What do you think about age gap relationships?

im dating a guy that is 10 years my senior but my mom doesn't approve because he has a child. I'm 19 years old and he's 29 and I don't see anything wrong with this. He is also a bit thicker in body than I am and so it would appear as if I'm his daughter to some people. What do you think ? Should I stop talking to him because of this?

Updates:
I am not apart of the child's life but I've met him though. However my boyfriend says he's not looking for some1 to be a mother to his child. The child's mother doesn't even care about him. My boyfriend is the only mother and father the child has.
he wants me to marry him after I finish university. I'm going to uni in a few months and I'm going to spend 3 years there. Also, there's a possibility that the child's mother will take him. What do you think about this?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • when I met my husband he was 26, I was 18 and he had a daughter. I tried to prove I was mature but I shouldve been concerned that an older man who had been married and had kids was interested in a girl just out of high school. it shows that he was immature and unable to make good choices for himself and his child. it was rough, leaving me with a lot of resent, I will admit. I look back now and see what a bad decision it was to get involved with him at that time in our lives (of course there were other factors besides our ages). I also dated a man much older than me when I was in high school and peoples jaws dropped when we walked into a room. that guy moved a 16 year old mother into his house shortly after breaking up with me for being too immature, I was 17.

    its not the age gap, its the age group. there's a difference between people just out of high school and more mature people who have had families. a mature father should recognize that difference and the hardship it would be to you to get involved with his ready-made family. that's not to say you're immature. you just have a lot of living you could be doing, growing, learning, having fun.

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    • Very well said!

    • His child is a part of his life no matter where he/she lives. for that matter his ex will be too, as long as they have a child together. I did this at age 18 and id advise you to run far away and don't look back.

What Guys Said 13

  • Again, that is up to you and no one else. Can you see yourself with him for the rest of your life? If he makes you happy, and you feel you know him well enough to feel comfortable with the idea of living with him through both good and bad times, then marry him. Considering he is patient and wise enough to hold off until you are done with university, I think he is probably sincere in he feelings for you as that shows he wants you to be sure. Use that time to build your relationship with him so you feel secure in whatever you ultimately decide.

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  • Part of growing up is learning to make decision regardless of what your parents think. Parents, especially protective ones, will usually assume the worst about the men in your life. And the stranger the relationship, the worse they will think of it.

    Thing is, they don't know him like you know him. So basically they are giving you their opinion based on their fears of what might happen, not on any actual facts about the guy.

    You need to decide based on your needs/knowledge instead of their wants.

    An example for you: When my parents married, they stayed for a time with my father's mother. My mother and his mother did not get along, and fought constantly. My father finally told his mom that if she made him chose between her and his wife he would chose his wife. They then moved out to their own place. They celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary three months ago.

    If this guy is right for you, he is right for you. And unless you marry him, you can break up at any time. If he does not feel right to you, and you have concerns beyond what other people think, then you need to do what is right for yourself. Only you can live your life.

    However this works out, I wish you the best. Protect yourself, but don't be afraid to take risks.

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    • Thanks much..i totally agree

  • That is fine as long as you respect and desire each other. Younger girls tend to be with older men for they are more mature, have a sense of direction in life, are outspoken about more things in life, and conduct themselves better than even that same man 5-10 years ago.

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  • I wouldn't recommend it. Your barely 19 and there's a lot of differences. For one he has a kid, and probably he's looking for a mother to his child. That doesn't mean he's using you, but it's a fact that some men do that. Second, your just barely 19, which means at this age you would be normally getting your freshmen year done at college and still learning. Getting with a man who is already looking to settle down can conflict with that.

    Last, I'm against age differences. Men are more prone to go after younger girls cause they lack experiences and maturity and are still learning. By offering things that are still "new" to them, such as financial stability and what not, they appear to be more 'acceptable" or "favorable". Not all men are like this, some are genuinely legit. But I'm trying to make you realize all the hurdles you'll have to face or are facing with this relationship. Good luck.

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    • He's not looking 4 a mother 4 his child. he had the child when he was 20 but I respect him for not neglecting his child.

  • It's a very tough situation when there is an age gap, especially when the younger person's parents don't approve of the relationship. In some ways, the way you know the age gap isn't a problem is when the person is mature enough to make their own independent decisions. We just got asked about a situation like this with an age gap today and it's all about how controlling mothers influence relationships

    link

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  • What society view as good or ideal age gap is using the 20/25 rule. it means the youngest should be no more than 20% of your age, and the oldest should be no more than 25% of your age.

    Or divide the older age by 2 and add 8..

