If you have a hard time getting in relationships, would you stay in one even if you're unhappy?

I'm in a relationship that I am very unhappy in. He is very controlling and doesn't let me do anything. Any time I've said I want to break up, he tells me I am too ugly to ever find someone else so I might as well stay with him.

Sometimes I feel he is right. I mean this is my first relationship and I am 27. That's proof I am ugly. No one gets in a first relationship at 27. Plus I was still a virgin. So is it better to stay in an unhappy relationship if you're too ugly to meet anyone else?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I do have a tendency to hang on past its expiration date.
    I'll think, "We can work this out, we can get past this," but in reality, I've simply worn out my welcome (which I apparently do quite often) and I'm left holding onto something that's trying trying trying to break free.
    This is something I only realize AFTER it's over, when I'm able to look back and analyze the situation without emotion.
    I haven't figured out what the real issue is yet, but I haven't given up the search...

    Is it better to stay in an unhappy relationship?
    I don't think so.
    Regarding your specific situation?
    GET OUT, if that's how things really are.
    Having fewer relationships isn't proof that you're ugly, it's only proof that you haven't had any other relationships. There are many reasons people don't have relationships. I haven't had one in 3 years, and I don't think I'm ugly.

    My advice... get out.
    Make yourself happy, don't stay because you think you can't do any better - you're better off alone than with someone who constantly cuts you down.

    • Thank you for MH!
      I wish you the best!


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What Guys Said 4

  • If you dumped him you would feel a lot better about yourself. You can find someone that will treat you well, no matter what you look like. The guy might not be as good looking as your current guy, but you can find someone else. Not only can you find someone else, you can find a guy that will treat you a lot better.

    • He isn't even good looking, I only go for men in my league. He's very overweight, and has only gained a lot more since we got together. I find it unattractive but I always told myself that since I am in my late 20s I would take any guy who wants me otherwise I am a hypocrite.

    • You wouldn't be a hypocrite for dumping him for mistreating you, so ditch the loser.

  • Nonsense. Leave that loser. Any guy who tells you you'll never find someone else is worried you'll leave him. His insults are attempts to crush your self-esteem so you'll stay.

  • No if im in a relationship where im not happy and its not just a passing thing but a long and continuing unhappiness then no I would not stay I would move on.

  • Many people get their first relationships at 30+. Welcome to the new age, yo.

    • Hardly.

    • Show All
    • Not around here. Most people I know were married either straight out of High School or College. I was the last remaining single friend in my group, and they all moved on. One of my friends was married and had a baby at 18.

    • So? "Around here" isn't the big ol' world. Time to fly the coop instead of living out some empty miserable fairy tale based on some nonsensical keeping up with the Jones'.

What Girls Said 5

  • First off, you are not ugly! I used to think the same type of thing as I'd never had a serious relationship until I was 32. I thought I was too weird, too picky, and to quote an idiot, "not the type of girl guys date". I didn't meet anybody until I was ready. When I loved myself as I was, flaws, cellulite, weirdness, and all, I found a great guy. Repeat! You are not ugly! You just need to love yourself more! Happiness brings more happiness!
    Second, he is using your insecurity against you. If you are so ugly, why did he date you? He's the ugly one and as you say, controlling. He knows that if you feel secure and confident in yourself, he'll lose you. That is why he calls you ugly, so he can control you. He's putting you down to make himself feel better and that's a douchey, immature thing to do. Break up with him now!!! Your unhappiness is not worth a sh***y relationship. You are in control of your life and you can choose to be happy. It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it.
    In the immortal words of RuPaul, " If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love someone else?"

  • I'm sure you can meet someone else, try and put yourself out there and get to know more people. Looks are only a small factor in why someone choose to date another. I'm sure you are a wonderful person and a lot prettier than you think. Everyone is always more critical of themselves than the way others really see them. If he is saying such hurtful things to you, chances are it will be very difficult for him to find someone long term than it would for you. Sometimes people put others down so they feel shy approaching, talking to, or considering leaving for someone else.

  • No u shouldn't stay him telling u those things is part of him being controlling you should leave him now why u are still able because him beingccontrolling is just the beginning who knows where it will lead from there

  • I'm 26 years old and I've chosen to remain single because I haven't found someone I want a relationship with.. I'm also a virgin because I'm waiting until marriage.. How is that proof that someone is ugly? lol.
    I'd like to say that he's the only problem here because he's obviously an emotionally abusive insecure dbag.. but no offense, you're not acting very smart if you fall for crap like that? Come on, tell me one reason you should stay with him?
    It's better to be single than to be abused. There is nothing wrong with being single haha.

  • You have yourself, for the rest of your life. You shouldn't ever be dependent on another person to make you complete or whole.
    I am divorced and I will never settle again. The pain from settling is far greater than being a free bird. The world is my oyster. And I never saw it this way. This is why it's bad to stay in a bad relationship. I was so badly emotionally abused to feel that nobody else could want me. Well guess what? That is not what is important anyway, and it took leaving and soul searching to realize that.
    Do not ever settle. A partner does not define you. You should always be a whole person by yourself, not made whole by someone else.