends likes going to bars and clubs.

    • Well go to places like events that are public an free to meet guys

  • It's the only normal behavior

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    • Thank you, this is new to me. I mean I never cared when a guy broke up with me or stopped talking to me because they didn't blike something about me but for some reason, I just feel hurt over this breakup.

    • If you were giving it all you can then sure this relationship ending will hurt you emotionally and psychologically so let it run its course and keep trying to have fun but also cry and talk a LOT about how you feel and stay around people who understand and appreciate your current situation

    • Thank you so much, I was actually having some fun, until I met this guy and for some reason I had this feeling when we talk, I should of told him about my recent break up, instead of the bombshell of a mental breakdown which probably scared him away. If he talks to me, I will explain to him so then we can be happy and talk again. Even if it doesn't work, we were becoming great friends until he said he was interested in me.

What Girls Said 2

  • yes, those feelings are normal... especially if you've been with that person for more than a year.

    when we're young, we put so much of ourselves into our relationships that we lose ourselves in the process. and, when those relationships end (be they romantic or platonic), we're left feeling like a part of us is missing. your identity has been permanently altered, and there's this feeling that "i don't know who i am anymore". but it will get, as these things do, better with time.

    the guy who broke up with you sounds like an ass, and i'd say you dodged an entire magazine of bullets. regardless of why you were scared, he should have reassured you or tried to allay your fears: that's what you do when you love someone.

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    • Thank you so much, I will let things process on it's own for me to be able to move on properly, and that's what my parents thought, and why they told me to move on because in a way they thought I shouldn't be depressed over someone that wants to act wild and be with wild girls rather someone like me that wants to do something with my life and settle down.

  • it is normal to feel so

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