Married woman falling for someone else

I am married but I think iv started to fall for another guy, I feel like I can confide more to him and be myself more. My husband and I have been on the rocks for a few months but he then does stuff that remiss me why I married him. But we do argue alot. Help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • It is very hard to see the forest when you are standing in the middle of the trees. And it is hard to see the good and bad points of each other and your marriage because you are in the middle of it. You really should find a good counselor (both of you preferred, by yourself if he won't go) and see what you can accomplish. The counselor may be affiliated with your religion or not, depending on your desires.

    Love is not the magical feeling most people think it is. It is finding someone who interests you, shares your interests, motivates you, etc. When you find someone like that, you decide whether the person is one you wish to put more trust and faith in, and share your life with. If so, you move into a deeper committed relationship, often marriage. Many do this and do not recognize it, just think they "fell in love". Others think they are deeply in love and commit themselves to each other, then find there is much they do NOT have in common and it tears them apart.

    Nothing stays the same forever. Each of you will change somewhat, but you made a commitment, so you each need to adapt a bit to continue loving and living with that person. Too many people reach a point where they see some changes, and take that as a reason (or an excuse) to end the relationship. For some people, it is easiest to dump things and move on, but a committed, loyal person will work at keeping the relationship together, happy, and productive.

    Again, please find a counselor who can help you see the qualities you earlier found in each other, and help you onto a path that builds your marriage, not destroys it. If one of you refuses to go, the counselor may still help the other get the marriage back on track. The things you learn may also take you the other way, and if you find the marriage is ending, you will know that you honestly tried to make it work.


What Guys Said 19

  • if people worked at their relationship as hard as they did their jobs there would be a hell lot less of a divorse rate

    heres the thing, if you leave your husband for this guy, WHO KNOWS what could be worse, it could be better...but EVERY relationship needs work and effort put forth

    just because you argue isn't a good enough reason to fall for another guy...all relationships start out amazing, flawless, eventually you argue and disagree...hey that's normal, pick and choose your battles, don't regret falling for some guy you barley know, at least not nearly as close as you should know your at your current relationship, if you two can't seem to come to the middle and you argue every single day, every time you talk then yeah leave...but I don't think that's good reason to be falling for someone else if you argue...every kind of relationship has their bumps (friendship, fwb, marriages, bf/gf) you just need to decide which ones are worth fighting for...remember why you married your husband and lets not all another stasitic to the "divorse rate" because of arguements...i can guarentee you if you leave for this guy you will have the same issues, you just can't see them yet...not relationship is perfect, its how you deal with the imperfections and handle every situation as it comes...respect each other for your flaws and embrase each other...remind why you love one another...mayb eyou need more romance to spark your love again

    dont give up like everyone else...b/c every relationship needs work, so work at it just as hard as your job and you should be fine...pick and choose, pick and choose

    good luck

  • I highly recommend searching your soul as to why you are married. Talk with your husband about your connection starting to crumble.

    I highly recommend Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness program, even though it was too late for me. It may not be too late for the two of you!

    If you can't confide in your husband, then something has gone wrong. It's the connection that matters, not the compatibility.

  • life is too short to be unhappy. Go where you're happy.

  • It is normal to emotional and sexual interests in people other than your spouse. It isn't an inditement of your marriage and it doesn't mean you don't love your husband. Marriage is hard work. Lot of people choose to believe that the love has faltered rather than taking a hard look at their own part of the marriage. Have you been really honest about your wants and expectations? Are you giving as good as you get? Are to being fair?

    As far as the other guy goes, you will have other sexual interests. Feel free to talk to your husband about conditional non-monogamy and be prepared to offer him similar freedom. It can do a lot to prevent a marriage from collapsing due to ordinary desire.

  • I'f you care about the future of your marriage end you relationship with the other guy. Work on your marriage, determine whether it is salvageable

  • I think you should first talk to year husband and get that story settled.

  • Try to remember why your with your husband, don't fall to temptation.

  • i think most married women end up cheating kind of human nature... 50% of marriages end in divorce, but what people DON'T talk about is how much infidelity and misery there must be in the 50% that don't get divorced

    • What about the married guys that cheat? There's a lot more of them. Once kids come into the equation women don't exactly have the time to go out and cheat.

    • tons of kids are fathered by someone other than the husband.. about 12% globally. and I would guess more % of married women cheat, men that cheat just do it more frequently.

      and when a wife gets fat and lets herself go after kids can you blame guys that cheat?

