Do you think I am emotionally unavailable?

I haven't been in a relationship, at all. I'm 24 now. It's not like I haven't had opportunity. I've been asked out. I've been outright told "I would have sex with you" and declined. It's not like I don't want a relationship, at least that's what I thought.

But I've noticed a pattern of always chasing unavailable women. I have no problem approaching new people, getting numbers from women, even getting a date. But from there it seems like that's where things go wrong.

I'm not sure what my deal is. Most recently there's this girl, fairly attractive, smart, real hard working, and absolutely into me. Like unquestionably into me. Yet I feel very strong hesitation. I don't know why I respond this way. Any ideas?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You may enjoy the chase more than anything else. Or perhaps, (this is getting into deeper stuff), you don't think of yourself very highly. At least subconsciously. So if a woman is super into you, you assume she's of lower quality or not as great as the girl who isn't sure about you. Does this sound like it may be the case?

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    • It's possible. But I have to say in the last couple years I've done a lot to improve myself and I feel really great about myself/where things are going.

      Yet, I don't know, maybe I'm just not all that attracted to her? I mean she's not ugly but she didn't really stand out to me either. I do wonder if a woman I was more attracted to showed the same signs if I would be acting this way (which makes me feel kind of shitty and shallow).

    • You can't help what you're attracted to. If your standards are highly unrealistic, then maybe I'd say to reconsider. Otherwise? You can't change that you feel chemistry with one person more than another.

      I know for me at least, there have been hot guys who I should've been into but just wasn't. And some less attractive that I felt a spark with. Sometimes vice versa for obvious reasons.

      Anyway, don't force it. Especially if you're the kind of guy focused on self improvement, there's nothing wrong with holding out for the girl who takes your breath away.

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