Girls: What would you think if you were in this situation?

Girls: What would you think if your boyfriend didn't want you to tell your friends about the stuff that goes on in your relationship because he believes that a relationship is between 2 people only and friends don't have a right to know what goes on between a couple and what goes on in a relationship should stay between the couple

What would you think

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Most Helpful Girl

  • id like knowing private things are not going to be blabbed and trivialized by people who dk me nor do i want them to.

    but also when you rely on others to solve problems in your relationships bc you dont want to bother your so or you dont want them knowing something bothers you, i think thats a weak relationship.

    when people are always going to their friends, it makes it seem as if they have actually discussed the issue but they really have not, bc they never mentioned it to the partner.

    talking to other people about things you could/ should talk to your partner about does dammage. bc of what happens and bc of what does not happen.

    i see a lot of things on the net about how : if women want to talk about feelings and things that are bothering them, talk to your friends bc guys dont care about how you or they feel, and or dont want to let you see that they care. or how guys shouldn't tell women how they really feel, or about whats bothering them bc women dont want to know guys get bothered by anything. So therefore it will ruin the relationship if you communicate honestly, so talk to a friend instead...

    im thinking of s/ he doesn't want to talk about things that bother him/ her and vice versa. wtf is s/ he doing in a relationship, and what exactly makes it a relationship when there's little to no relating.

    its good to know if there's an issue YOU are going to be the go-to person for your partner. if you have 100 demi partners wandering around right next to the relationship. nothing will ever get done and there won't be real trust.

    sometimes you might need help figuring out how to explain something in a way that your partner will understand, or you just need to vent.

    in a healthy relationship, these things re not done in place of communication, and they can be done with strangers that will never be a part of your regular life... like on gag... or a shrink. or relationship counselor.

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What Girls Said 88

  • I wouldn't like it.
    It's not like your girlfriend is broadcasting your relationship for the sake of letting every one know about it.

    If you both are going through a difficult time in your relationship it's only natural
    that she's going to want a friend to talk about it to.
    You're pretty much telling her, not to have the same relationship with her friends
    because you disapprove.
    I find that has controlling.

    It's totally different if she's sitting around giving every single detail about your relationship,
    then I could understand.
    But if she's simply turning to her friends for solid advice on your relationship I don't
    see the harm in that.

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  • I think it depends, but I think it's healthy for both people in a relationship to be able to ask for external advice, only one or two people, not the entire world. Just because sometimes when you are in a relationship you can get a bit blinded. If something extremely embarrassing happens, and you ask your sig other not to talk about it, then they should respect that. But if it has something to do with fighting or just the general well being of a relationship I feel they have a right to discuss with someone close to them, who is trust worthy, unbiased, and honestly wants the best for both people involved. For example, I have a friend I'll tell everything, but she'll just as easily tell me if IM in the wrong. Other peoples opinions should not be held in as high regard as you're own, but it can sometimes be beneficial to hear what they have to say. Good luck!

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    • What do you mean when you say: Are you referring to what your friend says or what your bf says

      Other peoples opinions should not be held in as high regard as you're own, but it can sometimes be beneficial to hear what they have to say.

      And would you tell a friend everything even if it hurts your bf

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    • I am ok with where when and what as long as what is at the most basic level because it doesn't involve anything that I say and anything that I do. I don't want a girl to tell people about what I do and what I say (with the exception of abusive relationships because in that case you should seek advice) and what goes on in the relationship at a more personal level.

      Sexual matters like what goes on in the bedroom should also be kept private and any details about the other person's body/genitals should never be told to anyone

    • That makes sense for sure. I'd probably just ask her to simplify her stories when she talks about you. It is hard because most women question the smallest of details and can find them extremely important while telling a story but, just talk to her, hopefully she will listen. It is hard, sexual stuff and talking about someone's body is extremely personal and that I feel like you have every right to just ask her to stop disclosing that kind of information, although if she's saying something to her friends, it's probably all good things. :) But I can still understand why you'd want her to be more private about that.

  • Girls: What would you think if you were in this situation?
    I would think that he is amusing.

    He can want whatever doesn't mean I'm going to do it especially seeing as how my friends were there way before him and likely will be there way after him. I'm not interested in following the whims of some d*ck that most likely isn't going to be a lasting fixture in my life. I'm also not buying the bs that a relationship is between two people only unless he has never once sexually thought about another gal until then that reasoning doesn't sync with me.