  • Even when I read this question it make me feel bad, why do you guys/girls marry that easy sometime? If you don't believe the guy or girl is right person? If one day I marry I will don't think for other girl because I will love her for ever if I am going to marry. About you it's too late for your marriage if there is no respect or love in your life.

  • kinda sorta happened with me and my X-wife like that, the guy's long gone.. becareful

    And if you keep talking to this guy or anything happens and you stay together and he finds out later, he will probably be very upset/hurt/mad, etc

  • Why did he get a chance?

  • First I'd like to say that marriage before around 25 is way too early!

    But teenage emotions towards someone can be very intense, and at such age rash and irresponsible decisions can happen easily, I can tell that about myself!

    But what is done is done, still you must figure out somehow how to fix your problem!

    Nr.1 killer of all relationship is dishonesty and lack of communitation.

    Nobody likes to argue, especially with the loved one, but if it's about really important issues, there must be an argument which must be finished with a decision, otherwise being silent and hoping the problem will go away by itself WILL make it far worse!

    If you have children(or if you're pregnant), make sure they are taken good care of first, only then solve the other things.

    If you still don't have children, you can divorce easily, you're still very young, by forcing to stay forever with somebody who ain't that right would be TERRIBLE decision! Think about it!

  • stay committed like your supposed to be since you married him, or don't rush into something like that.

  • sounds like the old classic rushed to get married too young and had no idea what you really wanted cause you haven't lived enough life to really figure it out.

    honestly, it sucks for your husband but you would probably be doing him a service if you divorced him and left him alone so he can have a decent chance at finding a decent wife while he is young. it would be very unfair to string him along and waste his years. you obviously aren't ready for marriage, you are basically cheating and your only 18-24 so you couldn't have been married too long. I don't feel sorry for you but I think you should help out your husband by setting him free to find a girl who deserves him. because you do not. you need to go play with boys who want to do the same and leave men to be men. and what kind of peice of $h!t is this other guy who is okay with destroying a marriage? if he is that much of a loser what kind of man do you think he is really going to turn out to be?

    sorry but I tell it like it is. and that's what this site is for. not to sugar coat things and make buddies. I hope you make a decision that restores some small amount of your dignity but it makes me sick to see people watering marrige down more and more with each generation to the point that it means almost nothing anymore. shame on you and your loser boy on the side.

  • Hate to put it this way but this seems to be quite common with young people because some rush into marriage to fast and are not sure they are even with the right person.

  • Whatever you do, be honest to your husband.

    and follow you hart, whatever makes you happy.

    • whatever makes you happy is horrible advice.

    • Show All
    • Well something that may give you short-term happiness may bring long-term consequences.

      If you run out on everything when you hit a rough patch or an upsetting situation, you'll be running your whole life.

      You've got to assess your reasons for ending something that once made you happy and beginning something that makes you happy now, because you will be unhappy sometimes with this new guy too.

      We can't expect to be happy all of the time.

    • I see, You're right, it was a horrible idea. I guess I didn't think of it that way. Thanks for the explanation.

  • if you feel this way about the other guy then you should talk to your husband and tell him that and see what you can do to fix your marriage

  • This is why married people should not have close friends of the opposite gender. This stuff happens all the time. If you want to save your marriage cut off all communication with this guy. If you want this guy instead of your husband, get a divorce before pursuing a relationship with him.


What Girls Said 20

  • Get a separation and test out this connection with the other guy.

    If it's there then divorce your husband.

    If it's not there then go to marriage counseling.

  • well...u need to decide... either leave your husband and get on with this guy or leave this guy and try to work things with your husband...

    if you are not happy with your husband and the other guy is good then I see no problem

    • but if you have a child then it far better if you try your best to make things better with your husband

  • I suggest you ride out you're relationship with your husband. Don't break things before they're ready to be broken or you'll wind up regretting it. Explain this to the guy you're falling for and ask if he's willing to wait, if he loves you he should.

    Then take the time to feel out your marriage. Talk about options with your husband, ask him where he's see the marriage going. Don't bring up these topics during a fight though, that will just seem like an attack. Instead bring it up when you're both comfortable and can think clearly.

    It's going to be rocky, no matter what you do, so just try to figure out what you really want once you've cleared your head and go for it.

