I had been dating a soldier, then he found out he was deploying and broke up with me.. why?

I started dating him , and I went all the way to georgia to watch him graduate from basic. He then moved to a different base, and found out he would soon be deployed.. so he broke up with me. and I asked him if he still wants to be with me when he gets home and he says he can't answer questions like that right now , but he isn't one to string someone along .. he even told his mom he wasn't going to make any decisions until he got back.. so do you think that we could end up getting back together?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You may not realize how often this happens, but there ARE women out there who are unopposed to cheating and/or sending "Dear John" letters to their deployed men. A lot of guys have, unfortunately, been hurt by this.

    Not only him worrying about you being faithful, but him worrying about you. Is he a career guy? Either way, it sounds like most of all, he's nervous. It's his first deployment, after all. He doesn't want to waiting on him in case he, somehow, some way, can't fulfill the obligations that puts on him (i.e. coming home at all). Rather than worry about you worrying about him, he seems to want to just get this deployment under his belt.

    From the little you've said on the situation, I think you COULD end up getting back together. But you have to ask yourself you are really up for it. He's given you a clear, guilt-free way out if you aren't. If you do want to be in it, though, I'd say just support him. Write him letters. Send him care packages. Skype with him. And work out the details when he comes home. The most important thing is not to force the relationship on him, just be supportive.

    But also be prepared for the fact that he may legitimately not want a relationship, either now or when he comes home. Like any other relationship, you're going to be risking your heart in this.


What Guys Said 3

  • He doesn't want you to be worrying about him while he's off fighting. And he doesn't answer because he doesn't want to give you hope in case something happens .

  • My best guess of why he decided to do so would be that if he is getting deployed then he might be killed as a result. He doesn't want you to experience that loss so hard and decided to break things up now and if he got back alive, then he would decide what to do about the two of you. So it is entirely possible that when he comes back, he'll want to get back together.

  • Yes, it's a possibility.

    It's hard what he did, but I think it's the right thing to do.


What Girls Said 4

  • That is a common thing. And I do think that there is a chance of you getting back together... he may have broke it off because of the high risks involved with his job. i.e. he comes home in a box...

    • okay , good. Thanks.

      but I don't get why he won't communicate with me to much. its always one words.

  • I think it's just the way soldiers sometimes deal... Mine broke up with me when he got his follow up orders for after AIT for South Korea, he would hardly talk to me after the break up.. I would mostly get drunken phone calls or texts of "I miss you" & "I messed up" or "likes" on my fb posts & pictures just letting me know he was still thinking about me. Eventually (because he's stationed 18.5 hours away right now) we became like best friends, spending hours on the phone from once a week to every other day or so. I just approached it as being very supportive of him, his career, and his life and he's been one of my biggest supporters of my life, career, and goals. Now he's coming home for a week and a half next week and I'm waning between being excited, nervous, and all together scared of what will happen... I, obviously, want to get back together but what happens then, what if he breaks up with me again. When he leaves this time he'll be stationed 6.5 hours away for almost the next year before he leaves for Korea for a year or two. We've discussed visiting every weekend by him coming here, me going there, or us meeting in the middle... we've made all kinds of tentative plans for leave and I'm hopeful but who knows. In any case I want to keep him in my life somehow... if not in a relationship then I still want to be friends and be each others support system... You have to decide what works for you and your relationship of any kind with your soldier. I've told mine that with us, for me I don't need something defined... that it is what it is and whatever happens, happens... and I'm OK with that because there are just too many variables right now and too many variables in general with his career and mine... so we'll see what happens. I wish you luck though :)

  • My story is exactly like yours! I dated a guy that was in the army and things were going great. He's from my hometown and comes back to see me and his family. I went to Georgia for a month to spend time with him because he got a notice that he would be deploying this summer. When I came home, he called me and said he couldn't be my significant other because he had to figure his life out. I was so confused because HE always talked about marriage with me, kids, basically our future together. He kept in touch with me everyday, calling me to make sure I was doing good, we would facetime sometimes and still had our good laughs together. He came back home two weeks before deployment and was home for the weekend to spend time with his family. I was at his parents house with him and everything between us was the same. We hung out as if we were dating.. The first night we were laying down talking and he began kissing me on my forward.. I was so confused! I was not about it at all because he broke my heart by breaking up with me. I went along with it because I am still in love with him... He is a very romantic guy and always treated me with pride. The second night I ended up staying the night because I was over there all day long hanging out with him and his family. I am so close with his family and still go see them even when he his gone.. Mainly because he brought the dog we got together when I was in Georgia and his parents are looking after her while he is deployed.
    When he got back to NC, I finally said I was confused about him and I. He told me he didn't know if he could ever love me or anyone else again because he needed to be invested with himself first before he can be with me and doesn't know where he wants to take his life.. Im guessing he meant after the army? But apart of me feels like he was scared because this was his first deployment and he didn't want to admit his fears. The last week before he deployed he hardly would contact me.. And if he did, he was so rude! The day before he deployed he apologized for being an asshole, inconsiderate, and rude. And that he can't express emotions at this time to me now and for awhile. He did admit that he was unhappy because he hates leaving. I just don't get how you can fall out of love with somebody so randomly especially when you talk about the future together.
    Apart of me has hopes that when he comes back and gets his head back into his daily routine, that maybe he will come around.. But I won't chance it.