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    • So you think it is ok to cheat on each other because a relationships is not between 2 people and the fact that he is not permanent gives you a reason to treat him like shit? You are delusional and you are not fit to be in a serious relationship

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    • I assumed when you called him a dick that you meant it is ok to treat him like shit. I also assumed this because it seems as though you think it is ok to treat friends better than your boyfriend simply because you have known them longer when everyone should be treated equally and that thinking about another girl automatically makes the relationship between multiple people

      I apologize if I misunderstood

    • I'm trying out using d*ck as an term for the general male population.

      I do think its ok to treat my friends better than a bf however not simply because I've known them longer but also because my friends most likely be around longer than him. Treating my friends better doesn't automatically equates to 'treat him like sh*t'. I could treat him well just not as well as my friends.

      Egh vastly different opinions on 'everyone should be treated equally' as I don't do should or shouldn't unless it pertains to harming children/animals. As well as I'm not going to treat some random stranger the way I'd treat a family member who loves me and has supported me. Plus I don't buy that cowsh*t and bullsh*t talk of equality as I don't see the master key/sh*tty lock double standard going anywhere except up.

      Yeah you did misunderstand on the treating him like sh*t part as I don't even mention how I'd treat him other than not being interested in following his whims... o. O

  • I sort of understand where he's coming from but at the same time u are allowed (or should be) to have friends and say whatever u want to them within reason. It sounds a little controlling which is a red flag. It only progresses. He doesn't have to know everything either... like what you are or aren't telling ur friends. Now if ur friends can't keep their mouths shut about ur relationship to other people then u should reconsider sharing ur personal life with. Friends are there to talk to about things and to vent to. They can offer a perspectives u can't see. or u could limit some of the things u tell him and some of the things u tell ur friends? I think should go with what you think/feel is right.

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  • I'd think he was maybe shy or insecure and I'd reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. But usually when someone asks me not to tell anyone, that's when I only tell my mom and my best friend. :P I suck at secret keeping.

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    • So does your best friend have a right to know what goes on in your relationship?

      Would you respect his wishes though

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    • Girls like you are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship case closed

    • And I don't mind if my boyfriend tells his friends about me. :) I expect him to. Even the personal stuff.

      Nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't care what his best friend thinks of my genitals. :P

  • I wouldn't mind too much, unless I needed advice or something. But you're totally right, a relationship is between two people. If I found out someone I was dating went around and told his friends everything about our relationship I would be pissed off too!

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  • At first I was going to say I understand but then you took it to a whole nother level.

    A relationship is infact between to people, one person and another one, and each one has there own life so she has a right to live hers the way she wants.

    If you have a problem with it oh well... I mean of course some things are best private but the way you said it sounded like she's cut off from the rest of the world abd you're in control of the relationship.

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  • I'd be so glad because I agree!
    What is private is private.

    But then again I don't mean we can't talk about ANYTHING. Some stuff that is not sensitive, personal, or too serious can be told to others. To act like your relationship is some dangerous government secret is too silly. Some minor stuff should be up for sharing. We all want to tell others about the person we love. =3

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  • In my opinion, it just depends on what the situation is. I do think you have the right to be able to tell all your close friends about the dates you've been on. Its brag worthy! But also, you gotta understand where he may be coming from. He may not want you telling anyone about the hot make out session you two had because it's just private. He may just not want to feel judged. I would just ask him to specify what he doesn't want other people knowing. And from my experiences, guys don't like all their business all over town and he knows that girls gossip and can't keep their mouths shut so maybe its just because he's afraid your friends may tell the world you know? lol I think he's just afraid. Talk to him and make sure you two keep the conversation open and honest.

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  • I wouldn't mind. I don't talk about my relationship too much, aside from random things we do like stay in on a Friday night with Chinese takeout and watch movies all night. But more intimate things I don't tell people.

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  • If I were in the situation, I will accept what wants because he is true anyway. In one condition, everything should be in honor code. MUST HAVE HONESTY AND OPENNESS.

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  • Well if I were in that situation, I think that's right. But I think it's okay, say there was a fight, and you just needed to talk to your buddies about it, then okay, Ii think that's fine. But if it's sexual stuff, and what you guys do in your spare time, then thaat's suppose to be kept between two.

