Dating and on the defense. Am I right or wrong?

I have just recently started dating since me and my ex broke up a year ago. I believe that I have completely gotten over my ex because I am able to talk about the break up more easily and I know that he currently is in a relationship with someone. Plus we have moved on in other aspects of our lives.

As I have started dating other guys I noticed a particular trend. When I go on the first date everything turns out great and then the guy wants to see me more but usually by the second or third date I tend to become more defensive and end up arguing or pushing the guy because of something he may have done or said which usually involve other women. Of course this doesn't look good for me because I end up losing people and damages my own image. I have feeling that anything that involves other women as in flirtatious acts by men I just do not tolerate because my ex cheated on me and as a result I think these dates are a waste of time and I get very defensive especially under the influence of alcohol.

Where do you think this defensiveness/aggressiveness is coming from & what should I do to stop it?

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What Guys Said 1

  • In my view, regardless of your recent dating activity and belief of having moved on from your ex, the personal impact and ensuing phobia, anger, and resentment, etcetera, that resulted from your former relationship is still alive and kicking.

    With that in mind, you have not recovered entirely from the issues that led to the breakup. You need additional time to heal, for introspective moments and activities, to become the person you once were, before you consider dating anyone.

    And as long as you are on a continuum of anger, resentment and spite, you will continue to self-sabotage and make possible the risk of projecting the malfunctions of your former onto your current dates and/or relationships.

    GL,

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What Girls Said 1

  • its coming from inside you because you don't want to get hurt again. you could try rationally talking to yourself or being more calm when it comes to asking the guys you are dating about their actions with other women. you could be more open to them instead of pushing them away- tell yourself that they aren't out to hurt you.

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