In love with a player. Any tips on how to get over it?

Okay, so I've liked this guy (lets call him fabio) for about five consecutive years, but he had never given me the time of day. Well this past year he actually started hitting on me, I've even slept with him, but thats it. we just sleep. Now when i say this guy is a player i mean it. Different girl every night. I just dont understand his motives. You would think that if he just wanted to have sex with me he would have already, he's had plenty of opprotunities. He says he likes me and that i "interest him" but he refuses to take the next step. The whole situation has just made my feelings grow and im scared that he's just gonna drop me one day. So should i just stop conversation with him now? Stop seeing him? Or am i the girl that could keep him grounded? Maybe he's just scared, i dont know.. I really do like him though, alot. I dont know what to do. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, dude sounds toxic to you. I would cut communication and move on. You say you've liked him for like 5 years but he's never given you the time of day. So I assume this is purely a physical attraction thing for the most part. I mean, you can't really know the guy that well given those types of circumstances. Your attraction is understandable though, since you said different girl every night, the guy must be pretty damn attractive in general.

    That being said, you should still cut and run. Clearly you're just some temporary interest that he will discard once he gets bored. If he was the relationship type, it wouldn't be a different girl every night. He's posses a particular degree of emotional danger to you specifically because he's not just after the sex. His need for you isn't genuine, but it's definitely deeper than just a physical fling. Those are often the most damaging types of interactions, emotionally speaking. Trust me on that, I know first hand.

    A physical fling, they get what they want (sex) and then ditch you. It's short lived and fairly straight forward- easy to get over. People that are after something more, filling some emotional need, are essentially using you in a much more personal way which is much more damaging. They get you wrapped up around your finger then continue to suck as much out of you emotionally as they can because it fills that need, whatever it may be. There's no real end goal to that, they will just keep on using you until you're empty. They will keep pushing till you fold, then try to find a way to pull you back from that ledge, so they can keep using you.

    I don't necessarily think it's pure malevolence, just a high degree of self centered selfishness that drives that behavior. Confusion tends to be their best weapon because it keeps people off balance. The person doesn't know where that person stands, and they aim to keep it that way. Keeps the illusion of hope alive.

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    • poses*

      Also, the part about him discarding you when he gets bored could take a very very long time if you continue to fill whatever role he wants you to fill. What seems pretty obvious though is that he's not looking for the relationship type, so that ain't the role.

    • you're absolutely right. Thank you. That was really helpful to hear it so logically. Now to go through the process of trying to get him out of my heart/mind.

    • I understand, I spent the better part of 4 years being caught up in such a situation. I don't necessarily regret it because I learned a LOT about relationships and myself, but it definitely went on way longer than it should have. I won't go into all the details since 4 years is a long time to try and summarize, but needless to say I know where you're coming from, and having ended contact with said person for a couple years now I can also say it was undoubtedly the right choice. One I should have engaged in much sooner.

What Guys Said 5

  • Your being played, this is why you feel as if your the girl that will make him settle. Don't you think that he makes every girl feel like that, why would you be different, you need to open your eyes and realise, your just another girl to this guy, you would truly know if he was genuine with you, you wouldn't have to question it, but as you are, then your being played, be warned, x

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  • Seriously? Walk away. According to *you*, he is literally the "different girl every night." You think you're magical, that you out of all women will make him settle and be happy? Walk away, find a good guy to date.

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  • Don't drop him. He's not treating you like the other girls because to him, you're different somehow. For whatever reason, he takes you way more seriously.

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    • I like your answer. But the dude above has a point too. Its just all so confusing.

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    • Im just stupid for thinking I could actually be that girl.

    • You already are. If he wanted sex, he would have taken it by now.

  • There are more fish in the sea. Explore all possibilities.

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  • You are confused about being with a player.. Instead of dating someone who actually will love u.

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    • Look i know its stupid alright? I know I could have somebody different who would actually love me for me. I was just holding on to the false hope that maybe he could. You can't say youve never wanted somebody who didn't want you back.

    • Well, i have.. But thats not love hun, its a crush.. i honestly think you are too beautiful to be thinking about this dickhead, there are other guys who would die to be with you.

What Girls Said 1

  • He obviously doesn't like you

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    • Then why stay

    • good question. my brain realizes how stupid i am but my heart is just being a jerk and trying to keep me from letting him go. I wouldn't like him if i could help it

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