I have a boyfriend right now that I have been seeing for a little over 3 months and we are doing pretty well, we just take everything extremely slowly. He is really hard to read and seems to be wishy washy with his emotions but then other times I feel 100% sure that we are "in love" and everything is fine. Well on the off days when I am unsure of him (examples: he hasn't talked to me in 2-3 days, he's only texting me once a day for a few days, changes plans without reasoning, etc.) I will text an old FRIEND of mine (if you know what I mean) and me and him just text the whole night. We will flirt a lot and talk about all of our "good times" together and he will make me feel good again. I know it's kind of using him to fill the void of my boyfriend, but me and him were never serious anyways and we enjoy texting each other. So my "friend" always wants to meet up again but I tell him I can't on the account that I have a boyfriend and he made the comment last night that we "don't even act like we're together" being that I'm talking to him and flirting with him and my boyfriend isn't even talking to me or will go days without talking to me. I don't want me and my boyfriend to break up but I feel like he thinks he can just choose when he does and doesn't want to talk to me and I can't deal with that because I like the reassurance that my boyfriend cares about me and wants to talk to me...really confused as to what I should do and if I should stop talking to this other guy when I'm feeling down..
Most Helpful Girl
I don't think this other guy is the problem, dear. I think it's your relationship the one that needs to be worked on. Be very, very honest with yourself and in this very honest mind, say (or write down) what kind of relationship you want to have. What kind of rituals and habits you want to have, for example... there should be some kind of communication at least once a day, even if it's just at night, to ask each other how your day went; and to always notify each other of sudden (important) changes in plans. It's not an impossible task and someone that can't commit to these very simple habits, can't commit to a relationship. Communication is important and if it's broken, you won't feel loved and you'll feel like it's a constant struggle for making things work out, EVEN when you have your "good days", but you know that in the long run those good days are just blinding lights that cover the problems and act like cheap painkillers because the real headache still lies beneath.
If you don't see him change his attitude towards communicating, then you're in for a hard and heavy quest and it's going to go nowhere. Walking on eggshells with your boyfriend will then push to to have alternative affection engines, like this guy, and this guy could be any other guy, by the way. I went through something similar. My boyfriend was rather cold and I had these other friends that would text me all the time, reply without delay to my messages, and my own boyfriend was like... meh. So the question arises... Who should you really be with? Now, think about this one a lot. Sometimes it's better to be alone and calm, than to be with someone and feel lonely and anxious. Think about this a lot.
After you consider the aforementioned, think about what you're gonna to with this guy. I would honestly keep his friendship and take it slow. He's not part of the problem in my eyes.3