Just found out my ex girlfriend cheated on me during the relationship
I posted a few weeks ago about a break up and I got a lot of advice, most of which I should've taken. But here's the new story:
I dated this girl for 3 years, we had our ups an downs and even a month break, got back together and about a month ago she ended it. When that happened I was destroyed, I gave up my social life with friends during the relationship and made friends with her current ones. I gave up interacting with people outside of her life, she pretty much became my entire life.
So the whole time we were broken up we lived together and we still do. I thought the whole time it'll work out if I stay, we can make it work we love each other so much it can't be over. Finally, I grew confident in myself with motivation and dignity, I found boxes and packed all my stuff up and told her and our roommates I will be paying this months rent and moving out. My ex completely lost it in emotions and called me the next day crying asking to talk with her(4 days ago). I said yes and we talked, I melted to her as usual and said I want this to work. Ever since that night, she's been asking me to lay with her in her room, I've fallen asleep with her(Nothing sexual since the break up), talked an laughed with her, It all seemed like it was working out.
About an hour ago, I was laying in bed with her and she was sound asleep. Her phone lit up and it was this guy we met together through one of her friends(It is her friends twin brother actually) about 2 months ago. The rest of the texts explain it all, before we broke up they were talking, her friends were telling her to forget about me this guy is great, messages asking how the other night was with him, her saying she didn't want a relationship with him just to have fun and he wasn't like that, etc. And these were my friends! So now over the last month and a half I had hope(False) that this was going to work out, and the last 4 days it seemed like it actually was, and now I realize that the whole f'n time she's been trying to build a relationship or random sex with this other guy(That's hung out with me and her several times) and now since she's scared that I was leaving, she's nervous.
How do I confront this inconsiderate selfish person about what I know. And our friends, how do I bring it up to them when I look back at all the times they told me to keep trying when originally they knew about all of this and were egging it on to her. And how the hell do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend for 3 years, who I loved so much and wanted to be with, was cheating on me with this other idiot the whole time I thought she just needed time.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I would bring it up to her in her face.
Dont cry, Don't get mad. Well yea get a little mad, but show her and tell her that this is complete bs. Be very dry with her. Dry and to the point.
Ask her why she allows her friends to dictate who she dates. At the end of the day, only your opinion matters on any situation. Not her "friends". Explain to her that's like her loser friends telling her where she can and cannot work. So make sure you state that.
I would rub this really hard in her face. Tell her the pain she has put you through. Ask her if she would like it if you did this to her. Tell her you want to see effort. And if she doesn't want you, to honestly grow balls and dipp.
Its time you start acting like a man bro. From this point forward in life. No more mister push over, unless she actually changes.
What Girls Said 3
If you guys were broken up then she wasn't cheating. She was giving herself space from you... Obviously if she reacted in that way when you told her that you were moving out then she was taking advantage of the fact that she knew you would not give up on her no matter what she was doing. Girls need space sometimes as men do. She WAS NOT cheating. You can't cheat on someone you are not going out with. Yes, I know it hurts you but she wasn't cheating. She was trying to figure out if she wanted to move on.. And sometimes moving on is easiest with a rebound guy even tho it's not right in my eyes. She figured out that she wanted you and didn't want to move on. She LOVES you. So have a talk with her and be understanding about it. Don't push her away or accuse her of cheating. You have her back now and that's what you wanted so this time listen to our advice and DO NOT over react. It wasn't cheating.
FIrst, she wasn't "cheating" on you when you were broken up. This is where guys and girls differ. It's not cheating if you are on a break or actually broken up. Second, since she was always confident that you were going to stick around, she forgot to appriciate you. When it dawned on her that you were actually DONE, that's when she realized she was losing you. Forget the guy. It means nothing. But, you did wrong by making her your whole life. You have lost your identity. She's not bad, you are suffocating her. And you are unhappy becuase you have lost yourself. As for your "friends egging her on"... they aren't your friends. They are hers.
What Guys Said 4
It does't sound like she was doing more than flirting with him a little, during a time when you were pretty much broken up, right? Even if you were 'trying to make it work', you were largely broken up during the time she was flirting with him.
I'd be more angry with these 'friends' who were encouraging her to be with this guy, even while telling you to 'keep trying.'
It sounds to me that she honestly DOES want to make it work with you..don't hold this against her as some major betrayal.
same thing happened to me with my girlfriend of 6 years. just hit the bottle for a few weeks, bang as many peeps as you can, meet up with this girl for some random hate sex here and there as you deal with the pain, and then one day you will wake up and know that you have sown your seeds enough, and it will be all over.
but keep to yourself about what happened, except to new girls you want to see. that is very important.