Shared "custody" of a pet after you break up?

My ex and I adopted a dog when we were together, and when we split I was the one to keep her (it made sense, since I did 99% of her training, care, and vet appointments). It's been almost a year since the breakup and my ex just asked me if I'd be okay with letting my dog stay with him for a week, from time to time. Keep in mind that we live about 2 hours away from each other.

On the one hand, I feel for him... he misses her and I feel kinda bad that he doesn't get to see her anymore. But on the other hand, she's my baby and I don't want to send her to live with someone else - particularly him, who I don't trust to take care of her (like I said, I did almost all of her care when we were together). Plus, she doesn't handle change very well; when we moved out, she started having accidents in the house.

I don't want to be one of those women who keeps her "kids" away from their "dad" after they split lol. But this isn't a kid; this is a dog. I'm confused why this would even be a thing. Why can't we just leave it how it is? Why complicate an already complicated breakup?

Anyone have experience with this? Am I being selfish or is he overstepping his boundaries?


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What Guys Said 3

  • Dogs misss the people they have lived with. Most likely the dog would LOVE to see him. Even if he isn't so good as you in taking care of her, the dog will likely misbehave because he's sudddenly taken away for good.

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    • We split up a year ago and she's fine. She didn't show any signs of pining after we left, and she's currently very well adjusted.

  • does he not understand what you're saying about what goes on with her I'm very attached to my baby's also I'm not going to send them somewhere to stay for a week Call It Whatever you may

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  • Me and my ex share a goldfish.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Do you think he will do so poorly at looking after her that she is going to be in bad shape after just a week? My guess is probably not and you are just making an excuse to say no to this (I would probably do the same thing). So assuming that was just an excuse I would tell him that he has to do all the driving.

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  • Truthfully, this whole thing made me laugh. It's one thing if he was super involved in the dogs care, and was right there with you every step of the way with your dog when you dated, but you said, it's been a year. No dog owner I know who loves their pets would let a year elapse before asking for such "shared custody." They would fight tooth and nail to be able to spend some time with a beloved pet or have total custody. Add to that 2 hours? What? You just have two hours to drive back and fourth in your week, let alone trust an ex who barely did anything with the dog to bring him back on time or as you yourself say, take care of him properly. You owe your ex nothing, and neither does your dog. He is welcome to get a dog of his own and do all that you did with this one, if he really needs pet companionship. I say, move on with the way things were, and deny this request!

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