I'm tired of my 'on again, off again' relationship. How can I leave my boyfriend for good?

I suffer from a mental disability that unfortunately means I have attachment issues. I'm on medication and in therapy and I decided that this relationship is not healthy. The arguing, fighting, disagreements, and disrespect isn't helping my mental health. But I can't seem to stay away. I always end up going back because I know he'll take me back because he literally always does.

I don't like him. I don't want to be with him. But for some reason, the loneliness is even more unbearable to the point where I don't move for days or weeks, which makes no sense considering how little we see each other, like once a week if that.

I'm thinking about going back to school to get my Master's degree and that will keep me busy. But I don't have too many friends so I know if I leave him, I'll truly be alone all the time. So what else can I do to keep myself busy and occupied so I can fill that boyfriend hole that'll soon be in my life? We've been together a few years and I'm really over it at this point.


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What Guys Said 12

  • You are taking him back as he is your safety net but this is the time to take charge Definitely go back to college and do your Masters Are there any social evenings where college people go Join them make new friends Put no pressure on yourself Don't look for anything Just hang

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  • dont go back. duh. Life isn't a "Ross and Rachel" on Friends thing..

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    • 5d

      Never watched that show so I don't get the reference

  • " But for some reason, the loneliness is even more unbearable to the point where I don't move for days or weeks, which makes no sense considering how little we see each other, like once a week if that."

    The idea of being alone is always worse than actually being alone. It turns out that you're terrified of being alone, in concept, not really in practice; this in turn means that your solution is simply finding a small group.

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  • get a hobby. something that is high in human interaction, like dungeons and dragons. get the meet up app and go to one of those things.

    also talk to your therapist. they may be able to adjust your meds for the break up or at least be a helpful ear.

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  • No easy way, just do it.
    Sure it will be lonely and painful, but u say u dont like him. Besides if u truly dont like hin then u are also hurting him, wasting his time when he could be finding who does

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  • If you can't be happy on your own you'll never be happy with anybody else

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  • Find a nice introverted guy like me that will appreciate you?

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  • Just tell him that you were trolling around him, rest of the thing he'll do by his own. ;-)

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  • I have abandonment issues, wanna try dating me?

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  • I have that same problem

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  • You shouldn't be in a relationship. That's very selfish.

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  • So he's purely to kill time? What do you get from it?

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    • 5d

      Nothing. That's why I want to leave. I don't get anything. I give him what he wants all the time but I ask for a date and all hell breaks loose.

    • Show All
    • 5d

      Sex lol

    • 5d

      And he denies you quality time with hiim? Is that what you mean by wanting a date?

What Girls Said 10

  • Well, the only thing I can say is that only you can make this decision. I believe that you have far more problems than just your boyfriend. Something that stemmed from your childhood all the way to adulthood, and you attracted a narcissist who took advantage of your problem. I believe that you're relying far too much on external things, instead of learning to truly love yourself. That's the problem. Do you not have family that can take you in and work with you? Because that is what you need most right now. You should just go get your Master's and dump him today if it's possible. I don't know what mental disability it is that requires you to have medication and therapy, but you need to seriously drop this guy, and heal from whatever is holding you back from living life the way you need to live.

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  • I think you should
    1. Leave him because it will make your mental health more worst too.
    2. I'll be your friend on here! I kinda have the same issue. I get attached to friends even though they had betrayed me before because I am loyal and I love them so much. I am a very forgiving person.
    3. You can join clubs to take your mind off of him.
    4. Read books
    5. Study
    6. Play sports. (For example: go for a swim, learn how to do new sports, surf, soccer, basketball, volleyball, etc.)
    7. Focus on school, family, and your health

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  • Sometimes you need to be alone to see what you really want in life. You get to fall in love with yourself. Know what you won't tolerate. You shouldn't stay with someone if you're unhappy. You're going to resent them. Would you rather be happy and finding yourself or miserable? It's your life you have to decide if you're going to be selfish and love yourself. You don't need a boyfriend to have a sense of fulfillment in life. Guys are just seasons, some people are either a lesson or a blessing in your life.

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  • You should get your Master's Degree. The thing about these toxic people is that they will cause your mental health to be so compromised that eventually you won't be able to function at all. So that's worse than being alone, but get your borderline issues addressed in therapy, while you pursue education so you learn to heal your mind and emotions of these issues. Don't feel badly about being on the medications if they help you to function and to lead a fullfilling life. ♡

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  • I was like that for years with my ex. I kept going back to him after maybe he broke it off or I did. For years I couldn't work out why, I thought I was madly in love with him, maybe I truly was.

    But maybe I was just lonely, bored, scared, had no self confidence.

    So then I changed, woke up, fixed things. And I never went back, and I couldn't be happier. And I'd never go back.

    It took me years as I said.

    How you say. I kept myself busy. I met other people. In doing so I got my confidence back, I saw things in myself I didn't think I had, I was told I didn't have. I was no longer lonely, scared, bored and alone. And I didn't need or want him.

    He was so bad for me. He was a awful mean toxic guy. And I found out I could do better. And so can you. You just have to get out there and show yourself and you'll be free.

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  • He's obviously not a healthy individual either.
    unless you're happy and independent being by yourself, you'll never be happy with any guy - you'd be lucky if you don't end up with someone like him or with other such flaws (not implying anyone to be perfect) Birds of a wing flock together.

    you have to really want to break up with him and leave him for good. You only keep going back to him because you think its OK in w/e level of consciousness. loneliness, his availability, and boredom are all excuses.

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  • tell him you are pregnant with someone's else baby

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  • I deal with the exact same thing and was in a relationship for 11 months like that. I don't wanna say you'll end up like me but I'd like to believe that one day you will have enough and you will walk away. It took me 6 months. But if you have enough love and respect for yourself you'll do it :)

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  • Stop being weak. Make a decision, and stick to it. That hole is not for a boyfriend, it's for your life purpose which you need to go out and find. It will not happen quick or easy. It will take time and effort. In the meantime, these men are distracting you, which is why you're not completely happt with them. You feel something else is still calling you. Time for some serious soul searching. What do you want from life? What makes you happy? Where do you want to go? Once you've answered that, you're next question is how do you get there? Good luck.

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  • I once read this article about karmic relationships, which are relationships that aren't meant to last but that are very tempting anyway and are there to teach you a lesson. You have to fight them, because they will never work, and only when you learn the lesson will they stop being tempting. I was in a similar situation as you where I just couldn't maintain the break with my guy because of the loneliness and guilt. So much guilt. I was always just like "I can't hurt him." And I couldn't move on. But then I read that article and I finally put my foot down and realized, my mental sanity is worth more than this guy! I am not on this planet to be eternally tormented and tortured by this person. So day by day, I did not talk to him. No matter how much there was a pull. I saw him like a toxin or a bacteria. Then, like perfect timing, another much better guy entered my life and I no longer feel any pull or tug to that ex. I want you to reach this point and I believe in you.

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