I have a depression problem. Would you date me?

I suffer from depression. I have battled depression for many years and I make an effort to fight it. I am not where I need to be compared to a person without depression but I am constantly trying to do better. I've dated a woman for a year and four months. We were on our way to getting married and she said she couldn't handle my depression issues and broke up with me. It appears none of my relationships worked out in the past because of my depression issues. A person wouldn't know I had it unless I told them but they would think I was anti social. I am a kind, nice, caring, thoughtful, faithful, loving, loyal man with a sense of humor. I do have my hang ups like normal men do which I work on. I am similar to an introvert but I do like spending time with women that are special to me. I do have my hang ups because of depression which makes me have to try much harder to do normal things. But I do accomplish them with effort and time. Once I share with someone that I have depression issues, it seems like my relationships go down hill after that. I guess they put two and two together and notice the reason why I do this or don't do that is because of depression. I'm not totally sure. If I was someone you would date from a point that you didn't know I have depression issues, would you continue dating me once you found out I did have depression issues?


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Most Helpful Girl

What Girls Said 20

  • @tamashi00 Everyone has their own individual baggage. Yours my friend is very insignificant baggage compared to mosts. If depression is impairing to your daily life then work on managing it. Would I date you? Yes though, my baggage might put you into a chronic depression.

    Sincerely,

    Erotica

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    • I appreciate the advice. I do work on managing it and continue to try to do better. I do understand about the baggage thing. I have had my experience with women's baggage. The way I see it is because of depression it created a lot of baggage for me so if someone else has baggage then I am understand and will show compassion when it comes to that.

  • you seem a nice person...i won't mind i will date you but you should have a follow up with a therapist until you really feel better

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    • That's good advice. I do get help. Hopefully the help will eventually lead to no depression.

  • You sound like a very nice guy, and I admire you for fighting depression each and every day because it isn't easy at all. Personally, I believe that someone should only be in a relationship when they are happy with themselves, so they can share that happiness with someone they are fond of. Of course, we will have days where we aren't so hAppy but by that, I mean that you are pleased in your own skin and that you're confident about your capabilities and persona.

    My advice, stop worrying about a relationship for now and focus on yourself. Through the process of healing yourself, you might find someone who will support you, but you gotta help yourself first.

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    • That's what I also wanted to say. 'Aloneness' isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it is necessary to focus on yourself. I don't look for relationships when in these positions, cause I know it is through a clouded lens of neediness.

    • I agree. My only question would be if I never get rid of it when do I start thinking about it? But hopefully that won't be the case.

    • @Levin, I agree with focusing on yourself.

  • No, I wouldn't. I've had depression, but luckily got past it so I can sympathise with you. It's just that I'm in such a different place in my life now that I just don't want people to drag me down emotionally. In the comments you said your depression affects your motivation, and that would drive me nuts. I'm very proactive and enjoy doing as many things as possible. I'd want a partner who's the same.

    That being said, I am no where near as sensitive and compassionate as other women.

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    • Nah, I don't believe that, your last paragraph. You're absolutely right, people need to date each other who are in the same place. If you're living a more wholesome lifestyle, and have seen the other side, you know what it is like, and how these bad habits, or partial unconsciousness, can drag those around you down.

      People are attracted to those who resonate at a similar level. You're just cutting through the bullshit. This is similar to some Nietzschean theory, ie the lowly want to drag the soaring down. 'Ressentiment'.

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    • I figured it was your own, I'm just saying its on point :)

    • @Maskofinsanity, thanks

  • Yes I would date you. I have come to learn that people who suffer with depression are more real/human and genuine. I find it very refreshing and as soon as someone mentions that they suffer with depression I just think, 'yes! Someone who I can open up to'

    By the way I suffer with bipolar!

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    • It's good to know that some people look at a positive side to it.

  • No I wouldn't. I think its selfish to go in a relationship when you have so many issues ots different if you develop them while were dating but if you had them before me then no I wouldn't. You need to go see a therapist and deal with your issues before you allow someone to share your life with you

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    • I understand your point. Problem for me is I may never get rid of depression. Of course it can be managed but there will be times where it is not as good as others.

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    • Well just keep on putting in 100% in it and no less and im positive you can live a healthy happy positive life :) stay strong

    • @lacelover20, Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

  • I would say take care of yourself and get better before getting into another relationship. The old saying-"you can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself"? Very true. Have you seen a therapist? Get well soon.

