Do I have to lower my standards for women if I am unattractive?

I have high standards for someone who isn't all that great himself. I'm looking to find the perfect girl (both looks and a great personality) but maybe this is too unrealistic for a guy like me. I think I'm slowly realizing that, but how can I just give up on my dreams? I want to find someone one day who will make me happy and if I lower my standards I feel like I won't be happy with my love life.

So I don't know what to do. Should I lower my standards because I know I'm not that great of a guy myself? Or should I just keep trying to find a girl that is probably better than me and out of my league?

Thanks for reading and leaving an opinion if you do, I really appreciate it. Thanks guys

  • Lower your standards
    60% (15)65% (13)62% (28)Vote
  • Don't lower your standards. Keep trying
    40% (10)35% (7)38% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never lower your standards, if you do that you will probably end up looking for her while being in a relationship. You won't be satisfied. I would just say be more open and work on yourself.

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What Girls Said 20

  • Nah don't lower your standards. As long as you are at least semi-realistic. Like you must understand that no one is likely going to fit ALL the ticks in the boxes but with that said, you must wait till you find the right girl and that right girl will be someone who you will just fall really hard for. Likely she will not be perfect but because there's this strong connection, you'll not even notice this and will accept her flaws. I'll never settle either. I want a guy who gives me butterflies and who I have a strong chemistry and connection with. To find this guy is hard. I can meet many incredible men but not feel that special spark which is sad. It makes me also want to lower my standards sometimes but then I realize that chemistry and all that is very important for a relationship. So rather wait a bit more.

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    • Well the thing is, every girl I have ever fallen for hasn't liked me back so I'm just a little concerned that maybe I won't find that girl I'm looking for

    • Well join the club! Unrequited love is very much common and happens to most people. Just hold up and be patient. Till then work on yourself and think of ways to improve yourself.

    • Yeah. I think that is best if I just not worry about it too much and worry about myself and my life for now. Thank you for your opinion. I appreciate it.

  • Well if you want someone perfect and don't consider yourself perfect, then yes, your standards are a bit too high. If you don't look like a 10, chances are you won't score a 10 etc. So maybe reconsider the type of woman you normally go after. Try going for some of the girls that you normally wouldn't go after. You never know, you might find a gem.

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    • Do you think I should still go after someone if there is no physical attraction?

    • Maybe. Idk. Physical attraction is a weird thing, to me at least. Like at first I might think some guy is average looking. But if I get to know more about him and find out that he's an amazing person, often becomes A LOT more attractive to me physically, to the point where I'm wondering what the hell I was thinking when I thought he looked average. It goes for people who are good looking theoretically but are also horrible personality-wise. They often become so much uglier to me when I find out that they're terrible.
      So I don't know how it works for you, but that's how it works for me. Although looks tend to be something that initially draws you in, it also might be something you learn to appreciate later on.

    • Exactly! I have felt that way before. Ses not gorgeous on the outside but is gorgeous on the inside thats what make meh fall for her *-*
      Luv can be tricky..

  • Never lower standards on morals and personality, there are enough good people about. We all gravitate toward people of equal attractiveness to ourselves so if you feel like you're an average looking guy aiming for amazing looks girls and firing blanks, spread your net a bit wider. An 'average' looking person become so much more attractive once you take their great personality into account. There are no perfect people in this world so don't aim for the unattainable, it will only leave you either disappointed or lonely :)

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    • I just feel like I only attract girls that I'm not into at all and I am attracted to girls who aren't attracted back to me

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    • I know I'm not after the model status girls. I'm just after girls I think are cute looking.

    • I think once you get to know somebody they will become more attractive to you, I know guys are notorious visual daters but if we all went on looks alone we'd never get anywhere. Give some girls a chance you normally wouldn't and see where it gets you, if there's a least a bit of attraction then go for it rather than keep holding out for the number 10s :)

  • Its nit realistic to want a 9 if you are a 4 or 5. People need to be realistic in their lives, or you are going to be one unhappy camper

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  • Nope. A lot of women dont always look at looks. Thats because more times than not there are men who are attractive and total douches. (Not true for every attractive male.) So a lot of women look more for personality. In the end, does she want a hot douche bag or a decent looking sweetheart? Its not all about looks.

