Met up with a guy online... and yeah?

I was talking with this guy for nearly a year. We live in neighboring states.

He is one of the nicest guys I know, he is so interesting to talk to and he seems to care for me as a person. I always talked to him when I was upset and he puts a smile on my face.

We never showed pictures of ourselves, we planned on doing that for our one year "anniversary". We did show some pictures like with masks on or just our backs. To make it interesting and all.

The cool thing is. For our "anniversary" he decided to drive to meet me! He wanted to meet me in person rather than just show pictures. It was so nice of him!

We went on a date and it was fun and all to meet him in person. He called me beautiful but it was hard to return the favor... I don't want to seem shallow but I wasn't physically attracted to him and it was somewhat of a disappointment. It felt hard to flirt to him like we did numerous time over messaging.

It was like a fairy-tale. I imagined him being really handsome and I thought that he may be my "soulmate".

Perhaps that's what happens when dealing with internet things but it's hard not to feel a bit sad after all that talking and confiding. We'll still be friends if nothing comes from it... I just don't know how to feel...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh no. Sounds you don't like him. There is no bad thing about it. Things happen. If you don't find him attractive, you don't find , that is all. But don't give wrong vibes to him. It will be very unfair.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I think you learnt some important lessons here. In my view, the mind does a fairly good job at filling in the gaps, but unfortunately, these gaps are filled by your self (ie a self projection), rather than being, who he truly is. So invariably the disappointment and bewilderment follows when they don't fit your fantasy. And then the seeds of the discord are sowed, and you no longer 'love' him, if anything, sometimes there is resentment towards him, perhaps even blame. But whose fault is it really? There was no reason not to exchange pics, in fact, well, it's 2014, why didn't you skype? :)

    The problem is, you have been tricked and deceived, by societal conditioning, which is very absolutist about everything, and knows no subtly, implying that love is not about physical appearance. I totally disagree. The physical is a reflection of the higher aspects of the person. The physical is a reflection of their lifestyle for one. Some people destroy their bodies, because they are not happy with themselves. I wouldn't want that in a relationship, since I wouldn't want those habits to rub off on me.

    You've been with him physically, and he's just not doing it for you. Put him out of your misery if you can't see a future? Part of the pain involved in all of this must be the lingering? Nothing is going to change the central fact about how you feel about him when you're with him. You've been naive, but now you are less naive?

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  • I don't know why you didn't get a picture first, I'm not shallow but I at least have to fancy a person to date them, even when I talk to girls or guys on the internet I'm pretty quick to ask for a pic just because I want to have a rough image of who I'm talking to.

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  • That's why talking on the internet for ages is a mistake; because ones mind naturally fills in the gaps and you start imagining things which may not be the case. And then you're disappointed. Better to tell the truth now than let it go on.

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  • well, sometimes physical attraction can come from personality. but if you still don't feel like its there after a certain amount of time, id settle your losses and move on. you wouldn't be able to be friends after it though, so dont get too friendly too quickly

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  • What's it like to flirt with someone you don't know what they look like? :/

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  • Good luck for that..

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  • Welcome to reality. This is why people try and warn teenagers that LDR's don't work, physical looks matter (it's not shallow) and sexual chemistry and compatibility really are that important.

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What Girls Said 2

  • This is why online relationships don't work. You need an emotional and physical connection, like meeting someone in real life so you know what you're getting, you can't connect like this meeting someone online. You didn't even see his face until you met him in person lol geez. No offense but why on earth were you thinking of finding a soulmate online? it makes no sense to me.

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    • i know plenty of online relationships that have worked out. gag alone has spawned at least two marriages

    • @Metal189 I still think online relationships are silly and not to mention very dangerous. i just feel like for me, personally, i have to know a person face to face and get to know him, before i can have any romantic feelings. online you're basically imagining what this person is going to look and be like in your head and when you finally meet him/her you're let down because your expectations were too high. just like the asker experienced. all could've been avoided if she just went out to meet a guy instead lol (no offense asker)

  • That's what you get lol but technically you're suppose to love him anyway lol

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    • Technically?

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    • Sometimes I keep wishing we didn't meet up just kept doing what we were doing for so long.

    • Lol I would too if I were you

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