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  • Before thinking about a relationship, you should consider yourself.
    Forget about the girls. This is not right time to do it.

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    • I agree with you I do need to think about myself. I've been getting help and battling this for many years. I do manage it but I do have my bad days. Unfortunately it not something that everyone can get rid of. My thing is if I don't get rid of it, when do I think about women? Hopefully I will get rid of it before it is too late.

  • Work on yourself before u get into a relationship. I have lows but I am not depressed but I feel horrible sometimes which is one of the reasons why I don't date. I want to work on myself before I can have a relationship. Do you take depression tablets? It should help you regulate your emotions if you do.

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    • Yes I take depression medication. I am constantly working on myself. Just takes a lot of time. Hopefully I get to the point where someone will accept me soon.

  • if u go to a therapist and get all fit and amazing then yess :D

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    • Thanks for the reply. I've had girlfriends that liked how I looked but wasn't okay with the inside of me when it came to depression. They would criticize me because they wanted me to change on the inside. I am trying to do better on the inside but it takes time. And they were not willing to wait.

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    • @JellyBeans77, Thanks. I appreciate your kind words.

    • no probs..hope it works out for you :)

  • If you don't make an effort, I would ask myself...why would I bother?

    Most women date to stay long term or have kids with that person.

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    • I do make an effort. Unfortunately it is a process that make some time. I am dating to find someone who may stay for the long term.

    • Does it run in the family

  • I guess they find it too much trying to motivate you. Well not really, if it dampens my moods too.

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    • You hit it on the head. That is it. That is one of the things my previous girlfriends said. I do understand but I kind of consider it a trade off because the other person has issues also usually. They may not be anything that is related to depression but they do usually have them like baggage from previous relationships, how they feel about men or issues from the past when they were growing up. I am very compassionate and understanding about there issues and I try to help where I can with advice or more. I do it normally because I care. But it is also like a trade off in my opinion. At the same time I do understand everyone has a choice and I respect and understand that.

  • I suggest you solve the despression problem first. being aware of it, as you obviously are, is an important first step. now don't ignore your condition and seek help.

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    • I've been getting help and working on it for many years. Only problem is I don't want to use a big chunk of my life trying to deal with this and no one will accept me while I'm doing it. Because the way things are going I may not find someone who will accept me until near the end. Hopefully that doesn't happen. I've been told some people never get rid of it. Hopefully with effort and hard work that won't happen to me.

  • I've had depression for years too

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    • I think it can be very hard at times. Not just for you but because of the effect you have on other people because of it.

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    • A lot of people have depression I just drag myself threw the day to be honest I'm fed up of feeling this way I just want to be happy I been doctors to they give me anti depressants but I don't want to take them as I've heard bad things about them

    • @sweetycakes, That's unfortunate that he did that to you. People can be something else whether they have depression or not. That was nice of you to help him out. I do understand the effects. It can remove your motivation and make it seem like there is nothing meanful to life. I've learned that you need to start with taking care of small things then moving on to bigger things once you get the confidence from doing the small things. I try to set goals to do things that I think I might enjoy. The problem for me is finding things that I enjoy. Sometimes what I will do is try to do things that other people do or have fun with. Sometimes that works for me. That is one of the benefits of dating people is that you get to do things with them. You may not be interested in doing it but doing it with them makes it enjoyable.

  • Do you take anything for it? Because I take Zoloft and Xanax and that seems to help.

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    • i used to take bupropion for my depression

    • Yes I do. I take Zoloft as well. It does help just makes me sleepy sometimes but I'm good. One of my problems with depression is I fight being negative. I have negative thoughts and speak negatively sometimes. I try to think positively and speak positively as well. I wonder is that something that comes with people who battle depression.

    • @VENOMMM, I never heard of bupropion.