    Whatever the older of the 2 is the "ideal" age gap...

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  • Do you want to play mommy to this guy's kid? That's exactly where this is headed if you decide you want to peruse a relationship with him.

    There are plenty of benefits to dating older men. Taking care of his kid at 19 years old isn't one of them unfortunately.

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  • nope... if he's good to you, and you like him, he likes you, damn what ur parents/faily or anyone else says.. it's ur life

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  • if your so worried about the age gap then just break up with him and tell him that he's too old for you. if your fine with his age and his kid then do what makes you happy not what other people telling you what to do. about the kid he do live with his mom or he's living with his own father now?

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    • I admire him because he's taking care of his son. I don't see any problem dating him.

      good luck for both of you...

  • I think is cool that older guys can get younger girls, I like that a lot

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  • If you love,then just go for it.Don't worry about the age thing.

    Age is just a number(As long as it's legal)

    Peace!

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  • A boy with an older girl is okay, a teenager girl with an older guy is the worst thing ever, it's just a disgusting kind of relationship, it's just going back to the middle ages destroying everything the feminist movement has done thru all the past decades... some girls want to be taken care of, they still think they are little children and they need a daddy, and worst of all, they say: OHHH! WE girls are more MATURE than guys! a 13 yo girl can put up with 30 yo man! god has made our bodies and mentalities change for a reason, adam and eve were the same age, and still the most significant friend and lover in this world for each of us will be someone around our age... but really, what seems to you now a sexual crush on an older man is a common desire that every girl has, and it would never mean that you are compatible, or that it's going to work and you're going to build a family together, it just doesn't work.

    The second thought is, this guy has a child, he's been with another girl or woman for a long time, he had that experience, were you lucky enough to have such an experience like he had? I don't think so, and the gap of experience between a woman and a man is much worse than the age gap, that will show up on the first argument, and will mean pain for the less-experienced one.

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  • i'm not a big fan of them.

    if I am out of college with a job, I am definitely not dating a girl who is still in college.

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What Girls Said 16

  • Have you discussed this with him? Is age and how it appears to others the only reason you would stop talking to him?

    Honestly, I can't see how you could be mature enough to have a serious relationship because the reasons you listed above to break up with him for seem a little superficial to me. I understand being in a relationship with a person who has a child can have it's challenges and the perception of others on this relationship can be troublesome - but if you really loved him than those things would be something you would willingly overcome.

    I don't see this lasting - his priority should be his child and it should concern him with how his romantic relationships would affect his kid. I think before partaking in any relationship with a single parent there should be more thought of the consequences to the child - it isn't something that should be jumped into right away.

    As for the age difference - I'm 6 years younger than my husband, but we started dating in my mid twenties. Being in a serious relationship at 19 isn't something I would really recommend. You're young, everything you could be experiencing, your boyfriend already has. In my opinion you should experience everything life has to offer independently before committing yourself to any one person. Who knows what opportunities are passing you by?

    Good luck.

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  • i don't see one thing wrong with it, my fiancee is 8 years my senior, and yes I think my family may have some small issues with it, but my oppinion and his are the only ones that matter to me

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  • 19 and 29 is a bit significant only due to the fact that he has a kid and can go places you cannot...basically he's got different experiences than you have. The problem is you still have some maturing and growing to do. How long have you been seeing him? Do you know his son? Are you a big partier or looking forward to being able to party a lot? How is he like?

    It's not impossible to have it work out but as I said before, it depends.

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    • I've met his kid and we've been together abt a year now and he doesn't mind if I go to parties and stuff

    • Show All
    • Good set of questions there, shlei

    • What do I think? You will always have a part in the kids' life whether he lives with his dad or not. The thing is, I think that only time will tell how things will go.

  • I will give you my pov. I am attracted to older guys, I typically date late 20's to mid-late 30's. I like that they are a lot more mature than guys my age, they know what they want in life, they are financially and psychologically stable, so in that sense I completely understand you but I don't date people that have already been married or that have children because that is a decision that I wasn't involved with, besides, kids are a HUGE responsibility,it's not fair for him to say that he wants you to be the mother!, what about your dreams?, that's a question that shows inconsideration to wards your dreams, aspirations and your career!.

    Once you go to College, you will experience sooo many things and it will make you grow soo much but think about all the effort that you will be putting towards school so that in the end you end up having to mother someone's kid... I know this answer is really harsh but I am going into my last year of College and let me tell you that college gets really hard towards your 3rd and 4th years, is it really hard and putting myself and all my efforts in your situation... it's a picture that I don't like.

