Had a magical relationship and then ends it without a warning and she needs space. why?

My ex and I were together for a month and for that month it was magic. We like all the same things, food, cooking for each other, four wheeling, sports...I mean it was magic! There were times that her and I looked into each others eyes and we both got sappy and started to cry because we were so happy together. There were talks about moving in together, planning how we would re-paint my spare bedroom for her daughter, and later we talked about marriage, and I NEVER EVER in the past considered getting married, my idea was always "why ruin a good thing" but with her...I would do it in a heartbeat! After a couple weeks of dating we were laying on the couch watching TV spooning and all of a sudden she give me a promise ring to her. I was kind of freaked out about it but it didn't fit, so she said that she would get it re-sized for me...I told her "sweetie, I don't need a ring to commit myself to you" and she was OK with that and we kissed. She told me from the start that she didn't want me to meet her daughter for 5 months of dating...I was perfectly fine and respected that. after a couple of weeks, she said that she is extremely comfertable with me and wanted me to meet her daughter so I did and instantly fell in love with her and from that point on was just wonderful. every time I saw her, it was like the first time we met, I had butterflies in my stomach...IT WAS MAGIC I was on cloude 9! Then we went to her company party on the 9th of Feb had a great time, spent the night at the hotel it was at and the next day we spent time together until she had to go home for her daughter to be dropped off. We text and talked that night until I had to go to bed for work. The next day (Monday) we were emailing back and forth throughout the day and things were good. Then at the end of the work day she states that this is not working out. She stated that I was smothering and it's over. I was devestated. She said that she can't accept the clingyness and it's just not going to work out between us. Here's the thing, that wasn't me! I was being like that becasue she got a divorce of 8 years becasue her ex was lazy, no job, and didn't respect her (she told me this), and her recent ex just didn't treat her like she meant anything to her (again she told me this). SO I did all of that for her and made her feel special and that she meant a lot to me. Eventually I would have backed off and gave the space and wouldn't have laid it on that thick anymore. She won't talk to me or see me, just text or email. She talked with my best friend and gave him my stuff and wanted her stuff back, so I gave it to him to give back to her. She told him that she rushed the relationship and needs space now. Ladies, Please give me some advice why she would end it overnight...

Another reason why I'm not a smothering personson is becasue my ex broke it off with me becasue she always wanted to be with me and was bothering me. So we talked and went somewhere without her and she was pissed off and said that she doesn't want to be with me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that she just freaked out because you both were moving too far too fast. Especially since she just had a divorce, I'm guessing that she panicked and wanted to reevaluate the relationship because she didn't want to rush into another marriage only for history to repeat itself. I also was afraid when my boyfriend was super serious with me; after a month or two he told me he wanted to work through a long distance relationship (for 8 months!), move to my hometown, follow me to graduate school, etc. It was a lot to deal with and I panicked too. I quickly realized, however, that I ultimately wanted a serious relationship and I had a very sweet boyfriend who was offering that to me. Hopefully sharing my own experience will help you process what your girl might be going through. I'm surprised she ended it so quickly vs. talking it through with you; it must have been a knee-jerk reaction.

    I would wait a little while and then contact her, either through a phone call, email, or your best friend. Explain that while you stand by what you said during the relationship, you would take it slow if it meant you got to be with her. I would just reiterate that you're sincere and interested, and have her interests at heart. Try to think with your head instead of your heart, so you two can truly get to know each other (it was only a month after all!) In my opinion that's really all you can do at this point. I hope she'll listen to you and will give the relationship another try!

    • I do appreciate what you are telling me. Do you think when she told me that she doesn't want to talk and that it's over was just her putting up her walls so I wouldn't contact her so she can have her space and think about it? I don't have a problem slowing down what-so-ever, I'm all for it and want this to work between us. I am praying that she will give it another chance becuase what we had was perfect and as long as I am myslef and smothering that it would be a magical thing. Thank you

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    • Yeah, I have no idea what her thought process was. Maybe she cut off all communication because she was afraid, and wants to reflect on her own wants/needs. Maybe she cut off all communication because she seriously wants to break all ties. Maybe she doesn't know why she did it. It's hard to tell with women haha. All you can do is hope it's the first scenario, and act accordingly. Good luck!

    • I will...thank you for the advice. Every little bit counts. From wha everyone has been telling me seems like she got cold feet and bailed becasue it was too good to be true to her and it finally sunk in and that's what pushed her over the edge.

What Girls Said 7

  • You know, maybe this is all just overwhelming for her.

    I will give you a personal experience. My boyfriend is clingy and possessive as he calls it, he always texts me and says nice things to show his affection. He's so sappy he talks about me getting pregnant and how happy he would be to marry me and start family, but he chose to date a female who isn't very affectionate and I've tried to break it off with him multiple times because I had never had to deal with those things. I suffer from anorexia nervosa and being told I have a beautiful body is something I don't agree with, it was all very overwhelming. Maybe since she has had nothing but stereotypically "bad" guys, she feels things are going too good to be true and has decided to put her walls up later down the road.

    But I'm sure she will come to her senses.

    When my boyfriend decided to give me space I practically died and I missed all the clingy mess and nice things that were being told to me that I had never been so acquainted with. I've even picked up eating, although slowly.

    • I'm hoping that's what it is...I jalso found out too that her ex back out of the relationship becasue she asked him the same questions and got freaked out and backed out. But I think there is still hope becasue she wanted this stuff and so do I. I think she said that she didn't want to be with me is because she just wanted space. But why not talk about it? I wouldn't have gotten mad by any means, I would do what I can to make the relationship work.

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    • Going to her friends may generate positive feedback.

      If her friends see how much you like her and are going to gain a healthy long lasting relationship they will most likely bring you up in many conversations, asking why she broke off things with such a well rounded guy.