  • I have this problem too, sort of. From what I've heard my depression is much worse than yours. I don't really make an effort to be better (up until very recently). It's gotten to the "why bother" state for me. And I don't usually have to tell people I'm depressed after they have a conversation with me. They can usually tell by my physical appearance. I always have dark circles around my eyes and small bags. My face is pale. I never really smile because it feels really hard to do so. I dress in dark clothing, but that's more of just a personal style for me.
    And when I'm in relationships I do try my best to be a better person for my significant other, but they seem to grow tired of me, and I do go out and whatnot, but it feels more like a chore than anything. Still, I do try for the other person, and I am currently getting help, but for some reason that's not enough for some people.
    They just want me to magically be happy or something. I guess they don't really understand how depression works. But I always let them know I'm depressed before it turns serious just so they can decide if they want to deal with that. And apparently they do, but I guess it gets old? I don't know. Maybe they just want to see how it is to date the depressed girl or something.
    I personally would date somebody else who is depressed because I understand it and I can look past that. And I'd love to make them happy however I could, even if it's only for a second. Depression can make somebody feel very lonely, and I don't like feeling lonely, but it seems like people don't want me because I'm depressed. It's like this never ending vicious cycle.
    And most people won't understand so I guess they wouldn't date somebody who is depressed, or they would but they would think "this act of depression is getting old," like one of my ex's said. They must just be curious and that's why they date me or something. I honestly don't know.
    But I would date you. That's just my opinion.

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    • I understand where your coming from. I can't compare my situation to yours but I use to be a whole lot worse than I am now. Not sleeping or sleeping to much. I taking a shower. Barley eating or eating too much. Staying in the house unless I had to get food or supplies and I would procrastinate when it came to that. My friends was the walls in front of me on my left and right side and behind me. Oh and the bed. I would just look at tv all day. I didn't work. It was a mess. But I started doing little things at a time to better myself. I didn't clean up so I would try to clean a little then accomplish that then move on to trying to do other basic things that people take for granted. Unfortunately people don't understand. My previous girlfriend thought she could just criticize me into doing better. It doesn't work like that. People may think they have the patience to deal we it but then they get tired and move on. Especially when they don't see enough improvement in a certain amount...

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    • @Anonymous, I'm sorry you lost your faith. Hopefully you can get it back. Here's an idea, you may be here to live your life as best you can and make someone else happy and allow them to make you happy. I don't know exactly what it is but what I do know is we as humans don't just exist to exist. Everyone is slightly different or more from other people and that is what makes them special. No one is exactly the same not even twins so everyone is special in there own way. You may become a mom if your not already. Motherhood is a purpose. You may become a wife. Being a wife is a purpose. You may have parents. Being a daughter is a purpose. By purpose I mean like a reason to exist. It can be a lot of things. You may want to keep an open mind. I'm not sure about you but I am very very negative. I mainly think negative thoughts. But I have to try to think positively and be positive. Thanks for the encouragement, you be encouraged. It may be that your suppose to encourage others. Another...

    • @Anonymous, Another thing that I've learned is sometimes people who battle depression may be a little self centered. I know that goes for me. I know I think about my problems a lot which include regular problems, problems with depression and problems that the depression is causing. I was told a good idea may be to think about and do things for others. The key is not to think about yourself and not to expect anything in return. That may help to make it better. Just a suggestion. Thanks again for the encouragement.

  • If I would date a depressed guy? Yes, but only if he is under treatment. I suffer dysthymia (which is chronic depression, but less severe, and a year ago I was diagnosed with double-depression). Anyhow, I understand you, and I wouldn't have a problem trying to socialize with someone with depression, but as I'm about to finish my treatment, I think a relationship will only be healthy if the other guy is under treatment too.

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  • It would be hard for me to give an accurate answer since you've only told us a fraction of what really goes on with you. I would actually have to be in a relationship with you to be able to decided whether I'd stay or leave. It completely depends on how you handle it in reality and what you do and say. So I honestly can't say, not even hypothetically. Sorry.
    I would try my best to work it out with you, but I couldn't promise staying depending on how bad it really is.
    And as others have mentioned before, you should really work on yourself before getting into another relationship. Obviously the depression is ruining it for you, so you need to fight some more to get rid of it.

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    • Thanks for the reply. I been working on it for many years. It gets better little by little. I've gotten a lot better in the last 17 years but I still have a long way to go. I'm just afraid that by the time I get to the point where someone will accept me I will be near the end. Hopefully that doesn't happen.

  • I suffer from it, too. So yes I'd.

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    • Thanks for the reply. It almost seems like the person who knows someone close that has it or something similar or has it or something similar themselves is the mostly like to understand, have compassion and deal with someone that has it. This is not always the case in my experience.

