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I had been dating a soldier, then he found out he was deploying and broke up with me.. why?

I started dating him , and I went all the way to georgia to watch him graduate from basic. He then moved to a different base, and found out he would... Show More

Most Helpful Opinion

  • You may not realize how often this happens, but there ARE women out there who are unopposed to cheating and/or sending "Dear John" letters to their deployed men. A lot of guys have, unfortunately, been hurt by this.

    Not only him worrying about you being faithful, but him worrying about you. Is he a career guy? Either way, it sounds like most of all, he's nervous. It's his first deployment, after all. He doesn't want to waiting on him in case he, somehow, some way, can't fulfill the obligations that puts on him (i.e. coming home at all). Rather than worry about you worrying about him, he seems to want to just get this deployment under his belt.

    From the little you've said on the situation, I think you COULD end up getting back together. But you have to ask yourself you are really up for it. He's given you a clear, guilt-free way out if you aren't. If you do want to be in it, though, I'd say just support him. Write him letters. Send him care packages. Skype with him. And work out the details when he comes home. The most important thing is not to force the relationship on him, just be supportive.

    But also be prepared for the fact that he may legitimately not want a relationship, either now or when he comes home. Like any other relationship, you're going to be risking your heart in this.

What Guys Said 3

  • My best guess of why he decided to do so would be that if he is getting deployed then he might be killed as a result. He doesn't want you to experience that loss so hard and decided to break things up now and if he got back alive, then he would decide what to do about the two of you. So it is entirely possible that when he comes back, he'll want to get back together.

  • He doesn't want you to be worrying about him while he's off fighting. And he doesn't answer because he doesn't want to give you hope in case something happens .

  • Yes, it's a possibility.

    It's hard what he did, but I think it's the right thing to do.

What Girls Said 3

  • That is a common thing. And I do think that there is a chance of you getting back together... he may have broke it off because of the high risks involved with his job. i.e. he comes home in a box...

    • okay , good. Thanks.

      but I don't get why he won't communicate with me to much. its always one words.

  • I think it's just the way soldiers sometimes deal... Mine broke up with me when he got his follow up orders for after AIT for South Korea, he would hardly talk to me after the break up.. I would mostly get drunken phone calls or texts of "I miss you" & "I messed up" or "likes" on my fb posts & pictures just letting me know he was still thinking about me. Eventually (because he's stationed 18.5 hours away right now) we became like best friends, spending hours on the phone from once a week to every other day or so. I just approached it as being very supportive of him, his career, and his life and he's been one of my biggest supporters of my life, career, and goals. Now he's coming home for a week and a half next week and I'm waning between being excited, nervous, and all together scared of what will happen... I, obviously, want to get back together but what happens then, what if he breaks up with me again. When he leaves this time he'll be stationed 6.5 hours away for almost the next year before he leaves for Korea for a year or two. We've discussed visiting every weekend by him coming here, me going there, or us meeting in the middle... we've made all kinds of tentative plans for leave and I'm hopeful but who knows. In any case I want to keep him in my life somehow... if not in a relationship then I still want to be friends and be each others support system... You have to decide what works for you and your relationship of any kind with your soldier. I've told mine that with us, for me I don't need something defined... that it is what it is and whatever happens, happens... and I'm OK with that because there are just too many variables right now and too many variables in general with his career and mine... so we'll see what happens. I wish you luck though :)

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