Chemistry - can you create it with anyone?

So as I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to get in a relationship, I've come across this idea of clicking, or "chemistry". A lot of people say that you either have it with someone or you don't, and I don't really like that because it suggests that you are just predetermined to only have chemistry with a certain group of people. What if you don't like any of them? What if you are just predetermined to not have chemistry with anyone, are you just doomed to be alone?

I'd like to believe that a person can learn to create chemistry, for a number of reasons. As of right now, I have no idea how to even begin creating it, and I'd also like to be as proactive as possible in terms of who I date - I'd like to be able to influence things to go my way as much as possible, by being able to create chemistry with someone that I actually desire.

What do you think? Can you learn to create chemistry with anyone you want?

Updates:
PS: How can you go about creating chemistry with anyone?
A lot of people are saying that you can't create chemistry with anyone you choose. But what if you are willing to change yourself into the kind of person they want? Has anyone ever done this, and gotten a relationship by doing so?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • So the proper place for this line of inquiry is pua forums. Try not to memorize rote routines, rather learn underlying principles, get better at reading people (women) and adjusting to emphasize the aspects of yourself at the right time that build chemistry (and rapport).

    Then, use these powers for good, not evil.

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    • What are some of the better forums to check out?

What Girls Said 4

  • Chemistry is just something that... happens. You can't create it with anyone. Some people are like a universal key that will open the locks on most hearts, and some are just regular keys assigned to a couple of doors. It's not like you're BORN to have it with somebody, it's just that your overall persona just... "clicks" with certain people and does not with others. You may have no chemistry with someone now, but ten years from now you may end up in bed together after a single conversation.

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    • The problem is, what if I'm only assigned to a couple of "doors", and none of them lead to anyone I actually like? Am I just doomed to a choice between a relationship with someone I'm "meh" about at best, and being alone for my entire life?

      I'd like to think that there's something I can do to attract the girls that I'm actually attracted to.

    • Nonononono, see, the point is that none of these people are "meh" - people you DON'T have chemistry with are "meh". Chemistry is mutual, attraction is not. I'm not saying you should lower your standards, you shouldn't, just... keep an open mind, will ya?

    • Haha. Pardon me, my understanding of all this is still not quite there yet!

  • No way...at least I can't...it's always either been there or it hasn't...in my case it's almost always not there...

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  • Oh believe me. You will LIKE... LOVE the people you ever have chemistry with. Don't force anything. Enjoy your time as a single man. It ends quickly let me tell you. And hopefully you find someone that loves you more or as much as you love them. Then a new episode in your life will begin.

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  • I've been trying to figure this out for years and don't think it's possible. You can have a relationship without awesome chemistry, though. But it's hard to do without common viewpoints and mutual physical attraction.

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    • Suppose I have some common viewpoints, and keep myself clean and in shape to a reasonable extent. What else am I missing?

What Guys Said 3

  • The term Chemistry was likely founded in, and based on, real Chemistry wherein one particular substance will react with another in a certain way. People are just like elements. We have our properties and we will react differently with different people. Sometimes, we'll explode and, other times, we'll make gold. Don't fight it. It's part of the adventure.

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    • I'd just like to take a little more control over how my life goes, though. Right now, my properties just lead to me fizzling out with people. It's really frustrating, because I know what kind of girl I'd like to be with and I'm actually pretty good at creating conversation with them. My problem is, I can't take it to the next level. I'd like to learn what I need to adjust or change in order to break through with the girls that I want to be with.

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    • Yea, it's certainly part of it. It sucks to be rejected because the amount of girls that have what I'm looking for is already very small. Lowering my standards won't make me happy either, because I'll still feel that the problem isn't solved, that I'm not where I want to be. I'd like to minimize risk of course, and also just maximize the chance that things will go my way. I'd just like what any guy wants really - to be able to have a relationship with the girls I want a relationship with. Some guys (and girls) get to pick and choose, that's the kind of life I'd like to have also.

    • That's understandable. Minimizing risk would be ideal.

      As for picking and choosing, much like chemicals - we cannot choose our properties.

  • I think attraction is something you can't determine. But chemistry is something you can train someone to feel. There is a lot involved when creating chemistry, just know how to emotionally trigger good feelings, know how to please someones body and be either assertive or receptive.

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    • What would be a basic example of creating chemistry, then? How would i begin to trigger good feelings? Not all good feelings are created equal, either. I definitely want to create good feelings, but the kind of feelings that communicate that I am aiming for more than friendship and that I'm worth a chance.

  • No you cannot manufacture chemistry.

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