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  • I would be quite concerned because I am open person and if he seems too secretive he could be controlling and try to isolate me. So yes at a reasonable level I do believe in privacy as long as its comfortable positive.
    He cannot be mistreating me and telling me to be descreet because its our business. If he's hurting me or behaving abusively emotionally or in any way I will confide in someone.

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    • I am talking about really intimate details (sex life, how good he is in bed, how good a kisser he is, details about his genitals) and everything that he does and says (there is no need for other people to know this anyway)

      If he is being mistreating then obviously you have a right to seek help as long as it is not just a petty and simple issue that all couples face

      Is this reasonable of me?

    • Petty and simple stuff that can easily be resolved by the couple themselves

  • My boyfriend has told me this and I was perfectly fine with it. Its pretty kool to have something just between me and him and not share it. Sometimes I do make posts about how wonderful he is etc, but not often. I only talk to one girl friend about us and I leave out a lot.
    Its not a big deal to want privacy in your relationship.
    The less people in your relationship the happier and better it will be. Its nobody elses business what you do.

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  • most guys like that want their gf to be quiet because they know he's doing her wrong and they dont want her friends influencing her to leave him

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    • I feel that if a guy is worried about a girl talking about him to her friends. He is either being abusive or he is insecure. It also depends on the circumstances.

  • I feel the same way and I'd respect that. Some people are private. However, if I needed to I would talk to my friends and maybe not tell him. Because sometimes we all need to be comforted/advice.

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  • I'd agree with what he said and expect him to do this same. Why air your dirty laundry or brag about your current sex life when those things are and should be kept private.

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  • There are girls who seek advices from friends same goes with guys. Don't make it a big deal as long as you are not very open regarding your relationship and choose well people you entrust your relationship issues.

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  • He tells his friends and I tell my sister and cousins
    Its nbd

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    • What if he didn't tell his friends everything and he didn't tell anyone anything

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    • Would you tell even if the idea of it hurts him

    • No if he seemed really hurt by it I probably wouldn't
      I don't see why it would be such a big deal though..

  • I would want my bf to tell me.
    I did that and I felt like an idiot when I found out he didn't like that. I wish he had told me.

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    • How did you find out and how did he react when he found out you were doing that

    • We were sitting when he had an annoyed look on his face. I asked what was wrong and he told he hated the fact that I did that. I felt so bad, I literally when mute.

      Course he is my ex now but back then.

  • Well as long as he's not like the Stasi I'm fine with that. You should be allowed to certain things to your friends without starting a fight.
    Like you know saying where you went, even that you had a fight. It helps to share and get a fresh opinion. Not every detail of the relationship obviously. Nothing really private

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  • i honestly would respect that. If it bothers him if i tell something, then i won't. He might be also right because the less people know your business, the less problems they will be ( ok i really don't know if that made sense :p (sorry, English isn't my maternel language)).

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  • Seeing as I don't share the details of my relationship. I'd be fine.

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  • If you treated her well I think you are entitled to that but if you treat her poorly I think she has a right to talk about her relationship with other people so that she can get out of it.

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  • Yes, i think this is a good intimate thing to do by not telling your friends what you have done sexually. I would say that it is perfectly reasonable bc as a girl i wouldn't want my boyfriend bragging about what we did and somethings i like to keep in private between the two of us. I can understand where she's coming from bc girls tell eachother everything so just tell her that if they ask say you want to keep it private or something

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  • i'm 27 and this behavior is not something women like me. but teens and those in their early 20s tell their friends everyyythingggg

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    • Even if they know it hurts their boyfriend?

  • if that was the case, I say the boyfriend is shy and maybe cautious about status

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  • I would agree, because as badly as you want to tell your friends to give you advice or make you feel better about a certain conflict you've been having with your significant other, you should never let others' opinions or thoughts influence how you react to the things that go on in your relationship. Be true to your significant other, tell them how YOU feel and not what your friend thought about that fight y'all had recently, because indeed, what goes on in a relationship should between you two, not your friends.

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  • I would understand. Truthfully I hate when people talk about drama or anything with them so I would probably tell my boyfriend not to tell his friends.

