I'm a 27 year old guy who is quite emotional and sensitive (which are rare traits for men), but by no means a pushover because I can be the toughest man when the situations demands. Also, I absolutely HATE the fact that even in this era where gender roles have changes so much, men are still expected to ALWAYS make the first move, and women assume that men are mind readers who can find out if the women like them or not.
Having got that part out of the way, here is my issue. I have absolutely no problems befriending women and being close with them, which I believe is due to my impeccable sense of humor (because I don't suppose I'm that good looking). I keep getting closer to her, but if she even shows the slightest disinterest in me (or something related to me) or I find out that I don't fit into her description of an ideal partner (I can easily make women reveal their expectations without making it obvious that I'm interested), I stop considering her as a potential partner from that moment itself, and begin seeing her purely as a friend. And I don't even regret this later on. I'm sure its got to do with me being sensitive. I consider a rejection by a woman as a huge personal insult (I know this is wrong, but I can't help it). This feeling is compounded by the constant feeling I have that women have it so easy with dating because men do all the hard work, and women don't even have to raise a finger.
Ladies: If you show a slight disinterest in a man you're close with or if he doesn't fit into your expectations of an ideal partner, would you immediately reject him if he wanted to date you, or would you give him a chance to see how it goes?
Guys: Have you ever been in a situation where a woman didn't seem too interested in you, but still agreed to date you and your relationship was actually a success?
P.S. I have been in a couple of relationships, and in both cases the women asked me out. I have never asked anyone out due to fear of rejection.
Most Helpful Girl
First, I hope that something changes your attitude about women regarding "Men do all the work". They way you wrote that so In a good relationship, both partners do the same amount of work to keep it going. In a dead-end relationship, one person, whether male or female, is doing all of the work, which ultimately leads to that person feeling undervalued, insecure, etc.
Now, regarding your direct question: "Ladies: If you show a slight disinterest in a man you're close with or if he doesn't fit into your expectations of an ideal partner...", I would say to you that the truth is, sometimes there is an attraction of a romantic nature and sometimes just as a friend & there is nothing wrong with that. If you are just "befriending" women you would hope to date, & then using that friendship to feel them out about whether they will date you, that from the very get-go is sort of dishonest. Personally, I would not date someone I didn't feel attracted to in some way, and it mostly has just been about chemistry, at least for me. Some of the men I have dated, and indeed have had long-term relationships with, aren't the best looking chaps but there was just that something about them I liked and felt attracted to. Women may talk about their "ideal" partner, but honestly, that's just talk, and that is true for men, too. Many people I know have fallen heads over heels in love with someone they NEVER thought they would based on what they "usually went for" or "their tastes".
Lastly, I sincerely hope you are able to get over the fear of rejection you say you possess. I would say the only way to do this is to think about how this fear manifested in you...try to trace back moments in your past that may have contributed to your developing this fear. Just as with anything else, if you wait for something to happen TO you, you'll probably be waiting a very, very long time, just waiting for that lucky thing. Only you can make things happen for yourself in any area of life. Good luck u!0
Most Helpful Guy
You seem to know a lot about women's behaviour: I would appreciate your opinion on this does this woman like me why does she try to talk and then completely ignore me? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1030979-girls-what-is-best-in-this-situation0