My bf is 10 years younger than me..I am 38 and he is 29. I don't know if I should keep dating him or not?

I am 38 and my bf is 29. My bf asked me to be his gf more than 5 times after 2 months I met him. I kept refusing him because I thought I was too old for him... But finally I accepted him because I thought he was sincere and more than anything I liked him very much. We can talk forever and we laugh so much together. We have been dating for almost three month now.
He has been very sweet to me and he spends time with me every weekend. He stopped going out to bars and clubs since we started dating. When he wants to go to bars he wants to take me and he enjoys having me around. He buys me flowers, takes me out to dinner and we have fun together all the time but...he is obviously so young and he tells me that he doesn't know where this relationship is going yet. He tells me that I am not just a gf and he feels connection... He also says that it might take 2, 3 and 5 years to figure out what he wants with me. When he tells me that I feel that he is trying to tell me that he is hesitating to make bigger commitment with me.
I know I am thinking too much and we have been only dating for 3 months but I am not sure if I should keep dating him because of our age gap. I am 38 and I still want to get married and have kids. I like him a lot and I can see myself falling in love with him if I let my feelings control myseld but I am just too scared to get hurt. Am I dating too young guy? All of my friends say I am insane dating someone who is at the stage where he doesn't know what he wants in his life.. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • he's 29 so he can that privilege of waiting 5 years or so to decide if he is ready for marriage. you're 38, and in all honesty the window is closing...right?

    you're not necessarily dating too you but you need to realize and recognize that you're at different paths in life. he can afford to wait a few years to plan on marriage or children whereas you unfortunately don't have that luxury

    I think if you are ok being on perhaps a 29 year-olds timetable than the relationship is fine. Otherwise you need to communicate your desires for a relationship (time lines, marriage, children, etc) and see what he thinks

    just communicate with him, because it sounds like aside from being in different stages in life you have a really good relationship

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    • That is very true... I thought about it but in any relationship don't you think it is too early to bring that up? One of my friend said I should just date with him until the end of year and ask him then...

    • at three months? no, at three months is pretty much the breaking point of a relationship. Frankly I think it's fine to talk about expectations earlier than 3 months. if the point of dating is just to have fun and hook up then no don't bring it up, but if the point is a long term relationship why waste time waiting to find out

What Guys Said 7

  • I am 13 years younger than my girlfriend and people have been trying to figure out what she sees in me. She had to figure out for herself if she wanted to stay with me and we have been together for a little over 8 months now. If two people are the same age, there is a small age gap or a big age gap the relationship could go one of two ways which are it will work out or it will not. It is your decision to be with him or not. You can take advice from others and go from there but the final decision is yours to make. Do what you think is best.

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    • Can you consider getting married to her?

    • Show All
    • Are you sexually attracted to her? Don't you have the moment you think she looks older? My bf is so good looking and I worry... I think I look ok since many guys try to talk to me if I go out but still I am older... But I am Korean and I look a lot younger than my age. ... Maybe I shouldn't worry about my looks so much...

    • I do not worry about how she looks because I love the way she looks. Yes we are sexually attracted to each other. We support each other, take care of each other, have fun with each other, love each other etc and that is what matters

  • So you hesitated before finally making a commitment to him. Now you want to go back on that over misinterpreted statement he made? I think you should have a talk about if this is a serious relationship that can go somewhere cause you don't have the time to be playing games (I would hope you had this before accpeting his gf proposal). At 29 he should know what he wants he isn't 20 year old kid so ask him. I think it can work the age gap thing isn't as bad the older you get I believe.

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    • He said I am not the booty call. He likes me very much but he says he doesn't love me yet but he is trying to see if our relationship has the potential for love and marriage. He also says that when he falls in love with someone it means forever and he doesn't have that yet with me... He sounds so sincere and not playing game but who knows...

    • Sound legit to me. Very logical because who really falls in love being official just 3 months in. I don't know how fast you want to move since having kids and marriage is the priority and their can't be a waste of much time. I think you should talk to him about that too.

  • How about ask him what he wants long term before making a choice to break up with him. You convince yourself that you are too old, or too whatever you are just making a choice that is uninformed and could potentially cost you being happy. So just hey hey honey what do you want long term? You have been together 3 months. Then again I would brooch that subject early because otherwise all you are doing is spinning your wheels, instead of being with someone who is going to give you what you want.

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    • When we talked about this he said he wants to have a long term relationship but he also says he doesn't know the future yet. He said it takes time... I don't know what he means by long term but we plan things for Christmas and New Years so I know he is not thinking to break up with me anytime soon...

  • in my opinion I think he is too young. it's not impossible though but the relationship is still too fresh to decipher.

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    • I know... That is what my brain has been telling me too. I just don't know how I can stop myself wanting to see him. I feel like I am putting myself in the spot sometime in the future where I get heart broken very badly.

    • well you can try to search for a new man more suitable to your age group, that could be one way to help stop yourself from wanting to see him, although it will most likely be tough since you two really like each other. If you honestly feel like you may just be setting yourself up for getting hurt then you need to act quick because (no offense) you're only getting older. If he says he needs maybe 5 years to think about where he will be standing in the relationship, how will his mind differ in 5 years when you will either be 41 or 50? (I'm guessing based on your age bracket posted) and he only 34?

  • there is 12.5-13 years difference between me and my wife and this October will be 13 years of marriage for us

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  • Yur relationship is fine, lady stick with the man

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    • Thank you for your advise :)

    • I hope that he thinks that I can still have a baby in my 40s...

    • As long as u dont start menopause 2 soon

  • If it takes him 5 years to figure out what he wants, can you have kids at 43?

    You're taking a massive risk on what you want out of life, by staying with this guy.

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    • Yes... That is what I am afraid of...

What Girls Said 4

  • f I don't think he is too young, but you might be looking for different things out of the relationship. You need to know what you want and see if its compatible with what he wants; if not you have to cut ties

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  • Nothing wrong with having a kid at forty. My Mum had my youngest sibling in her mid forties. He turned out to be the smartest of all sibs.

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  • it's fine. my boyfriend is 6 years younger. what's the problem? what matters is how you two feel.

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    • If you guys are in both 20s I think it's not a big deal... 38 and 29 are bit different since I am hitting the age where I can't have baby soon

  • My aunt is 10 years older than her husband and they have lived a very happy life together. If you like him fight for the relationship..don't just give up because you think things could go wrong later. Every relationship will have its hurdles. The key here is open and honest communication. Tell him your fears. If he runs than you know it wasn't meant to be...but he might surprise you and stay and be understanding.

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