  • I don't know how long you've been married for, but I think this is a case of you thinking the grass is greener. Of course this other guy is going to seem nicer compared to your husband, he hasn't known you for as long, he doesn't know your flaws, he probably hasn't seen you at your worst. He is obviously going to be supportive because he has no need to commit to you, and he probably wouldn't be as supportive or caring if he actually had to see you everyday. Your husband is the one who has seen all your bad points and still loves you, so what if you argue? The idea of having a marriage without arguing is unrealistic. The more you spend time with this other guy the worse it will get. You aren't single and on the dating scene anymore, this isn't just a relationship you can leave and move on happily with this other guy. This is a marriage that you promised you would commit to, and if you werent willing to commit completely to your husband, than you shouldn't have married in the first place. In this day and age, marriage has become a thing you do when you've been dating for a while and you aren't sure what to do next. Its stupid. Love only last for and average of 3 years and after that it fades. Its never going to be all sweet and romantic, its always going to fade into a rut and routine, but the thing you have to decide is who you'd prefer to spend that rut/routine with. This new guy may be romantic and mysterious now, but he will have his flaws and you have yours, don't make any mistakes because if you do go with this other guy you might really regret it when the romance dies away.

    • Your husband is the one who has seen all your bad points and still loves you


  • Romance isn't self sustaining you have to work at it, and this new guy may seem awesome but you don't know him like you know your husband, you may see this new guy as a solution to the problem without actually realizing that your making him seem better than he actually is, because his flaws are in different places he only seems like he is the better choice, your blinded by lust, make sure you analyze your marriage first, just try too look at the situation clearly.

  • i think your should seperate from your husband for a few months to see where you want to be. Just tell him yall have been fighting a lot and you need your space. then spend more time with this other guy. if you don't feel a connection then let it be

    • wow, your gonna make a great whore/wife one day.

    • Show All
    • Wow, must feel awesome to sit at a keyboard talk that kind of hard $H!T to stranger. "dumb f*uck" to a guy with 2 masters degrees. and "little bitch" to a guy who's gone 6-1 as an MMA figher. HaHa Sounds like the desperate response of low class trash to me. The louder you get and more profanity you use the more you feel like you win, right? You go girl! (now its -8)

    • you call me a whore but I'm the one who is trash? I don't care how many masters you have your a bitch for calling a whore for saying something you don't like. that's called a bitch move. so yes you are still a dumb f*** and a bitch. you think I care you do MMA? ha! I'm sure you suck like the little bitch that you are. I'm done talking to trash like u.

  • See a counselor, talk to your husband, if anything leave this other guy be. You are married and if this guy is threatening that(even if that's not his intent), then to save your marriage, you need to step back from your friend. Couples have their bad's talking and working through them that makes them stronger. Find out what's putting you two on the rocks. If you've only been married a couple years, don't throw in the towel yet.

    I believe that as humans we sometimes get scared when we become fully committed, especially at so young. Everyone spouting their opinions, friends playing the field, being young in general. Then there's also boredom(it happens, doesn't mean you scrap the relationship, just means you find something to spice it up).

    On top of all this, there's the confusion sometimes caught up with girls and guys being close friends and the idea that it'll lead to more. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that this can't possibly be, that you're married and that even if you guys are fighting a lot right now, you love him. Remember why you two married. And remember not only are you husband and wife, you're best friends and partners in life...and get this, best friends fight...sometimes something happens that just makes them feel like they hate each other and then one day, they forget what started them fighting in the first place and they let bygones be bygones.

    Sit him down(your husband) and speak calmly. Start with asking him, why you guys are fighting and figure out a way you two can fix it. It can be done...I've seen my parents go through the worst fight of their life and threaten divorce, fall back in love and support each other. You two can do it, it is possible.

    As for this other guy, tell him you two need some space so you can save your marriage. If he's a good enough friend, he'll understand.

  • :Everything will be okay if you do have COMMUNICATION... just talk to your husband tell him what do you feel about it so that he will be aware and things will be okay between you and your husband... ANd besides you won't marry him if you don't love him right? probably you just confuse right now regarding your feelings because you saw something in another guy that makes you interest which you cannot see in your husband but whatever it is... they key here is TALK...

    • THE key is COMMUNICATION***

      and hope everything will be fine with you,Goodluck WIsh you the best..

    • @GODEMPEROR: why smiley? ;))) hehhee

  • Whatever you do, be honest with your husband. Even if you do choose the other man, it will hurt both of you a lot less if you're honest rather then hide this.

    Also, you need to make a choice. One way or another. Other wise you can wind losing, and hurting both of them. Personally for me, I would try and rekindle my marriage because you made a comitment to him. It is not uncommon to be attracted to other people and even become close to someone like that. However, it is dangerous just for this reason right here.

