Why do men not like shy, reserved women?

I was recently dating this guy, we talked online for about a month - video chatted an texted he was great we had a lot in common loved talking to each other. We met and spent a few weeks of time together - cumulatively - and he gave me the brush off. He finally told me that he thought he'd be attracted to my shy, reserved personality, but it just didn't do it for him. I have encountered this quite a lot. What is the deal?

Updates:
To clarify...I was in the process of moving home during the first month but the time spent was in person. I am also not the Typical reserved shy girl who won't talk or participate in activities and such.
Essentially I'm not the loud, all over the place, partier type.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My favorite type of women to be honest, they make the best girlfriends by far. I've dated the high energy, high strung, super sociable girls and it never works out between me and them. They're usually into partying, drinking, etc. Shy, reserved women are really, really attractive to me but I do of course expect her to open up and get comfortable with me after we've been dating for a while. From your update, it seems like you're great, if you're engaging and open to doing things with the guy, I see no problem. Make sure you're not coming off as cold and/or disinterested and that you warm up to the person eventually. I don't see how you can be boring. Shy/reserved doesn't mean lack of personality, its just a certain type of disposition. I think you're fine, you just need to find the right guy, we all have our types.

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    • And by things I mean dates, activities, etc.

    • Right! I am the type who loves to go and do etc but Just don't like to feel like a derp (for lack of a better description) and embarrass myself before I know the person well enough to not feel like I want to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment lol.

    • I think you're fine, that guy seemed like a douchebag. Ignore anyone else who thinks you're boring. I'm more of a homebody for example, definitely an introvert, but I have unique hobbies and my job requires me to be very sociable. Like I said before, it just takes the right type of person to be with you, almost like a lock and key :)

What Guys Said 10

  • Quiet and reserved (introverted) people aren't boring, and aren't always so quiet and reserved I've found. If you feel the right connection and the right amount of comfort you open up with the person, and you can be quite bubbly. Its just gotta be with the right people.

    My gf and I are both normally quite/shy/reserved people. I find it easier to talk to strangers but rarely feel like putting in the effort to talk to someone new, she says less, but puts in the effort more often.

    Either way, our first date we talked together non stop for about 7 hours. We both go out a fair bit together, a hell of a lot more then we did separately, but are ok with being alone in a crowd together.

    I think you dodged a bullet to be honest, but you are going to have your work cut out for you if you are attracted to loud outgoing types and expect to be seen as an equal and not something they own.

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  • I think it can be much more work for the guy and some people are lazy. If she's really shy she might be afraid of offering up any opinion, starting a conversation, making decisions, etc. That can be exhausting if the girl never really opens up. That being said, I've dated shy girls and they were always worth the effort.

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  • I have absolutely no problems with shy girls. They are adorable.

    But what I discovered after my shy years of school was that people didn't actually have a problem with me. I actually went back and asked them about it. They said that since I didn't talk much, it was hard to read if I was nervous, annoyed, or just shy. Some thought I was put off by their attempts at befriending me.

    I discovered this was also the case with girls I liked. They seemed put off by my presence or interest. I discovered that these girls had actually developed a crush on me, and so they were shy around me, but none of their friends or other guys.

    That was a huge sigh of relief to me. Personally, I think Elliot Rodger would have discovered this for himself if he wasn't so busy hating the planet.

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  • I like shy girls better. there's more mystery with them, and it makes me feel good when I can get a shy girl to open up with me. I think though it can get boring if she never does get better or open up at least a little bit, it would make me feel like she isn't that interested.

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  • They can be difficult to connect with. Their quietness can be misconstrued as indifference or disinterest. It can be awkward trying to hangout with someone who's giving off the vibe that they don't really want to be there.

    I'm the same way as you - quiet, reserved - so I know what a pain it must be.

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  • I actually kind of like shy girls I am shy myself so I want a girl who is like me.

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  • It's extremely boring.

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  • I like both shy and energic women.

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  • my appeal in them would be that they come off as polite and respectful instead of bitchy and obnoxious... a more pleasant personality to get along with and appreciate.

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  • cuz they're boring. sorry.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Same reason women don't like shy reserved men?

    Lol what sort of question is this? The guy didn't like you and he's not obligated to.

    You don't have to be a party girl to be interesting. You met up, talked etc. and he found you to be too boring for his taste and there's NOTHING wrong with that.

    Different strokes for different folks.

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