    I would say that if at the end of College, when you graduate, if you guys are still together and if that is what you want, then go ahead, you'll be happpy but don't commit to something that you might not agree with in 3-4 years because take my word that College will change you.

    I'm sorry if I was harsh... didn't mean to

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    • I totally understand what ur saying

  • Since you're of age to make decisions yourself, I think you should do what your heart tells you, not what your mother suggests or what people in society approve of

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  • Not at all! Keep it going :)

    My parents are 13 years apart...

    Two of my friends (we are 21) are going out with 29/30 year olds! They don't have kids, but one of them has just got a house with her bf!

    Age gaps are fiiiine...

    Just look at Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas... 25 years x

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  • You will probably change your mind by then. I just talked to my cousin today and she's 21 and she told my 19 sister that she will be a totally different person by the time she's her age. It's quite odd only considering she's three years older. You and this guy are on different stages of your life, and it could work maybe and maybe not. I think it would be better to ask yourself this question and ponder on it a long time rathar then ask people who don't know you or him on a personal level. People go through many changes in thier life so you need to stay with him for awhile and go through some life changes before you can see if he works for you. Hope that helps!

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  • Okay, i`m sorry to say this but it seems like you live in a big fantasy world. 10 years is way too much when you are 19. He is expecting so much more from a relationship than you might be, and evencoming directly out of university I don`t think you are ready for marriage. Expecially when he has a kid, if you get married he will need to stay home and take care of his kid when you want to go out to bars and clubs! It is just a terrible idea in my opinion.

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    • This is a total nonsense. So, according to you and other answerers, just because you're 19, you want to spend your nights partying. I'm 19 too, not at all inclined to bars, rather attracted by other guys, looking for LTRs with mature guys. But I'm not yet ready to marriage and kids and I think I wouldn't fall for a man burdened by divorce or kids, which I think is anyway something risky, no matter how old you are.

  • i don't think it matters at all as long as you love eachother.. unless of course your underage then that would be a diff story

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  • I think they're silly. Love beats age. Love comes in many forms ages, races, everything..

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  • If you love each other then you can't change that.

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  • Old people are hot.

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  • I had a friend who dated a 29yr old when she was 19.It was a big age gap too. At first, she liked having someone older. Then he started wanting to get ultra serious and move in together which freaked her out. He was also very controlling-he didn't want her going out with her friends so I barely saw her when she was with him. Jealous too-she couldn't talk to any other man either.She became more withdrawn and lost her confidence because she had to be at his beck and call. Now she would not go out with an older guy if you paid her. In fact, she's dating a guy her own age now.

    So these are the potential risks of dating someone 29 when you're only 19. I'm not saying its always like that but it defo can be! Plus you're starting college so you shouldn't miss out on the party scene just because you're dating him. And your social life. You should be going to clubs and societies in college! If he didn't have the kid, I might consider dating him but he does so its a big fat NO from me.Way too complicated! Its not just about age here-he wants marriage, has a child and presumably wants more. Which is the more pressing concern for me. So just end it now.

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  • I think that they are none of my business.

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  • First, you are an adult and none of us, nor your mom can make that decision for you. That said, I think there is less an issue of the number of years than the developmental stages of those years. There is an enormous difference between 19 and 29 and, say, 35 and 45. I'm always really suspicious, personally of older men at that age being with young girls. It's the kind of thing you can't really appreciate at 19 (I know I wouldn't have) but as someone older, it's unthinkable to imagine being with someone so young. (Would you date a 13 year old? Only a 6 year difference there, so you see my point.) Of course, there are always exceptions... But if I were in your position, I know MY mom would be freaking out. (And I would too if it were my daughter.) The question is also this: are you ready to be a mom to his child? Are you ready to sacrifice your youth at this point and put this child's needs ahead of your own? Because that is what you'd have to do. 19 is really young to be a mom...

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    • He made it clear that the child will not be involved in our relationship

    • Meaning that he doesn't really see this as going anywhere?

  • More than the age gap issue, I think the biggest problem here is that he has a kid, and as a father and being 29 years old, you're looking to settle with a girl who is mature enough to take responsability on "family" stuff, since he has a kid. Are you ready to be like a step-mother at this age? Think carefully. If it works out , then great however I still think you're a bit too young to experience being like a step-mother to a child. And if you stay withhim and it doesn't work out in the long run, a father and son's life would be affected badly, since people get attached .

    Think carefully ! By the way, this does not mean you have tostop talking to him! Explain it nicely, You can always talk to him after, always stay in touch, be friends, but not be inmvoled in such a complicated relationship .

    (:

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