Being the 2nd choice?

How do you feel about being with someone if you are their second choice?

For example: They knew you liked them but they started dating someone else. Now they want to be with you as things didn't go so well with the other person.


Most Helpful Guy

  • this is happening to me right now actually. I tried to rekindle things with an ex girlfriend I had feelings for and she had just recently ended things with a guy. After like 2 months of seeing each other again she was driving by the dude and told me through text that she saw him and realized she still "was in love with him" and she "couldn't do this anymore" referring to me and her. Id sahy about 2 or 3 weeks later she hit me up again saying she chose me and she wanted me back blah blah blah and just needed time to think. I even tonight got some texts from her saying she "still loved me" and was pulling out all the stops. I know for a fact the other guy did not want her so I was just her second choice. So this question really hits home. I've just been telling her she had her chance and I don't feel bad because I gave all my effort the first time and it wasn't good enough so not going to put myself through that again. I know its hard to let go because for me I still have feelings for her but the more pathetic she gets with trying to text me the more I realize she just is playing a big game and turns me off. So do not fall into that its just someone else filling their void of not wanting to be alone. If your not going to be the persons first choice, their is someone where you will be. They will also always have that in the back of their head if that "other" person wants them again and may make some rash descions that will result in you getting hurt. For me I am still dealing with this issue and has not been easy to handle. Best of luck to you.

    • ugh that really sucks. It is kinda sad that we are being used for caring. Good luck to you too!

What Guys Said 5

  • NEVER be someone's second choice and treat them as your first choice. You should never dedicate yourself to someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. It's a cliche but there are plenty of people who would chose you first. So why be silver when you can be gold?


  • Being a 2nd choice is still better than being no choice if that person is the girl or boy of your dreams. I do believe in second chances and hope for a change of hearts from those who's existance has really touched my soul.

    If you are wondering why, let me explain. I am adopted from Ethiopia, to Finland. My biological mother made sure I got into that adoption home because I would be in better hands somewhere in Europe than in the poverty of Africa. What was best for me wasn't the easiest choice for her. She didn't abandon me, she made sure I got into the best hands possible. If you care about someone, you would not hesitate to give him or her a chance for a better life when you know there are others out there who may be better than you.

  • The other party's gotta be all in or nothing... I won't date a girl unless I'm all for her and I expect the same from her as well. Anything less is a waste of everyone's time... unless the person just wants to use you for one thing or another.

    There was one time I started dating this girl for a couple weeks and then her ex came along and she started acting weird. She told me that she needed time to decide who she wanted to be with. I couldn't be bothered with playing into that kind of game. There should be no silly contests... unless perhaps you're still in high school. Anyway, I knew right there she wasn't for me.

  • I would use her for sex then disappear


What Girls Said 2

  • Ummmm I so wouldn't settle with second choice :/ For me it's first or not at all...

    • even if you really care about him?

    • If he would take someone else over me I wouldn't even bother... I couldn't bare knowing I was second choice

    • ya the second part is how I am feeling

  • I don't accept "2nd choice" If they want to be with you because things didn't work with the previous person then they are using you as a rebound or they don't want to be alone.

    Why be second to someone,when you deserve to be their first?