(MALES & FEMALES) I know, I can't have two people in my life. Should I stay or leave him for her?

My fiancé cheated on me last year with two other girls that looks similar to me. I found out when I asked him for permission to get on his social media accounts after I had been noticing him being busy over his phone while him and I are hanging out, on dates, hiking, walking, shopping, playing videogames, etc. My ex girlfriend was the one that convinced me to ask him because ever since I had a feeling about it. My ex girlfriend and I are good friends. She still have feelings for me since she was in 9th grade while I was a 10th grader. I'm in my second semester of college now and she's off to graduate high school.

My ex girlfriend had never hurt me physically and emotionally. But I hurt her feelings. I know, I sounded like a jerk for usually talking about my ex boyfriend with her. She felt not good enough because she asked me who were my female crushes in our high school. She told me she didn't feel pretty enough or have a better body than the other girls. I told her, "I'm with you because I love you. I would not cheat on you especially I love you so much the way you are. You don't have to change anything about you." I broke up with her because my mom could not accept me dating her. I was weak and I could not believe I did not fight for her. But I also did it because I was still not over my ex and I wish I had never fell for her while I still had a few feelings for my ex who done me wrong. Because my ex boyfriend impacted my life so much.

  • Stay with him
    Vote A
  • Leave for her
    Vote B
  • Comment your opinions
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
A few weeks before I found out my fiancé cheated on me. We were expecting a baby but I had a miscarriage over depression and fatigue. I was depressed about my fiancé leaving me for three months for his college. I trusted him and I believed him that he would not hurt me like my two other ex bfs did. But he did. He hid secrets from me and told people lies about me that ruined my name and views to those people. Like, what type of fiancé would do such thing?
I gave him so many chances this beginning of 2017. Because I want to believe he will change which he did. But sometimes he do stuffs that will get me mad, upset, or sad. This month he did something again. I told him that I was gonna leave him and never give him another chance. But then I changed and said that one more chance and that's it. If he fails again, then I am totally through with him. But I did told him that I rather be with my ex girlfriend than him because she would never do the things he done

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i'd say move on.
    i voted go for the girl, but then i read that you can't kiss her or be intimate. have you any clue how much that would hurt her?
    sorry, but you are being selfish, just like your fiance.
    if you can't kiss and touch your ex girlfriend, then dont be with her.

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    • It's because I am not sexually or physically attracted to females. I would hold hands, hug, and kiss on the cheek. But not kiss her lips or makeout with her. I don't know why but I always get nervous to do so.

    • And i understand that. Its because you are straight.
      But if your friend desires you that way, and can't have you, usnt that torture?
      Thats mean, dont do that. Its better for you ti be with someone else

Most Helpful Girl

  • Neither. You said you dont like kissing girls , and that you like a girl for minutes to weeks. This is the exact issue that hurt your ex girlfriend. You didn't like or love her enough to stay or take her side against your moms opinions. Dont get with her and then only stay for a coupe of weeks and decide you'd rather be with a guy. At the same time , you're not happy with your boyfriend , he cheated on you and you're seriously considering leaving , it seems like you want your ex girlfriend as a back up plan or you don't want to be single so you want to go back to her. This isn't fair to her , I'd say leave the guy, stay single but still be close friends with your ex girlfriend , and if one day in the future your feelings are the same for her , then try things out.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Are you straight, lesbian, or bisexual? Just curious on that part.

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  • Just admit you're a lez.

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    • Nah, I don't kiss a girl tho. It feels awkward for me to do it. I just be with the girl and not do sexual stuffs or not even kiss. Just hug, hangout, date, go for walks, etc. I forgot the type of thing it's called. I am female who likes a girl just for a minutes to weeks. It's not like saying I am not serious with girls but I like a certain girl for a certain time. I like dating males than females. I get into a longer relationship with males but not females. But I have this thought that I should just leave him because he is not doing most good stuffs now.

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    • Yikes @TragedyAndHope98
      Somebody got fucked over by a bi girl before. Lmao.

