Do women stay in abusive relationships because of low self-esteem?

I'm trying to figure out why my friend is being dumb and hard-headed. She clearly understands there's a problem with her 'man' (I can name you ten red flags she's put up), but she refuse to leave him. Is it because she thinks she can't do better?

  • Yes
    60% (3)71% (5)67% (8)Vote
  • No
    40% (2)29% (2)33% (4)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • A friend of mine (actually two) stayed in abusive relationships. They both got out, but only one of them could talk about it. She stayed with him because she loved him, hoped he would change and couldn't stand being single. She built a future with him and to give that all up was very painful. So she kept hoping he would change. But one day some of her friends, including me, had an honest emotional conversation with her about it. That opened her eyes and they eventually broke up.
    I've seen some topics on here where they blame the person staying with the abuser, but when they just think about it, it's not that difficult to understand. If you talk to her about it, don't be hard on her like blaming her, but be understanding but firm.

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    • I try but I don't think I'm not a good consoler because I'm easily frustrated. If I saw her more in person, I'd probably screaming at her "DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN HE TREATS YOU LIKE SHIT? DO YOU WANT TO TEACH YOUR FUTURE DAUGHTERS TO BE TREATED THIS WAY?"
      That is clearly NOT what a victim needs to hear, so I just snitched to her family friend and they informed her parents about the situtation. Fortunately, she and the boyfriend are staying at their house at the moment.

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    • ALL of her friends know now. I don't know if her parents know yet, but I told a very close friend of her mother and she confirmed that the relationship was in fact abusive. I also advise they find a consoler for her to give relationship advice, but she'll most likely listen to them than she will to me.

    • Probably her friends will talk to her about it too then, or at least they should ask her how the situation is. If I had a friend in that situation, I would feel I should talk about it just to make sure she's okay. If you don't notice any change, maybe try to talk to her about it? Try to stay calm and let her do most of the talking, whenever you feel like shouting or something, do something that makes you rethink it and you won't freak out.

What Guys Said 4

  • It's usually a plethora of reasons, but yeah, I think low self esteem and low self worth is usually at the heart of it.

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  • Yes and they also stay because they still have feelings for there partner , even if they are evil Assholes!

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  • I think so.

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  • I would guess they stay in abusive relationships for the same reasons men do, and just as often. Low self-esteem, denial, a belief that things will improve.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Women don't want to be in abusive relationships 90% of the time. They don't always even realize what's happening until things have gotten too bad and then they are TERRIFIED and too scared to get out. You have to realize, it's incredibly difficult to get out of a relationship if you're scared that your husband/boyfriend (or wife/girlfriend) is going to kill you, or your children if you have them. People do stupid things when they feel like they're alone and they're threatened, stupid things like staying in abusive relationships. I wouldn't say that they're dumb or hardheaded, I would say that they're frightened and can't figure out what to do.

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  • for some, yeah. but abuse mostly begins with non-physical abuse-stockholm syndrome, a lack of funds, being cut off from family and friends, gaslighting, and basically a shitload of stuff that leads to the person feeling like they can't do better, don't deserve better, that the abuser needs them, that it's their fault...

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  • some guys are very good in playing mind games that they constantly put the girls down so that they thought the only guys they can be with are the ones next to them..
    it could also be low self esteem that has long been in your friend.
    or other reasons

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  • we stay because they make us love them and some of us are to forgiving and give them second chances

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