Will a girl in a bad relationship, who recognizes the ex is bad, come to realization and go for a better guy?

I'm 29, she 30. She was engaged but the wedding was called off recently. She knew there was issues, as well as her closest girlfriends who thought she could do way better, but being in a bad relationship and having committed 9 years to the cheating douche bag, she is naturally having a tough time coming to terms with everything.

She had dated me for half a year prior to officially calling off the wedding, but now she needs time to figure herself out. She tells me she feels like she owes it to the ex to try again, and he'll undoubtedly fail to be nearly as amazing a person as I am. I'm honestly a catch, a genuine gentleman with everything going for me. At the same time, I also recognize that she is a catch and has all the qualities, interests, and goals that I look for in a person. We both realize it although maybe she resists still, and she does genuinely like me (bc I'm a pretty darn good guy). Note that we have also done everything together, physically and emotionally and we are both happy with each other. The only imperfection with the whole situation is the ex.

So here's the question, given she does give the ex a shot which she needs to do in order to have closure and be in the right state of mind for any future relationship, what do you think the chances are she will recognize the ex is abusive and lacking many of the qualities she would want in guy with a marriage that is built to last? She is a sweet girl and completely open with me and tells me she feels that she needs to do that, and that she doesn't want to hurt me nor have that on her conscience. But It's just tough to accept.

If I give her time, and I will (not completely disappearing but not overly pushing), she should realize I'm a much better guy right? I know nothing is certain until it happens, but I want everyones' thoughts. I know it's natural for her to feel the way that she does, and to want to do that one more time.

I'm confident in myself and know there are plenty of girls that would die to be with me, but I also know myself so well to know that girls like her don't come around all that often... like literally a year or more. Plus, by my personality I hate leaving things to fate, I am the type that if I know what I want, I will do anything and whatever it takes to get it. I guess it's just hard to accept, and I'm stubborn, that maybe the only way to get it is to take steps back and let her figure things out...

Why can't love be easy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • 9 years is a really long time. That's like a third of her life. If she knows she's better off with you she won't stay with him. But she needs to be certain before she makes such a big life choice. This guy will probably put on a show for a while but eventually he'll slip back into his old habits. There might even be early warning signs. She'll be able to pick up on all of that very quickly because she's knows him well, don't worry. Once bitten, twice as wise.

    My suggestion is to continue to give her the love and support she needs to grow into a new chapter of her life. Don't stop being Mr Nice Guy or give up on her. She will come back as soon as she starts to miss you.

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      I agree that certainty is the word for her, to be certain that she is prepared to move past that painful chapter of her life and to start with someone else. I don't know if the ex is claiming to change, but I tend to agree with you that people are who they are at their core, and fall back into old habits.

      I will continue to be me for sure, I'm not changing for anyone. Well, I do change for myself, but that's because I'm committed to learning, improving, and being the best man I can be.