Arranged marriage. How do I get out of it?

I'm a Pakistani Muslim, but I've lived in America my whole life. My parents are extremely strict; like I can't even talk to boys. I always do It anyways. I'm in love with the thought of love; I told my mom that. My mom had an arranged marriage, and she told me that no guy is going to trip off his feet for you Sabrina (that's my name) there's no such thing as love. And she was completely serious. My parents will disown me if I don't get an arranged marriage; the same thing happened to my cousin. My parents are 100 percent against love marriages. What do I do about that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You'll have to make the hard choice of not being a part of the family anymore. But you have to ask is your happiness less important than their happiness. Because that's who you'd be sacrificing your happiness for- them. Ultimately this is YOUR life, and you only get one chance to live it. You can choose to live it for them or you can choose to live it for yourself, on your terms- but you can only choose one.

    Personally, I think a family that is willing to do that to their daughter isn't a family worth having. Being alone can be scary, but not living your life how you want because of fear, well I can't think of anything more horrifying than that. To live in fear of making our own choices, both our mistakes and our triumphs, is the ultimate repression of the human spirit at its core.

    I have found in my life that everything you hold dear, everything you own, everything you love, will eventually get taken from you sooner or later. It's inevitable. If not in life, in death, it all is taken from you. One day your family will be gone, and you will be left to live with the outcome of what you choose to do. Whatever love you find, you will either out live it or leave it behind in death. It is all temporary. Except for your word and your decisions. Nobody can take away your word, nobody can take away your free will. If you get into an arranged marriage, it will be your choice. You may choose it simply because you don't like the alternative, but it is a choice. Your word and the choices you make are the only things in this world that are yours to do with as you please, the only things that can't be taken away. In my opinion, that makes them to be more valuable than anything else in life.

    So don't sully your word or give away your choice. When you give your word you keep it, and when you are face with a decision you make sure it is YOUR decision.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Either you and/or your guy can convince them. Unless they get you back to Pakistan the laws & support system there (your profile says USA) will support you pretty much on what you want to do.

    End of the day you have to take a call if they don't agree :)

    You agree today and later you wind up not wanting to be with him and then you go through a lousy divorce and stuff (I don't mean to be negative, just opining on what I think is right), better put your foot down today :)

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  • Well im late to the party lol but anyways i guess someone else might use it if they have a similar problem

    Islam allows a woman to choose her spouse and if someone says otherwise then please inform them that the FIRST wife of the Prophet (pbuh) Hazrat Khadija (r. a) was a widowed woman who sent proposal for the Prophet (pbuh) herself and married him
    He was 20 while she was 40. She was a widow too

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  • im born and raised in america, and i just had an arranged marriage, it feels pretty strange. we are a good match and understand each other, but not in love yet. there is an attraction between us not just by looks, but the qualities in her. she told me the same thing. she is %100 arab and has a very different mindset then me when it comes to world views. we grew up in different environments and it was difficult to relate to each other at first, but i made big strides to make it work for my parents sake. because for me marriage = freedom since i get to break away from the watchful eyes of my parents. i know parents are tougher on girls more than guys but i might have been a special case, since my parents would not allow me to hang around my American friends for fear they would be a non Islamic influence. getting married meant i could live on my own and finally start a life, but the way i saw my marriage was growing together. after my marriage i found out my wife had similar issues with her parents growing up and was looking forward to marriage for the same reason as i was. i was forced into the marriage and so was she, i wanted to get married to a Muslim girl who was raised in america like me but i was not so lucky. but it does not mean that it hasn't worked out so far...
    just remember, the girl according to Islam always has the final say in marriage and if you do end up getting an arranged marriage than tell the imam know and you have Islamic power over your parents, tell them its a matter of future happiness.
    dont only view marriage as love ( i wanted the same thing), but as a means to gain freedom without losing your parents

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  • Let your parents disown you.. you can't be held to ransom by religion or parents. It is your life LIVE it x

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  • Well you're right fucked aren't you?

    What if it's a nice Pakistani Muslim boy your parents approve of? I'm sure you can find one, you'd have things in common too.

    Or you could ask your cousin for advice and follow in his/her footsteps. But that's going to be a lot of stress. I don't suppose there's any way you could make your parents see the light?

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  • Just say no, you literally have to make the words come out your mouth , tell them you just won't do it.

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  • Just get disowned.

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  • It sounds like you have to either comply with your family or decide to be disowned.

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  • Well it comes down to, are you willing to give up your parents, if they think it's not worth it

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  • just say hell no and go live with your cousin. Even though I would recconend It I don't think you as a woman could get an attorney in Pakistan to sue them.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Honestly your parents are not even following the religion. Pretty sure it's forbidden for parents to force their daughter/ son to marry someone without the consent of the person. It's a cultural issue which sucks. Talk to someone at a Mosque to see if they can get through to your parents. Or you can just move out.

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  • <333

    I mean, it comes down to that. You know that... You either go along with it or you get disowned. I know a Coptic girl who got disowned for similar kinda reasons. Idk. I'm really sorry <3

    I don't wanna be like encouraging you to forsake your culture or your family or nothing like that, I really don't, but like... in my opinion if your family are gonna do that to you, they aren't your family anyway.

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  • You have to choose now between your freedom and your family.
    But once the choice is made it can't be unmade. Which decision do you think will make you happiest in 5, 10, or 20 years?
    Good luck and God bless.

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  • My parents had an arranged marriage. They're divorce now. You have a choice. To love someone you want to, even if you parents disown you or to listen to them and be bitter
    Maye your mom doesn't believe in love because she's bitter?

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  • Runaway and go to a shelter for women. Start working on building a life for yourself. It's your life, don't let them live it for you.

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