Is lack of confidence the only thing holding me back? Am I too hard on myself?

I'm 18, never had a real girlfriend. Never had my first kiss, obviously virgin. As time goes by my desire of being In a relationship grows stronger.
All my friends have girlfriends even tho I used to be the one that received more attention from girls.
As I grow from a cute kid to a man I feel like I'm not so pretty anymore and that all the girls that ever loved me thought that I was pretty and since I don't think girls still like my looks, because this girl I loved didn't like me back no matter how hard I tried and its been a while since a girl told me I was cute, my self esteem is really low.
The fact that I don't have much experience with girls also contributes to this idea that I'm garbage and don't even deserve a girlfriend because I would probably mess everything up.
Am I being too hard on myself? What can I do to regain more confidence? Should I try to meet more girls even tho I consider most girls to be out of my league? I also think that my low self esteem makes a lot of girls look out of my league even if they re not.
Would I be more likely to have a girlfriend, a wife, get laid, whatever, If I had more confidence in my


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Most Helpful Girl

  • reading this is crazy, this is exactly what my life is like! but with boys not girls, obviously, haha. In my opinion, I've been told the same two reasons over and over. 1) I'm too intimidating (which i find hard to believe)
    and 2) that my complete and utter lack of confidence shows on the outside, and is a put off to the opposite sex.
    I personally think the exact same things about myself, the whole "I'm garbage and don't even deserve a girlfriend because I would probably mess everything up" is what I tell myself multiple times a day, and in my head it's sounds rational and explains why noone is interested it me, but reading it on here as someone else's thought process just seems so ridiculous! Of course you deserve love! Everyone does! I honestly think you are being far too hard on yourself, and you need to boost your self confidence. If going to the gym makes you feel confident, do it. If buying new clothes makes you feel confident, do it! Confidence is one of the most attractive features in a man, so get out there, put yourself out there, and you might be surprised. goodluck sugar xxx

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    • Thanks a lot :D
      sad to hear that you're in the same situation, but if it makes you feel better, not very confident girls are cute, at least that's what a lot of guys think. But if you really feel like its holding you back, try to be a bit more confident. Good luck to you too

    • I know I know, I really should take my own advice hey haha. Being confident is difficult though, especially after a lifetime of put downs. I hope all goes well for you, you sound like a really fab guy and you definitely do deserve someone to love and to love you back :) x

What Girls Said 2

  • Ok key one... Girls find it a turn on when a guy is confident. When a girl sees a guy confident, she would want to show him off.. If you know what I mean. Yes your confidence is holding you back big time, but still time to change it. Go to YouTube and look up simple pickup. That should get you started! Hope this helped. Remember... Type in " SIMPLE PICKUP"

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  • Much as I used to hate hearing that myself, try to find an engaging hobby and you won't even notice that you're missing a relationship. Never been in one either. Hell, I haven't been asked out since elementary school.

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    • I'm all for finding engaging hobbies, Slavanna. I might disagree with you about not noticing that you're missing a relationship, to a certain extent.

      By the way, why do you think you haven't been asked out since elementary school, Slavanna?

    • I don't know. Probably there was no chemistry between me and any guy, the usual stuff.

    • Its not like all I think about is being in a relationship, I have more hobbies than I should have. I don't think that's the problem. I just want to fall in love because its been a while since the last time, and this time I want to be able to make things work, make someone feel special and hopefully for me to feel loved too

What Guys Said 1

  • You say you used to be the one who received more attention from girls. What do you think changed? Why don't you think you are physically attractive anymore?

    "...this girl I loved didn't like me back no matter how hard I tried..."

    I say this with kindness, asker, but there was nothing you could have done to influence her to like you back. There was no feat, no hat trick, no good deed that could have made her reciprocate your feelings. People either are, or they are not, attracted to someone. It might not be because of your looks. Besides, even if you are physically attractive, that doesn't mean everyone will find you attractive. Again, I say this with kindness, try to understand that most requests for a date end with a rejection, and most first dates don't lead to second dates, and most second dates don't lead to a relationship, and so forth. Being rejected is part of being a member of the human species.

    "my self esteem is really low...I'm garbage and don't even deserve a girlfriend...I consider most girls to be out of my league...my low self esteem makes a lot of girls look out of my league..."

    I can't help but wonder if these thoughts are contributing to women not being attracted to you. I believe that having more confidence in yourself could very well contribute to you becoming more attractive.

    Now that we've addressed your attitude, perhaps we could address your appearance. What are you doing to make yourself look more attractive? Let's also talk about life situation. What are you doing to make your life attractive to others? What are you doing to make yourself interesting?

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    • As I said, I think growing up is what makes me not think I'm physically attractive anymore because maybe I had this kinda cute face and now I have a mans face that is not so cute, also I'm very skinny and don't have any muscles. People sometimes say I look like a zombie because I am kinda pale and I was even asked if I was feeling ok in a hospital once just because of my pale face. I'm also still in puberty I think, so I have acne.
      as to what I'm doing to make myself look more attractive, I do some push ups everyday which may not seem much but to me its a big deal but its hard for me to get 10 push ups done right because i have really weak arms although my legs are okay so I'm just trying to raise that number by trying everyday. I also have some medicine for acne and stuff like that.

      as to what makes my look interesting... That's a hard question, I never really thought about. Can you give me some help on how to answer it?

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    • Nothing wrong with that, i just Don't know if i should Change myself just to be more interesring

    • If a fairy godmother came and offered to change you, assuring you it would be for the better, wouldn't you do it? Don't you want to improve yourself? Isn't becoming a more interesting person a change for the better? Wouldn't becoming more confident also be a change? Wouldn't it be a change for the better?

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