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    • Well, I think looks still does play a big role

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    • Alright. I think I will just focus on my own life for now. Thank you for your opinion by the way I really appreciate it

    • No problem!:) If its meant to happen, it will happen. And if you do focus on your life, adding success to the picture doesn't help.

  • Yes. Goodlooking guys are just as picky as goodlooking girls.
    Kind of like you feel lucky if a beautiful butterfly chose to rest on your shoulder. You would probably flick off a caterpillar unless you were a butterfly who seems the butterfly in the caterpillar.
    Caterpillars don't have to wings to be facilitate being as picky as to where they are going to land like a butterfly does. Especially not without somebody flicking them off because they aren't as beautiful as the butterfly.

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  • Generally speaking, yes.
    If you're unattractive, don't expect an attractive partner.

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  • Don't you dare lowering your standards boy!

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  • Don't lower your standards, but recognize the perfect woman doesn't exist. We are just human with faults too. If there anything you can improve about yourself do it. For example if you are overweight tyhats something that will hinder you that you can work on

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  • I don`t know what is wrong with you. You seem attractive and nice. Just keep trying. What kind of girls are you looking for?

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    • I don't know if I can label them as a "kind" of girl exactly. I just want a really pretty and caring girl. Not sure how else to say it.

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    • Cute looking girls. Not like really hot or anything. But cute

    • I think that you can get a girl like that just keep trying. Go out more to liken your chances:)

  • Definitely lower your standards. Once you fall for someone's personality, you will become attracted to them even if they aren't model type. Believe me. Now that doesn't mean to go for someone with an amazing personality that looks like Fiona from shreck, but someone who you are somewhat attracted to at least but may not be extremely beyond model status. If you're not a ken, don't go for a Barbie.

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  • I have a feeling u are really shallow. I am sorry but that's the impression I get from you.

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    • Well I'm not ONLY looking for an attractive girl. It is true I do want a cute looking girl so I guess I'm a little shallow. But I also do look for some value in personality as well

    • I have seen the girls u go for and they tend to have a particular look. If you keep going for a certain look you are not opening yourself up to other great girls. You are solely focusing on looks but u need to start focusing personality as well. You don't need to lower your standards because you will meet be satisfied just be more open.

    • Okay I realised I didn't make sense so u typed it up again lol

      I have noticed you have a preference for a certain look, I think u are into blondes but correct me if I am wrong. If you keep going for a certain look you are not opening yourself up to other equally attractive girls. You don't need to lower your standards because you will never be satisfied but be more open minded. Allow yourself to focus on a girls personality and looks equally.

  • Looks aren’t everything so you should definitely lower your standards in that category because her personality should matter more to you than her looks. If its looks your looking for, there's a ton of “pretty” girls out there. However, it is not likely you will always find the full package, great looks, beautiful inside and out… its hard to find that nowadays.

    As far as your looks go, if your average that doesn’t mean you have to search for someone who is average. I don’t believe that if a guy is average looking, he can't get a beautiful girl. Sounds very shallow and untrue to me… “if you’re unattractive, don’t expect an attractive partner.” Says the most ignorant person ever.

    Trust me, you can get a beautiful girl who will think you’re attractive even if you’re not drop-dead gorgeous on the outside. It’s the inside that matters so much more! :)

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    • I think bubble trouble might be right though. How can I get someone beautiful if I'm not? Besides, looks matter to me too. It's not all about personality to me. I want her to be good looking :(

    • I think you misunderstood a bit. What I was saying was that its not true that if your average looking, you can't look for an attractive person. Also, I wasn't talking about Bubbletrouble.. i didn't even see her comment till now :P

  • If you settle, you're gonna be even more unhappy than when you're single - plus, chances are you're gonna actually pay money for this unhappiness. Let things flow, really. Don't think with standards, 1-10 scales, just what feels natural. Your intuition is the best guide.

    Look, I know how cheesy it sounds, but try it. I know it helped me.

