How do you "stop looking"? Does that advice actually work?

What does that even mean?

You this really common dating advice "stop looking and he'll find you"
Does that work?
And would you actually do that? The only reason I'd stop looking really would be to find someone.

I'm happy in general. I have great friends, I'm involved in sport in charities and I love what I'm studying but one thing I've never had is a boyfriend. And I'm 21 now, I begin to really want that, but it's just not happening for me. And sometimes I get really sad because of that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's total bull but it's well intentioned bull. When people say stop looking what they mean is stop worrying. Stop letting marriage and boyfriends and dating be the center of your life. Let you be the center of your life and go do the things you want to do. And that's when he'll come. Not because you're not looking but because you have blossomed into a desirable woman. A woman who is happy doing what she loves and being who she is. A woman that doesn't feel like she's missing anything. And desirable men can recognize desirable women. There's no guarantee but if your doing it right you won't care.


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What Guys Said 4

  • No, it doesn't. It really is the stupidest advice ever.

    When you stop looking, usually what happens is you actually STOP looking and literally decrease your chances of finding someone. You are literally in no better position than before.

    Then you end up actually getting USED to not looking, and prefer the solitude because your brain gets used to the loneliness, hell, you even secretly start to prefer it in this sick kind of way.

    Don't follow that advice, it's really stupid and usually given by people who are already in relationships and have no problems finding people.

    • Well what would you advise instead then?

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    • Hey I do enjoy my sollitude.

      But im productive. I rather improve my skills on guitar and such than sit around in a room staring at a wall with another person.

    • How long have you been single. Be honest.

  • When people say "stop looking" they mean stop aggressively searching out for some guy. It doesn't mean "sit in your house and wait for a knock on the door"

    I think you're doing all you can at this point. Just be open and friendly with the guys you encounter in your sport and charities and school. Initiate conversations.

    • well what would qualify as "aggressively searching" then?
      I am open and friendly, but somehow nothing ever grows out of it. Maybe I also should have mentioned that girls vastly outnumber guys in those activities

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    • I am 21.
      I did try online dating for a while and went on loads of dates, but I really only liked one and he didn't like me.

    • You have PLENTY of time. I'd keep up with the online dating, and getting out where more guys are. It's bound to happen.

  • Of course it doesn't work. You have to actively look and be open and make sure everyone knows what you like and that you're single. Be noisy as fuck.

    • In the interim, if you're hot, I can be your e-bf :)

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    • well I would think that would come across as kinda desperate and ass you said noisy and annoying

    • Not really. Just get the word out. Don't be obnoxious lol.

  • No, it doesn't work at all.


What Girls Said 2

  • I'm exactly the same as you! It's funny cause I was never looking before and nothing happened, so does that mean I have to want to be looking but not looking?

    It's such a confusing expression, I think it could be interpreted as "stop trying so hard", but then what does that mean? Cause I wasn't trying at all before either

    One of lifes many conundrums!

    • I know, right it doesn't make any sense.

      And I'm never looking during the summers, because I go to college far away and still nothing

  • Exactly like you! I'm wondering what everyone will say.