Married woman falling for someone else

I am married but I think iv started to fall for another guy, I feel like I can confide more to him and be myself more. My husband and I have been on the rocks for a few months but he then does stuff that remiss me why I married him. But we do argue alot. Help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • It is very hard to see the forest when you are standing in the middle of the trees. And it is hard to see the good and bad points of each other and your marriage because you are in the middle of it. You really should find a good counselor (both of you preferred, by yourself if he won't go) and see what you can accomplish. The counselor may be affiliated with your religion or not, depending on your desires.

    Love is not the magical feeling most people think it is. It is finding someone who interests you, shares your interests, motivates you, etc. When you find someone like that, you decide whether the person is one you wish to put more trust and faith in, and share your life with. If so, you move into a deeper committed relationship, often marriage. Many do this and do not recognize it, just think they "fell in love". Others think they are deeply in love and commit themselves to each other, then find there is much they do NOT have in common and it tears them apart.

    Nothing stays the same forever. Each of you will change somewhat, but you made a commitment, so you each need to adapt a bit to continue loving and living with that person. Too many people reach a point where they see some changes, and take that as a reason (or an excuse) to end the relationship. For some people, it is easiest to dump things and move on, but a committed, loyal person will work at keeping the relationship together, happy, and productive.

    Again, please find a counselor who can help you see the qualities you earlier found in each other, and help you onto a path that builds your marriage, not destroys it. If one of you refuses to go, the counselor may still help the other get the marriage back on track. The things you learn may also take you the other way, and if you find the marriage is ending, you will know that you honestly tried to make it work.


What Guys Said 19

  • if people worked at their relationship as hard as they did their jobs there would be a hell lot less of a divorse rate

    heres the thing, if you leave your husband for this guy, WHO KNOWS what could be worse, it could be better...but EVERY relationship needs work and effort put forth

    just because you argue isn't a good enough reason to fall for another guy...all relationships start out amazing, flawless, eventually you argue and disagree...hey that's normal, pick and choose your battles, don't regret falling for some guy you barley know, at least not nearly as close as you should know your at your current relationship, if you two can't seem to come to the middle and you argue every single day, every time you talk then yeah leave...but I don't think that's good reason to be falling for someone else if you argue...every kind of relationship has their bumps (friendship, fwb, marriages, bf/gf) you just need to decide which ones are worth fighting for...remember why you married your husband and lets not all another stasitic to the "divorse rate" because of arguements...i can guarentee you if you leave for this guy you will have the same issues, you just can't see them yet...not relationship is perfect, its how you deal with the imperfections and handle every situation as it comes...respect each other for your flaws and embrase each other...remind why you love one another...mayb eyou need more romance to spark your love again

    dont give up like everyone else...b/c every relationship needs work, so work at it just as hard as your job and you should be fine...pick and choose, pick and choose

    good luck

  • I highly recommend searching your soul as to why you are married. Talk with your husband about your connection starting to crumble.

    I highly recommend Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness program, even though it was too late for me. It may not be too late for the two of you!

    If you can't confide in your husband, then something has gone wrong. It's the connection that matters, not the compatibility.

  • life is too short to be unhappy. Go where you're happy.

  • It is normal to emotional and sexual interests in people other than your spouse. It isn't an inditement of your marriage and it doesn't mean you don't love your husband. Marriage is hard work. Lot of people choose to believe that the love has faltered rather than taking a hard look at their own part of the marriage. Have you been really honest about your wants and expectations? Are you giving as good as you get? Are to being fair?

    As far as the other guy goes, you will have other sexual interests. Feel free to talk to your husband about conditional non-monogamy and be prepared to offer him similar freedom. It can do a lot to prevent a marriage from collapsing due to ordinary desire.

  • I'f you care about the future of your marriage end you relationship with the other guy. Work on your marriage, determine whether it is salvageable

More from Guys

What Girls Said 20

  • Get a separation and test out this connection with the other guy.

    If it's there then divorce your husband.

    If it's not there then go to marriage counseling.

  • well...u need to decide... either leave your husband and get on with this guy or leave this guy and try to work things with your husband...

    if you are not happy with your husband and the other guy is good then I see no problem

    • but if you have a child then it far better if you try your best to make things better with your husband

  • I suggest you ride out you're relationship with your husband. Don't break things before they're ready to be broken or you'll wind up regretting it. Explain this to the guy you're falling for and ask if he's willing to wait, if he loves you he should.

    Then take the time to feel out your marriage. Talk about options with your husband, ask him where he's see the marriage going. Don't bring up these topics during a fight though, that will just seem like an attack. Instead bring it up when you're both comfortable and can think clearly.

    It's going to be rocky, no matter what you do, so just try to figure out what you really want once you've cleared your head and go for it.

  • I don't know how long you've been married for, but I think this is a case of you thinking the grass is greener. Of course this other guy is going to seem nicer compared to your husband, he hasn't known you for as long, he doesn't know your flaws, he probably hasn't seen you at your worst. He is obviously going to be supportive because he has no need to commit to you, and he probably wouldn't be as supportive or caring if he actually had to see you everyday. Your husband is the one who has seen all your bad points and still loves you, so what if you argue? The idea of having a marriage without arguing is unrealistic. The more you spend time with this other guy the worse it will get. You aren't single and on the dating scene anymore, this isn't just a relationship you can leave and move on happily with this other guy. This is a marriage that you promised you would commit to, and if you werent willing to commit completely to your husband, than you shouldn't have married in the first place. In this day and age, marriage has become a thing you do when you've been dating for a while and you aren't sure what to do next. Its stupid. Love only last for and average of 3 years and after that it fades. Its never going to be all sweet and romantic, its always going to fade into a rut and routine, but the thing you have to decide is who you'd prefer to spend that rut/routine with. This new guy may be romantic and mysterious now, but he will have his flaws and you have yours, don't make any mistakes because if you do go with this other guy you might really regret it when the romance dies away.

    • Your husband is the one who has seen all your bad points and still loves you


  • Romance isn't self sustaining you have to work at it, and this new guy may seem awesome but you don't know him like you know your husband, you may see this new guy as a solution to the problem without actually realizing that your making him seem better than he actually is, because his flaws are in different places he only seems like he is the better choice, your blinded by lust, make sure you analyze your marriage first, just try too look at the situation clearly.

More from Girls