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  • How about you just find a girl you're attracted to and let the rest flow naturally? ;)

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    • Well the issue is that, no girl I have found attractive likes me back the same way

    • I don't know then. I wouldn't lower your standards but maybe go on some dates with girls you find okay, not perfection and then see if everything else makes her more beautiful. I've met men that weren't really my type but I went on a date or two to see if there could potentially be a spark. One of them had so many great qualities he became very attractive as the relationship grew.

  • You are truly annoying. You are not perfect so you can't expect to have perfect partner.

    And stop whining: "I wish this isn't true. I wish we all could be born great ;;;((((" because what you wish does not matter. This is life and ypu need to learn how to be realistic. No one is perfect and not everyone can be born attractive.

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  • I would say work on being more attractive. Only if that is impossible, lower your standards.

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  • You attract the same type of person you are. If you're not all that great then why should someone who is great be with you?

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    • I see your logic but I wish it just wasn't true. I wish we could all just be born great

    • Well that may be so but that's not how reality works

  • If perfect is your standard, lower it.

    Nobody is perfect. Look for a girl you find attractive and get along with who is attracted to you and likes your company.

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  • Get an ugly girl and shape her to your needs. For example pay for her plastic surgery, her gym membership, and her expensive clothes. This involves you having money.

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    • GAHAHAHAHA

    • Hahaha, and BAM she leaves him.. So I would add a contract too.

    • Get a contract in case she leaves you. Just like Dzinder suggested. The dumber she is the better.

What Guys Said 18

  • Kinda. There's an important rule-of-thumb that I use. Simply put, don't expect any more than you are willing to give.

    So for instance, I have a thing for thin girls. A little less so nowadays.

    But the point is, I shouldn't expect it unless I myself am thin or fit. If a thin girl likes me, great. But it would be hypocritical of me to demand something I myself am not willing to fulfill.

    I generally take it so far as to say that, despite the fact that I want kids, if she doesn't then I'm fine with that. I can't carry a baby or give birth, ergo, I shouldn't demand it of her.

    It goes without saying that this applies to girls, too. You can't demand that a guy pay for you unless you would pay for him. You can only expect a guy to make as much as you. Anything extra is a bonus and you got lucky.

    But oftentimes, you might find that your standards ease up anyway. For instance, I went from underweight to borderline overweight in the past year, and I find myself LOVING curves.

    And the most important thing is this: "Perfect" is almost never perfect for YOU. Imagine solving a puzzle, and one of the puzzle pieces is a perfect square. If you are like any other puzzle piece, with curves and studs and such, your perfect puzzle piece will also have curves and studs and such that fits into yours.

    There's a difference between "perfect" and "perfect for you", and the older you get, the more your tastes match your needs.

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  • From your details, I have a feeling that you have less confidence on yourself than it should be. These girls don't go on looks as much as we guys run after.
    Go to the gym, have some physical attraction rather than just sitting under a tree and waiting for the ripped mango to fall. Make yourself more confident, and try to talk to as many girls as you can. Boost up your confidence. Dont run after these girls run after your hobbies and passion. There are good looking girls who will find the maturity and the skills inside you. Confidence is the key my dear friend.
    These girl need us to take care of them and only a confident (not good looking) guy who is insecure and love himself can do.
    All the best. Remember Confidence!!!

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  • As a man I'm going to be honest: If you look like butt please, PLEASE lower your standards. There is no point to talking about "dreams" and shit when you know you are completely ill-equipped. I mean it's like dreaming of being a sculptor with no limbs; is it possible? Yes. Is it likely without ridiculous amounts of effort? No.

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    • But it is still possible. I think some things are worth fighting for though. Even with ridiculous amounts of effort

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    • I'm just fucking weird. That is all 😊

    • lol, it's okay, it's okay. We all know that you're not odd it's just an off day.

  • You are unattractive? That is a major problem that nobody in the entire history of mankind has ever overcome. Sorry, fella.

    Seriously, if you are going to fish with crappie bait then you should expect to catch crappie. In nature the males of a species are typically the ones with all of the beautiful colors while the women are just dull because they don't need to prove anything. Humans are a bit more complex than that but we must still have colorful attributes to attract a mate. You need to be physically fit and happy with where you are at in life and that is all there is to it.