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  • My boyfriend is like that. Sometimes it is really hard. I've broken his trust a few times but we have mended that and I am working on being better. She should respect those wishes.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 10

  • I'm not a girl but, I think it's good to do that to some extent. As long as you do the same then it's fair. Personally I do go to friends every now and again for advice but it's usually distant friends who aren't in my close circle (read: who can't bitch and gossip about me and her) and also if the friend doesn't have an interest in the matter (i. e. likes me/my girlfriend or wants us to break up for any reason) they can offer better and more impartial advice.

    But on your question specifically it depends on the girl I think. If they are the type to be really close with family and friends and discuss their problems like that then they'll probably do it regardless of what you ask them to do. They might just not tell you they're doing it but come on you know they will be.

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  • I know exactly where you're coming from and you're right man. The less "bad" stuff that is spread to friends and family the better it is for the relationship. Family and friends always only get one side of the story and if they're always hearing nothing but the bad shit then they automatically have a really bad picture of you. That being said, it's useless to expect that people won't confide in their close friends and relatives when something is not right. Hopefully they try to keep a balanced picture but if they don't the backlash from the friends and relatives is on their hands and it's their responsibility to keep a good image of you if they want the relationship to work. In the end, it's best just to not be concerned about it. If you break up you're not going to care what the other friends and relatives think of you anyway and it won't matter. Realize that if she's given you that negative of an image while you're still together she's probably not a good person to be in a relationship in the first place.

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  • I would think that most people would agree with you on that relationship should stay private. The reality of it all though doesn't work out that cause when people are happy they want to share there happiness with the world and when there not happy they need to vent out there feels so that it doesn't get all bottled up to explode later. It would better to ask her to keep it between both of you and maybe one other person that you both can trust and that you would do the same

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  • I would probably think he is a man that is cautious with people that say too much, and might assume you are one of those people... have an honest conversation with him about the topic and reassure him that you will only talk about things within your trusted circle of friends and nothing more.. we humans are a species of community and depend on sharing with eachother... keeping things to yourselves can be unrealistic as we always seek to learn more from others.. I wish you luck.

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  • Although openness and sharing can be healthy certain things between 2 people are just that between 2 people and no one else's experience or business, this is how gossip starts cause people don't know how to hold important sensitive information and by openly sharing in a way that trivialises something more detailed between the 2 of you that was shared in confidence only de-values the meaning of sharing and shows lack of trust and respect for the other.

    Your friends however important they are in your life do NOT need to know every aspect of your life and relationship. Gossip is not a form of 'bonding' it is a disease that infects and destroys relationships if the antidote of TRUTH is not used in big doses to clear up potentially consequences and misunderstanding.

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  • I see that you want a girl's opinion but I guy's opinion can't hurt either. If it's just the details that he is not sharing, I can understand that. I mean c'mon. The whole world doesn't need to know that you went to this specific theater last night and watched an specific movie followed by a romantic dinner with every food specified and who knows what after that. So if that is what he is trying to hide, I don't see a problem with that. If that's not the case though, find out what he is up to. Ask him if you can use his phone and check his messages to see if he might have someone else (a side chick) as well. Just make sure he doesn't see you doing that though because for some guys, that can be a turn off. But then again, if he has nothing to hide, he could even ask you to read his texts for him. Not to be telling you what to do, but to show that he has nothing to hide.

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  • There is always going to be something that is share worthy. It's just easier if you go over this with your significant other. Ask them what there comfort zone is and be sure you're only taking to people who aren't blabbers. It's understandable if you don't wanna be the talk of the town.

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  • Holy cow, this is the most amount of responses to a question I've seen on GAG.

    I hope you break the 100 mark.

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  • Its good if she speaks out to her friends, buh for me I just don't like it like when she tell them about your sexual life like my bf can this can that, and I do have a feelings like she has told them all, so those her friends looks at me with a diff look the next day like this guy can fuck anything lol. Like they re all looking at my d*ck.

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  • Ok so I woudl always tell my brother stuff and the only reason is because me and my girlfriend would disagree on thing and i wanted other peoples opinion. And even tho i was right and everyone thought i was right it never would help me or my girlfriend so even tho it does feel really good talking about some thing to other people keep it in and just talk about it more with your boyfriend it might help stop u from telling other people because u talk about it with hime untell it is out of your system. And if he doesn't want to talk about stuff untell its out of ur system the let him go

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