      I think that is a good start, you're not being "clingy" towards her, but you're letting it be known that you want her and will work for what you want~

    • will do...thank you for the input...praying

  • TOO MUCH TOO SOON. It was all just too rushed best thing you can do is stop all contact with her and move on. If you really want her back make it obvious that you are moving on post pictures on a social site if you have one. People don't like to see other people are better off and completely fine without them.

    • I am not talking to her. It's been 2 wks now and not text. I will give her until end of the week and shoot her a text. I really think in my heart that if she opens her eyes and heart that she will see that we both want the same thing out of our lives and that we would be a perfect couple to grow old together. I was thinking of asking her friends to see how she's been doing and to see if I should contact her.

    • leave it a month apparently if a person is going to get in contact they usually wait a month I'm still waiting on my text but the guy is with his ex now so there prob won't be one for me. But in your case I genuinely think the girl wants space to figure out what she wants she should start to miss you in another week or two. Also girls talk so don't talk to her friends I can guarantee you they will tell her. Unless that's what you want I wudnt advise it.

    • I don't know if I should talk to her friend and tell her not to say anything to her, but I was hoping that she could give me some advice on what to do with contacting her. THat's why I need a womens advice on this..lol She said that she isn't ready for any men to be in her life right now so I hoping that I still have a chance with her and to start from scratch.

  • Question on Feb 9th was that the first time you two slept with each other?

    • no we slept together weeks before.

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    • Ok, she is an a$$hole, she does'nt know herself or what she wants. So she made you a victim with her crazy self. I am being blunt, sorry, but that is basicly what she did.

    • Ugh...I knw you are. Just sucks because things between us were Magic...just magic. I do love her with all my heart and would do anything for her, like marriage and kids. She is my angel...as cheesy as that sounds...

  • Well what you had was a girl who didn't understand what she had. I will tell you the same thing happened to me when I met my boyfriend. He treated me the same way you described and I wanted to run, but I said I wanted a guy who was different from the others and I am glad I stuck around. Best thing that ever happened to me. Got a guy I have always wanted. The problem is it does seem like smothering in the beginning because you are not used to it. You are used to jerks who don't call unless they want sex and call twice a week instead of everyday (which is what we women really need). The sad thing I woman doesn't understand that if she has only been with bad boy, jerky boys who think they are men. I am sorry you had to go through that but sometimes women don't realize what they need is right in front of us. But you will find someone who appreciates that and is strong enough to understand and respect it.

    • I completely understand what your saying that she doens't really know that she did have it great and doens't know how to accept it. The thing with me, is that I truley want to be with her. What her and I had was magic. I believe deep down in my heart that if I can text her and move slowly that I can get her back. I'm not a smothering kind of person and need to open her eyes and mind to that. She is my everything in my eyes...

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    • Just happend with me, did everything to make her happy then she said it was excessive.

    • Yikes I didn't realize how grammatically incorrect this was until I reread it. This is why people shouldn't use their phones to type.

  • She might have panicked because she felt things were moving too fast and then you have to factor in her child. Single mothers have a lot to consider when they get into a relationship. Yet, she could have thought that things were too good to be true. The only thing I can tell you is to give her, her space and time. Hopefully she will come around and see what she had. I hope the best for you.

    • Thats what I am thinking as well...but why have me meet her daughter only after a week or so vs. the 5months that she originally said? It's been (2) weeks with no contact and was thinking of texting her end of the week just to say hi. I really want her back because she wants the same as me in our long term plans.

  • Meh


What Guys Said 3

  • She met another guy.

    • UNLESS you followed her like a puppy dog. Then she needs a little space.

  • Hey, I'm actually in the same exact position as you man. Me and my Girlfriend dated for about two months. She told me how all her past bf's were drug dealers/ called her ugly and cheated on her. And how I was the best person she's ever met etc...

    I made sure not to be too clingy by not initiating texting and not being the one to ask to hang out. It was pretty mutual. Then all the sudden "I need space" I gave it to her and she texted me the next day wanting to hang out. Same thing we ended up fighting and breaking up over her saying she couldn't handle the clingyness too fast.

    Basically I just told her to tell me it was over and she said we both need time. I made no contact for 4 days and she texted me said she missed me terribly etc... Right now things are shaky between us.

    Lesson here is these women who are used to being in more casual/ bad relationships get excited at new ones where someone actually cares about them. But then freak out and ask for space and often the magic is gone after that. Just have to man up and make space before its too late, even if they don't want it at the time.

    Best advice if after two weeks she hasn't texted she's gone. I was preparing to accept that my self, and still have to be ready for her to leave again because my relationship is far from repaired. If you do get her back start fresh, take it SLOW.

    • I agree, I am giving her the space like everyone has said. Give her a couple weeks and send a "hey hows it going" text and hope for the best. Just weird how everything was going great and then all of a sudden end it? Talking with the marriage, kids, and commitment ring and then doing a 180 is just a weird thing to happen. I'm am by no means the smothering person, just showing her that she is loved and appreciated by me vs. her ex's. I don't want to be a smothering person...

    • It's just a drastic change. My girlfriend was the same way. She even talked about moving down to LA with me if I go there for school. The way my Girlfriend put it, "with all my ex's I could leave when I wanted too, but with you there is no end in sight because your the best person I've ever met"

    • That does sound positive. Everyone has been saying that she doesn't really want to end it because she just got spooked and and to gather her thoughts about the relationship and get her mind set for it. Also worried about getting burned again, which is understandable and that is something I would never do to her. I am one not to argue or raise my voice AT ALL! I am a peacful person when it comes to disagreements. hoping that is what happened with her...

  • Hi, I'm in a very very similar situation but it was 2 months and her reason was "im not ready for a relationship, I need to be single". How did this work out for you?