    Females are watching you ALWAYS. They will notice you take care of your body and that you are confident and happy and they will gravitate toward you. Some may even approach you first. Trust me, when that happens you are going to be flattered out of your mind no matter if the fit your "standards" or not.

    Also, I just want to mention that we all age and become loose-skinned and wrinkly. It isn't very attractive but by then you will be relying more on your charming personality than your looks.

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  • I don't think any girl is "out my league" or "better than me" I go for w/e I want. Just my 2 cents.

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    • No, just because a woman is better looking than you doesn't mean she is better as a human being. she's just better looking. If you are pursuing beautiful women with that entitlement and aren't beautiful yourself you aren't going to get far. Because entitlement=ugly personality.

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    • i did no such thing. Stop blowing smoke, red

    • Can u guys message eachother instead of talking here? It's just a pain in the ass with all the tabs i gotta keep opening and closing for the notifications. Thanks

  • You don't have to lower your standards necessarily. Personality can carry a loooong way. I don't consider myself to be more than average but I have consistsntly dated girls that I would classify as 8-10's. Another thing that helps immensely is studying. Study how women think, how they act, what they are saying when they speak, what they like and want from us as guys. If you think you understand women just fine, you probably don't. Most guys understand very little. They are very different than us. Its not complicated but different.

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  • You don't have to lower your standards so much as you have to make yourself more open to girls who you find less attractive than the ones you prefer. You don't have to stop going for the attractive girls, if you like a girl then go for her. If you ask me, most girls can look pretty if they want to anyway, it all depends on how they present themselves, how hard they work on their appearance, and if they find that right look, just some girls have an easier time looking pretty than others do.

    And there's a problem if you think that there are girls out of your league, I call bullshit when people pull the "out of your league" card. Nobody is out of your league, and if they say they are then they're not worth your time anyway.

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  • Why is there no "I should better myself" option? That's what I would have voted for.

    Could you up your game, physically and emotionally? What about your looks do you think you could improve? What about your social skills do you think you could improve?

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    • The only thing I can change about my looks are my body which I am doing but I can't change my face at all :( which is more important. I also can't change my height either.

      My social skills are good. I can approach women with confidence and say hey whatsup or how's it goin? Doesn't really matter tho if I'm not good looking. The only women who talk to me are ones I am not interested in

    • With respects: wrong. You can change your face to a small extent. Your hair style. Your hygiene. Your teeth.

      As for your body, it's good that you're doing what you can to change it for the better. See how that pans out. How tall are you?

      Perhaps there's more to it than just confidence in your approach. How interesting are you? What are you doing to find women you would be attracted to?

      By the way, based on the responses from the ladies, it's possible your standards aren't all that unreasonable.

  • Dont settle if thats not what you want man, look at it like this... Girls are always reminding us that theyre all different and can't / shouldn't be generalised right? Theyre right, theyre not all the same dude. Which means not all the hottest girls will be obsessed with looking good, not all will be "air heads" or stuck up. Some may care about some real shit you know like humanity or the environment, some might be looking at men for what they can offer emotionally or what life goals they may have. In other words a guy's looks may not be all that important to them. Just keep looking if you want, be smart in terms of where you look but dont give up if you dont to

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  • Lower your physical standards a bit...but don't budge at all on the personality / character standards!

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  • Reading some of the comments I think it's reasonable to hold out for someone you're physically attracted to. I think it's important.

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  • The hottest girls usually end up being a bunch of c**ts... the goal is to shoot for the ugly duckling who had to develop a personality early on to survive high school, then blossomed into a 6 or better.

    Now go find one!

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  • Standards are a perception of what people think ideals dont exist in any walk of life so the answer is no my old mate!

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  • Get more awesome until the girls who come at you are ones you want.

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  • Don't lower your standards, keep trying

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  • Try visiting Russia. You'll see a lot of scruffy dudes with fine women.

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  • Drop on looks as long as sex with her seems very appealing. Go for treats you well and has a high drive.

    IMHO.

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