    Like I said, be honest either way.

  • The key word is married. You made vows and commitments to each other, for better or worse. Marriage is difficult and the best things don't come easily. Work on your marriage, you're feeling vulnerable from the lack of communication between you and your husband. Talk to him about your concerns and be open with each other.

  • Don't divorce your husband because this guy could just be another guy who you may like to talk to but is not marriage material. He may make you feel good about yourself but that is never a recipe for marriage or even a relationship. He could be your friend but leave your married life to your husband.

  • Dont be dumb and leave your HUSBAND for A BOYFRIEND.

    BOYFRIENDS will leave you anytime,he even maybe won't marry you 1day,DONT BE STUPID.


    And you think that if you left your husband and went out with that guy that you wouldn't argue with that guy at all and live happily ever after?


  • And this is why you should never get married.

    • No, this is why you shouldn't rush into freaking marriage. She's only in the range of 18 to 24 and already married. Too soon and I'll bet she only knew her husband for maybe a year or two at most. People rush into marriage these days. That's why so many fail.

  • You should be discussing how you feel with your husband. That guy is probably listening cause he knows your vunerable and he's trying to get some. It's always bad to confide your marital problems with the opposite gender unless they are related to you. Go talk to your husband, and remember the positive things in your marriage.

  • You and your husband already have conflict with one another. This guy who you are falling for WILL definitely complicate matters between you and your husband, and worse, escalate the argument and put you in an emotionally very difficult situation. It would really help if you can provide us the nature of the conflict or the cause of the argument between you and your husband. If your husband is very domineering, controlling or doing something that really isn't good for you, leave. DO NOT ever put this other guy you are falling for as part of argument between you and your husband. Both of them are separate entities and don't get the new guy involved in the argument between you and your husband. Even more importantly, please do NOT go for this new guy as a way to escape the reality between you and your husband or as a void/outlet to make yourself feel better. It is very tempting and easy for a girl to develop feelings for another guy who is "the one there for a girl/lady who's in trouble". If this another guy still pursue you knowing that you are already a married woman (whether your marriage is on rocks or going well), he's not such a guy either.

    Keep a clear head. Know and sort out what is really wrong with your marriage. Don't jump or run away from something just because it's easier. This other guy can only be your friend IF you can really draw a clear line of friendship between you and him. Otherwise, I suggest you get some help or confide to someone else other than him.

  • Sometimes you get so use to someone that you appreciate them a bit less, you tend to find other people a bit more fascinating and exciting and start wondering what things would be like if you were with the other person. nobody wants to spend the rest of there life with the wrong person.

    Try taking to your husband more and maybe try make you marriage more exciting.

    and remember "you don't know what you got till its gone"

    everyone argues it's healthy. maybe you could try confiding in a close female friend.

  • All I can say is don't do it, don't go there. It is a big mistake. I have never seen this go well.

    I was married for 13 years. I stayed married because I just thought that we were okay and that it was unrealistic to expect more than okay. We barely had sex, didn't do much together but we also did not argue much. We were like roommates. Then, one day, a guy started showing me a lot of attention. All the things that I thought I did not need anymore came screeching back to me. I loved the attention and the fact that someone thought I was amazing. Luckily I found out he had huge problem fooling around (he was married too) and his attention had nothing to do with me or how "great" I was.

    I used the experience to try and get my marriage back on track. I can say that at least I really tried that last year to get the spark back but it did not work. I divorced knowing I did my best and without the guilt of an affair. Put your energy back into your marriage and either make it work or end it. Oh, and any guy, no matter how great he feels at the moment, will eventually lose that aura of perfection. We are all human, even this guy will end up doing things you will argue about. That's life. Is it worth the guilt of an affair to test this theory?

  • Even if there is a TINY spark still left in your marriage, a remote chance that you both can salvage what you have on your marriage with all your heart and soul before calling it quits. Seek intervention with a QUALIFIED marriage counselor, attend a marriage retreat... Put your focus on saving your marriage and if for whatever reason you and your husband decide that you can no longer be together, then divorce. Only then should you pursue a relationship with the man you have started to develop feelings for. Leave this man alone until then. He's nothing more than a convenient distraction for you right're vulnerable and he temporarily provides you with the joy/love/warmth/attention, etc you may be missing from your husband, but in the end, there's only heartache in store. Attempt to fix your marriage, end your marriage legally if that is what must be before complicating your life needlessly. Good luck.

  • you need to keep your distance from this guy beofre you do something you'll regret