  • Maybe, it depends on what you depression is, some like you say become withdrawn from others, some cheat, neglect responsibility. In a state of depression some do reckless things, harming yourself or me and not fully understand why. Then no!. I couldn't jeopardize my life for someone who doesn't wanna change or fix his :( sorry however if your seeking help then yeah.. I'll date you !!! and I'll try my best to hang in there. But if your refusing help, or if needed medication, then No!. If it's only minor depression if it's such a thing then yea, cause we get a bit moody, and become antisocial once in a while. It's pretty common more than you think. But I also know how important is "me" time, and I get that. But still need fixing.

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    • I understand. Good points. I should have mention this. With mine it is a lack of motivation to do things type of thing primarily. My previous girlfriend thought I was lazy and not goal oriented, which was wrong but to her it looks that way. It does come with other things like suicidal thoughts now and then but I get help with that.

    • That's good your seeking help. Then yes:)
      I would date you, i probably would wanna take things super slow day by day almost, and go from there. It would all ball down to the amount of effort your putting towards getting better, yourself. If your trying then I would try also :)

What Guys Said 4

  • Hmm, the thing with depression, and other disorders, the way I see it (this is just my perspective based on my experience), is that it comes on in waves. One day, a person can be perfectly fine, another, their consciousness is really narrowed to the issue they are struggling with. Though people might shrink from depression because of the fact that it has been formalised into some, as I say, medical disorder, with its negative connotations, similar principles apply to the likes of anger. Namely, at the core of it, is a thought, a subconscious one, that something is ultimately hopeless, so there is no point in even trying. This is where therapy or meditation can be helpful, in uncovering that thought, and putting one's attention on it. Is there some facet of your life that you feel is hopeless?

    You're asking about depression in the context of dating. Now the previous analysis, should hopefully back up the idea that in fact, people with depression operate just as normal people, are just as normal people, given I believe, most people are struggling with something. So you should be wholly date-able. With some caveats however.

    People with these sorts of issues, and I can say this cause I have struggled with them, are often in denial in some view I believe. By in denial, I mean, though don't fully understand the impact of this disorder. They don't understand that their reality is not reflective of reality, as is, and their behaviours can follow suit. So avoiding things, destructive behaviour, not looking after themselves, missing appointments, being clingy and needy, feeling it is 'hopeless' so why bother looking for this job, etc. This is very unhealthy, and has a knock on impact on those around you. In the same way, that people who are very angry, when you are around them, drag everyone into that spiral of negativity. So what I would say is, by all means date, but if you unravel this completely, can't you see that you will have much healthier relationships?

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    • Is there some facet of your life that you feel is hopeless? To answer your question, no. But I sometimes get a hopeless feeling for no reason which I battle against when it comes. I do get your point about other people having issues also. Thanks for the reply.

  • you need to csre for yourself before you care for others, so they say

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    • I don't agree with that but I can see how someone would say that. Seeing that it is a good idea to have yourself together before you care for others.

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    • @legalboxers, yes it does

    • my issue.. I look like Shrek.. but Im a rotten onion.. so no layers

  • Mental "Illnesses" are caused by your environment. Change what makes you depressed. Pills won't help any better than a bottle of Booze. Learn to channel that energy into positive things. Work out, change your self image and you will feel better about yourself.

    Stop taking things so seriously and stop caring about the world/society. People are stupid, the world is fucked so join the party and live your life. Don't be an introvert anymore. people who are social also come from social backgrounds.

    Your depression is linked to your withdrawal from people. You withdraw because you are not good with them. And it won't change unless you make it change. I had Major depression. All my life I was told so. Meds, therapy and so on does nothing. Your illness is not gene bound, your illness is not "Chemically imbalanced" ( someone talking to you does not measure brain chemicals. Even the UK did test and shown a Placebo had better effects on depression than meds ).

    You have nothing to lose going out living your life. Mess up, have fun. Get shot down by women you will never see again. Who cares? if someone random came up to you and asked you if their shirt was ugly and replied yes. Should they value your random response as foundation for their life? NO so why should you fear people who have NO hold on yours?

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    • Depression is linked to stress. The more stress you stack up the more depressed you will get. Being Tired will make it worse. So go outside, live and have fun. The healthier your body is the happier you will be and the less irritated/stressed you will be.

    • Thanks for your advice.

  • depression sucks dude. hang in there, I lost so many relationships due to depression and it is the worst. every day is a struggle for me as most days I don't like feeling getting out of bed. and life seems pretty pointless

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