    • @DevikaButts95 honestly? Every time.

  • Leave them both. You deserve better than someone who cheats especially with girls who look similar to you. That's selfish and uncaring. Also you can't be intimate with a girl so you'd hurt your female friend even more. Why would you consider being with someone if you can't hold their hand, cuddle with them, kiss them, etc. if you go for your female friend you'll just end up hurting her.

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What Girls Said 12

  • You need to sort out your life. What do you want? What do you want from a relationship? Are you ready to be in one? I would say focus on school only. The guy relationship is over. Only give people 2 chances sometimes one is enough. That guy sounds like a douche and won't change. You gave him too many chances. I gave my current SO a second chance (he cheated.) I'm currently not happy and continue not to trust him.
    If you can't be in a real relationship with the girl leave her alone too. Who cares if others don't accept her. If you love her be with her and show her you love her.

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  • if this girl is still willing to accept you after all of the hurt you have done to her, MARRY THE GIRL!

    seriously. this ex boyfriend does not sound like a loyal and faithful guy. definitely not husband material.

    meanwhile this girl, if you have feelings for her still, would clearly be a safer and better choice.

    Try going out with the girl again, and see if the spark's still there, and if she's willing to forgive you.

    Also talk to your mother. let her know that she cannot control your relationships and who you're attracted to. it is your life and your decisions that need to be made, not hers. It may take a while to convince her, but if you and the girl are really meant to be, you can overcome any of the obstacles that go in your way.

    relationships aren't supposed to be all smooth sailing. As long as it isn't an issue with the relationship between you guys but another obstacle trying to impact your bond, then it is solvable.

    don't miss out on a great girl. wish you all the best

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  • Leave him, stay friends with her, and take time for yourself. I don't think you're ready to just get into another relationship right now, you need to self heal

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  • You should stop giving chances to him. He seems to have a negative effect on your life. However, you should give yourself time to rest and relax from your love life. It's better to let yourself heal from an ordeal like that.

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  • You won't be happy with either in the long run, say goodbye to both of them and focus on yourself and figuring out what you need and want to be happy!

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  • Why did you even remotely bother staying with someone after they cheated on you once? But like twice?
    Just go with the girl, at least she likes you a lot.

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  • leave him and don't stay with her

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    • LOL YOU MADE MY DAY!! 😂😂 I was eating my breakfast and you made me spit out my food!

    • AHAHAHAH I think it's better. It's not fair you come back to her if you have treaten her badly. And he cheated on you..
      Find someone else and don't make the same mistakes

    • True and thanks! :)

  • it's sad when you give him so many chances but he still fucks things up 😡 gosh. i suggest you to move on. you deserve better

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  • I think you should leave him - once a cheater, always a cheater, but you definitely shouldn't get back together with your ex girlfriend. Remember that you don't have to be in a relationship all the time. Being single can be nice too!

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  • I honestly believe that you should hold a serious talk with your fiance. If he's already cheated twice on you... well, you should sort it out.
    Additionally, I don't think that you NEED to have a gf/bf at this point of your life!! Live some, girl!! Get out there and look around. However, if you TRULY like your ex then get together with her. Emphasis on TRULY. You sound like a strong, confident woman who can survive without a relationship. It's on you :) good luck

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    • One a cheat always a cheat. She should not sort it because your setting up heart break

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    • I am very forgiving and him and I always talk about it but he does stuffs that will affect me negatively. Just today I talked to him that I can't stand him no more. But it hurts me because I love him so much and truly. He does his best and I can see. It's just been 7 girls trying to get him and get me mad since February. I didn't trust him so I thought he could be hiding something from me. But it does seem like he is telling the truth. He also has Aspergers. I can tell when someone is lying or not.

    • If you lets your forgiveness get in the way if will grab on that like a rope and use that to tie you in. Stop forgiving so easy, sometimes it's better to be cold then warm.

  • Yes you should

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  • You should leave him and then figure out what your next best move is. He's clearly not worth your time, but you have to get out by getting out - not by jumping from partner to partner.

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