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Psycho ex/ Son's father- Should I keep my partner updated?

My son's father, whom I've left 4 years ago still consistently contacts me demeaningly. My boyfriend is aware of the full situation and is secure... Show More

I brought the subject up and asked me how he felt about it. He said he's not threatened by him and that he trusts me. Right now my ex lives in Alaska via military but gets out in April. I plan to discuss with courts abstaining contact info (address and number) and having him go through grandparents. I've kept good rapport with them and didn't keep them from their grandson over what their son did. They've met and adore my current boyfriend at my son's birthday party.
As far as imminent danger, when he IS back in Texas (come April-May)...he's more likely to end up shot. He can't legally purchase a weapon and none of his friends have any nor would be stupid enough to provide him with that...many of his old friends would quicker shoot him themselves.

My boyfriend is diplomatic, but he would win a spar because A) My ex is 5'2" B) My ex fights without any real tact and usually comes out of fights he does end up picking losing with a black eye.

Most Helpful Opinion

  • If you want your new guy to fully be in yur life, then try having him answer some of your ex's

    tirades Just knowing you have a new guy fullly involved in your life may your ex to stop asking you to come back to him, and generally it may get him to stop contacting you all the time.

    It would be difficult to get a restraining order, since he is the father of your child and sends the support payments on time, andit might just make him angry. I'd stay on the path you have chosen, being generally reasonable and civil, but I'd try involving your new guy in handling his communictions.

    Sure it's messy and a little embarrassing, but as you say it wouldn't be right to hide things from him.

    • Trust me, there's a voice of reason that I have to hold on to to prevent from saying (true) things like "Please. I'm getting better d*** than you could ever dream of providing for a girl and you think I'd give that up to get back with you?" but I withhold.

      And letting him get involved would not benefit things. My ex says f***ed up things...he knows very well how to provoke and his goal and dream would be to push my boyfriend over the edge.

    • Show Older
    • I still hate that he has to deal with it I meant and wish he didn't have to. Two thoughts got strung together. Sorry lol.

    • Partners are for sharing the burdens as well as the joy of life! Getting some sort of no contact order from the courts wouldn't be a bad idea when he's back living near you..but don't count on that stopping him.

What Guys Said 6

  • id say keep your boyfriend updated, keep telling your ex he doesn't have a chance. quite the messy situation, so glad I didn't get my ex pregnant lol.

  • i would get a restraining order for sure and move far away like to another state or at least county if law allows. seriously because all too often the ex gets crazier and could one day show up with a gun or take your kid and flee.

    ya for sure...go see the police soon. even if he is the kids dad so what. be prepared to buy a small hidden spy camera to see his nastiness crazy behavior for evidence. also record all phone calls or texts from this wacko. this day and age with a childs safetyu gotta show the court.

    but ya do what you gotta do

    • Hmmm I might get a camera. Good idea. And I do save his texts.

  • Your ex is an unstable, but war does that to men. It's really sad all the way around. You have to keep you current Boyfriend updated, BUT don't sensationalize it. Because you could create a dangerous situation. If my girlfriend was getting cursed out regularly by any guy I'd end up having a misunderstanding with the guy doing it. But you don't want those two fist-fighting or worse. There is an innocent kid involved, and it's still his dad. At some point you'd have to answer to him for whatever happens.

  • Well it's good to be open & honest about things but you don't want to put more strain on your current relationship than you have to. So I'd say you should figure out how much info you need to keep your current guy updated about...basically, you're the filter. You can be honest with him without sharing every emotional rant from your ex. Sometimes ignorance is bliss...what we don't know can't hurt us...so for your ex, I'd keep that in mind as a general rule while obviously not going too far to the other extreme and feeling like you're hiding anything from him either. You seem smart; just trust your instincts.

  • Just call the cops - you're from the USA - there you can freely sue someone even if they look at you the wrong way.

What Girls Said 1

  • You realize you are talking about murdering somebody.

    • I don't mean literally. Someone brought up that he could get crazier and possibly shoot me because he's psycho so I replied that he's more likely to get shot than I am and thus I'm not preoccupied with that fear. Not that I ever would. It wasn't meant literally nor that I foresaw it, I meant if he tried to obtain a gun to come after me wouldn't succeed.

    • Kriskiss: "seriously because all too often the ex gets crazier and could one day show up with a gun or take your kid and flee."

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